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心理育儿书系·宝贝你在想什么:2-12岁孩子内心世界独家透析

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心理育儿书系·宝贝你在想什么:2-12岁孩子内心世界独家透析

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每个孩子都是小小读心者,2~12岁是人生关键的10年。本书记述了孩子在这十年的6项心理能力成长历程。这6项心理能力包括读心能力、撒谎能力、思考能力、性别认知、生命认知和独立能力。

Content Description

这是一本让父母与孩子感同身受的书,《心理育儿书系·宝贝你在想什么:2-12岁孩子内心世界独家透析》带你重温童年时代,真正走进孩子的世界,感其所感,见其所见。这是一本让你对童年时代有全新认知的书,本书关注人生旅途的最初10年:2~12岁的心路历程。
集中研究儿童发展的6个领域:读心能力、撒谎能力、思考能力、?性别认知、生命认知、独立能力。这是一本颇为理性又读来轻松的书,书中记载了从幼童到成人这一心路历程中的每个重要里程碑,生动展现了孩子获取步入成人世界闯荡生活必备能力的方式方法。
娃娃的心是这样炼成的,从一个物我浑然两不知的小婴儿,成长为羽翼丰满谙心术的小大人,闯荡生活、掌控人生的必备能力——读心术,是在孩提时代炼成的。

Author Description

莎拉·布鲁尔博士,英国执业医师,多家媒体撰稿人。著有近50种健康及亲子类图书。作品普遍受好评,并多次获奖。
亚历克斯·卡汀博士,英国雷丁大学发展心理学讲师,主要致力于儿童早期认识发展研究。
Catalogue

第一章 小小读心者

01 浑然一体的我

02 自我情感萌发

03 知己尚不知彼

04 只有自我角度

05 自说自话,平行游戏

06 假装能力,换位思考

07 初具读心能力

08 开启全新世界

09 也有消极一面

第二章 撒谎游戏

01 人之初,性习得

02 引注意,避麻烦

03 学规则,明事理

04 爱幻想,非谎言

05 学骗人,试对错

06 懂道德,守规矩

07 撒小谎,巧变通

08 善撒谎,渐成熟

第三章 男女之别

01 性别意识,先天还是后天

02 男孩女孩,性别仅是标签

03 男女有别,性别界限分明

04 模仿成人,性别角色学习

05 装扮可改,性别恒常不变

05 性别隔离,喜欢同性玩伴

06 角色互换,性别规则变通

第四章 思考能力

01 积极探索

02 开始思考

03 符号世界

04 未雨绸缪

05 探寻未知

06 推理萌芽

07 数学概念

08 运用理论

09 抽象思维

10 灵活思考

第五章 生命周期

01 最初直觉

02 活在当前

03 时间概念

04 马上满足

05 理解生物

06 生生不息

07 认知死亡

08 生命周期

09 认知生命

10 纵观人生

第六章 独立自主

01 独立第一步

02 我要自己做

03 可怕的两岁

04 独立性增强

05 挑战新极限

06 掌握读心力

07 隐私的需求

08 守游戏规则

09 个人责任感

10 追求理想我

11 独立的人生
Book Abstract

认知生命
到7岁左右,孩子就能从生物学角度来解释生殖、出生和死亡了。他们知道,生命依赖于食物、水和体内的运行机制。当体内运行停止时,生命就会结束。

到6~7岁时,孩子形成了世界运行方式的理论,抽象思维能力也越来越高。这时候,孩子对与时间有关的复杂概念有更合理的认识,早已不再是“现在”和“不是现在”这样的概念了。“过去”“现在”和“将来”这些词,对孩子来说,都具有了新的意义。他们知道,“日”既可以分成多个时间单位,又可以组成更大的时间单位。等具备足够的推理能力后,他们又可以把钟表作为较短时间(秒、分、时)的标尺,把日历作为较长时间(日、周、月、季、年)的标尺。
这时,孩子能够追溯时间的轨迹,了解关于家族祖先和文化历史的基本概念。他们现在知道,在奶奶出生之前,恐龙早就灭绝了!不过,孩子这时候还摸索着如何更精细地区分短暂的时间,特别是准确估计给定时间的长度。
孩子知道了过去和未来的区别,但是很难知道时间的精确长度——一个月有多长,什么时候是我的生日……他们还很难理解为什么5岁的西奥先过生日,而后过生日的霍莉(7岁)还比他大呢?
到7岁左右,孩子就能从生物学角度来解释生殖、出生和死亡了。他们知道,生命依赖于食物、水和体内(看不到)的运行机制。当体内运行停止时,生命就会结束。他们还非常清楚,只有女人才能生孩子,这也是男人和女人的根本区别之一。值得一提的是,孩子这时候是从生物学角度,而不是从性的角度来看待男女之别。事实上,这个年龄的孩子对做爱过程中的肉体或情感问题知之甚少,他们通常认为性与生孩子之间的联系非常奇怪,甚至有点令人尴尬。

凯蒂,7岁。如果你问她婴儿来自于哪里,她就会咯咯地笑。她知道答案(我告诉过她),但她会说,“这不太好说!”

