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Jingdong book

心理健康自助丛书:走入人群从爱自己开始

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武汉大学权威心理咨询专家担纲编写力作!中国首套心理自助丛书!一本关于“爱”的书!
《心理健康自助丛书:走入人群从爱自己开始》从独特的视角为您分析人际关系障碍,为您的人际关系注入新的动力。它让我们清晰地认识到人际关系交往的关键不在于通过方法、技巧同他人建立和谐的关系,而是首先要与自己建立亲密和谐的关系,先和自己成为朋友。
Content Description

克服人际关系障碍的过程实际就是一个认识自我、悦纳自我的过程,同时也是一个学会爱自己和爱他人的过程。
《心理健康自助丛书:走入人群从爱自己开始》是一本关于改善人际关系障碍的心理自助读物,内容主要包括人际关系障碍的心理学界定及其形成的深层心理原因、如何认识与处理人际关系障碍等。《心理健康自助丛书:走入人群从爱自己开始》中着重阐述了人际关系障碍问题的核心与自我关系的处理。
Catalogue

第一章 你觉得你有人际关系障碍吗
第一节 给人际关系下个定义
第二节 人际关系对于我们意味着什么
第三节 爱的挡板——人际关系障碍
【心理测试】社交障碍状况测验

第二章 是什么阻碍了我们
第一节 完美主义人格
第二节 面子观念
第三节 内心的不安与恐惧

第三章 克服人际关系障碍的前提——认识你自己
第一节 觉察自我形象
【心理测试】自我形象测试
第二节 我的性格特征
【心理测试】菲尔性格测试
第三节 在社会中认识自己

第四章 克服人际关系障碍之道——悦纳自我
第一节 自尊,悦纳自我的起点
【心理测试1自尊水平测试
第二节 自信,悦纳自我的支点
【心理测试】自信程度测试
第三节 接纳自己
【心理测试】自我接纳程度测试
第四节 向心理学家学习如何悦纳自我

第五章 克服人际关系障碍。从“我”做起
第一节 自我暗示的力量
第二节 自我投射
第三节 修炼当下的力量

第六章 让我们行动起来
第一节 学会接纳他人
【心理测试】宽容程度测验
第二节 与家人成为好朋友
【心理测试】家庭亲密度小测验
第三节 与职场伙伴成为朋友
【心理测试】职业倦怠测验
【心理测试】佛克德职业压力(FWP)测试
第四节 与陌生人成为朋友
参考书目
Book Abstract