安妮米卡,7岁。她清楚生命的来源,但由于尴尬,不愿意过多谈起这类话题。她知道这是成年人的事,刚开始是接吻!她还知道“小弟弟”进入“小妹妹”后就能怀上婴儿。

这个年龄的孩子对生殖过程的理解程度,反映他们所接受信息的水平。以下示例可说明这个年龄段孩子对生殖的理解程度。

阿曼达,6岁。她认为性是亲吻、拥抱、脱衣服和互相摸私处。

克雷格,6岁。伊万,8岁。他们知道性是发生在两个相爱的人之间的事,还会因此生孩子……如果两个人相亲相爱,就会亲吻,抚摸。他们还知道这是非常隐秘和特别的事。仅此而已。

安娜,6岁。双胞胎索菲和拉米,8岁。她们都了解性和做爱的结果,但不了解频率。

霍莉,7岁。她说,“男人靠近女人后,给她们下了蛋,然后女人孵出来。这个蛋开始像个圆球,长上两三周后,就准备通过你下面出来了。”当我问她什么是性时,她说,“当你们相爱时,你就会在你男朋友面前跳舞。”我问她,“什么是爱?”她说,“当你们亲吻时,那就是爱。”

不过,孩子这个时候还在努力弄清周围成人之间的相互关系。

卡里尔父亲的第二任妻子(我是第一任妻子),现在跟他叔叔(父亲的弟弟)结婚了。卡里尔最近问叔叔,“你和婶婶睡在一张床上吗?你们彼此相爱吗?你们什么时候离婚?妈妈和爸爸彼此相爱,但是现在离婚,爸爸和婶婶彼此相爱,后来也离婚了。”显然,他想尽力弄清楚目前家庭成员之间的关系,但这关系确实太复杂了。

在学校学了更多生物知识之后,孩子知道人体内有各种器官,如心、胃和脑等。这些器官的运作对生命和健康至关重要。现在,孩子的推理能力提高了,开始认识到生命有赖于体内复杂的生物过程。这样的认识可以帮助他们更深入地了解生命周期。如果体内器官运行不正常了,疾病或死亡就会到来,不过对于其中的细节,他们还知之甚少。

霍莉,7岁。我问她,如果她死了会怎么样。她回答:“死了后,大脑和身体脱离,血液、皮肤也和身体脱离,只留下了骨架。”(我们家不信宗教)。

科里,7岁。他认为人到了100岁才会死。人死亡,要么患上重病,要么遭遇事故。他对谋杀孩子等新闻报道非常好奇。看到这类报道,他会问很多问题,例如,他们是怎么死的?会流血吗?他还没有亲身经历过死亡事件。

孩子在逐渐理解生命周期的过程中,理解死亡这个概念需要的时间最长。这不足为奇,因为即使成年人也很难直面死亡,谈及这个话题往往感到沮丧。于是,这个话题很容易被放到一旁,暂时抛开。但是,这反过来又会增加孩子对死亡的焦虑和恐惧。
这时候,孩子已经能够思考更抽象的问题了。他们对死亡更加担忧,特别是失去所爱的人,会令他们非常焦虑不安。但这种情况也取决于他们的亲身经历。

罗里,7岁。他意识到有一天自己会死。我想,他对死亡这个概念的兴趣远远大于恐惧,因为他还没经历过身边熟人去世。

卡里尔,7岁。他知道死亡就意味着失去亲人、悲伤和永别。想到我和他父亲都会去世,他问道,“那谁来照顾我呢?”他不想让我火葬,而想让我土葬,这样就能时常来看看我的坟墓。我母亲去世的时候,我才16岁。他非常想知道我的这段经历。

泰费,8岁。她突然听到死亡的概念,知道有一天自己会离世时,竟然流下了眼泪,并因此感到恐慌。她因为死亡感到非常不安,怎么哄也哄不过来,于是我们花了一晚上的时间探讨这个问题。她完全不能理解死亡就是人生的终点,不断地问,“是的,但你死了以后会干什么呢?你有什么感觉?你有什么想法?你怎么说话?”完全是一副伤心欲绝的神情,什么天堂、转世等等说法,根本安慰不了她。

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