第三节 爱的挡板——人际关系障碍
人际关系的最高意义是爱,人与人之间爱与被爱的需要是推动人际交往的动力,但人与人之间爱的流动不是一帆风顺的,而是处处受到了阻隔。当我们不能传递爱和信息的时候,表明我们的人际关系出现了障碍。在这个信息化时代,人与人之间的信息传递方式丰富多样,传递速度也日益加快,但人与人之间的阻隔却并未因此减少,人际心理障碍阻隔了我们的交流和亲密关系的建立。
一、人际关系障碍是怎么回事
在心理咨询室里,一位来访者,男,30岁,陈述道:
也许是命运的捉弄。自26岁大学毕业后直到现在我才有了一份稳定的工作。若干年的求职、失业以及情感上的失落使我变得沉默寡言,出现了人际沟通障碍,语言组织能力差,一说话就脸红心跳,性格也变得孤僻。每当和人交谈时,总会顾及话说得对不对。现在的我孤僻而自卑,工作和生活上的一点儿小事总会在脑海里挥之不去,反复回忆;思维方式僵化,跟不上别人的思维;集中不了注意力,做事经常出错,并且一点小差错都会使我有强烈的自责感;干什么事都瞻前顾后,心里总平静不下来;甚至出现一些异常举动,苦笑,肢体颤动,害怕被周围人发现。我是不是要疯了?
这个来访者的自述已经大体描绘出人际关系障碍的粗略线条。人际关系障碍包含了两层含义:一层是指因过度担心害怕而不愿意与人交往的心理状态;另一层是指人际交往行为障碍,即在人际交往过程中出现的脸红、心跳加快、语言结巴等一系列不适反应,从而导致与人的交往出现阻碍。
前一层意义的人际关系障碍指的是人际交往退缩,是一种不愿意进行人际交往的心理状态,以至自己长期处于封闭孤独状态,进而影响社会生活的正常进行,让自己陷入痛苦之中;后一层含义,指的是人际交往过程中出现的系列不适,从而影响人际交往的进行,导致人际交往失败,让自己陷入无尽的痛苦和不安。简单地讲,前一层含义指的是“不愿”进行人际交往的心理状态;而第二层含义是指交往过程中出现了障碍,“不能”交往的状态,当然这里的“不能”交往是交往障碍者本人认为的。
实际上人际关系障碍往往是两层意义上的结合体,不愿交往与不能交往是同时出现的,或者说它们之间相互影响。交往过程中出现了脸红、过度紧张等不良情绪反应后,加重了对人际交往的恐惧与担心,从而以进一步减少交往次数来回避这些情绪反应的出现;而人际关系的建立、人际交往是一个逐渐适应的实践过程,越回避交往,不敢与人交往,就越无法在交往中锻炼自己的交往技巧与能力,在交往中就越可能出现系列的不适反应。
当我们位于一个陌生环境,见到陌生人或异性时,或多或少都会出现紧张焦虑情绪,因为这是对自己的一种自我保护。不过,对于大多数人来讲,都能够通过微笑、整理衣襟、上厕所等方式缓解这种不安。
在一般情况下,我们对陌生人及异性有偶然回避或者有意无意躲避的行为,或者在遇到陌生人及异性时,出现一定程度的紧张、心慌、脸红,都是我们人类的一种正常反应,并不算是人际关系障碍。但如果我们长期躲避与陌生人或者异性交往,或在与他们交往的过程中,出现过度的紧张、焦虑不安情绪,例如严重的心悸、心慌、战栗、出汗、头晕、晕倒等,已经严重影响我们交往的进行或者交往活动根本无法进行,并无法自行调适加以缓解,那么这就是一种不正常的反应。
另外,如果与身边的比较熟识的人交往也感觉焦躁不安,这也是一种不正常现象。
上面这两种情况我们可以认为是人际关系障碍,但不能笼统地称之为社交恐惧症,或者称为心理疾病。按照心理医学的界定,社交恐惧症除了应该符合上面谈到的人际关系障碍症状外,还应该符合以下几个条件:
(1)社交回避、恐惧症状出现时间较长,至少一个月以上。
(2)出现恐惧症状,即感受到人际交往中的恐惧,非常痛苦,而且这种痛苦不能自己摆脱,需要依靠别人的帮助或者改变处境才能摆脱。某些科学家为了科研事业,长期回避社交,我们不能因此说他们有社交恐惧,因为他们并不因此而感到痛苦。
(3)社会功能受损。指对人际交往的恐惧和拒绝已经影响到了日常生活,例如工作、学习效率下降,甚至根本无法正常的工作、学习。
当然,这几个条件,只是判断社交恐惧症的一个参考依据,要想准确判断是否为心理疾病,必须在专业的心理医生那里进行诊断。这里之所以列出这几个标准,只是提示大家,如果我们出现了系列社交障碍。符合以上几种情况或者部分符合,建议大家除了进行积极的自我调适外,还需要求助于心理咨询和治疗。
从上面的讨论中可以看到,关于人际关系障碍是不是病的问题,我们有几个准则可以把握。
一般情况下的人际关系障碍不是病,而是一种正常的心理反应,可以通过自我调适,或者随着我们社会阅历的增加、人际交往次数的增加自然缓解。
如果我们出现了长期回避交往,以及遇见陌生人或异性时出现过度的焦虑不安,影响到了我们正常交往的进行,就应该加以调适。
……
Introduction

有社会学家曾经指出:人就是人际关系。意思就是说,实际上我们人的存在形式就是在人际关系中呈现的。我们从出生开始,甚至在形成胚胎时就处在一定的社会关系之中,父母血亲关系首先被确立,为自己接生的护士、身边的其他亲人等都被网络在自己这个关系网中。所以从某种程度来讲,人际关系就是我们作为一个人存在的全部。现实生活中,良好的人际关系可以给我们带来物质和精神财富,同时还是一个人保持身心健康和事业成功的先决条件。
人际关系如此重要,但在生活中,许多人经常有这样的困扰:为什么在人际交往过程中我经常出现紧张、焦虑不安、恐惧情绪状态;害怕和人打交道,即使交往也谨小慎微,胆战心惊;生活圈子非常小,没有多少朋友,似乎要从社会抽离……出现这些情况,就是因为我们的生活中出现了人际关系障碍。
当出现这种障碍的时候,人们往往简单地选择逃避,减少人际交往,以便减少痛苦的情绪状态。这种反应非常自然,我们困惑,因为我们不了解它,不熟悉它,当我们了解熟悉了社交过程中时常出现的紧张、焦虑、恐惧等情绪状态的来龙去脉的时候。当我们找到源头并去沉着应对的时候,这些自然不再成为困扰,而失去的那些朋友也会逐渐回到我们的身边。
本书从独特的视角为您分析人际关系障碍,为您的人际关系注入新的动力。它让我们清晰地认识到人际关系交往的关键不在于通过方法、技巧同他人建立和谐的关系,而是首先要与自己建立亲密和谐的关系,先和自己成为朋友。当我们和自己的关系和谐了,和他人的关系的障碍也就已经大部分扫除。当然,除此之外,知己知彼,百战不殆,我们对自我有了清晰的了解和认识后,要真正克服人际关系障碍还需要我们能够对他人的性格特征、文化背景有一个比较完整的了解,只有了解这些,才可以让我们做到心中有数,增加入际交往的自信心,从而有效地克服人际交往过程中的紧张与恐惧感。

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Jingdong book