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Jingdong book

孩子,把你的手给我2

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畅销300多万册的教子经典!《纽约时报》畅销书排行榜连续上榜25周!以31种语言畅销全球!彻底改变父母与十几岁孩子的沟通方式!
Content Description

十几岁是一个骚动而混乱、充满压力和风暴的时期,孩子注定会反抗专业和习俗——父母的帮助会被怨恨,指导会被拒绝,关注会被当作攻击。海姆·G·吉诺特博士就如何对十几岁的孩子提供帮助、指导、与孩子沟通提供了详细、有效、具体、可行的方法。
Author Description

海姆·G·吉诺特(Haim G. Ginott),心理学博士、临床心理学家、儿童心理学家、儿科医生;纽约大学研究生院兼职心理学教授、艾德尔菲大学博士后指导教授。 吉诺特博士的一生并不长,他将其短短的一生致力于儿童心理的研究以及对父母和教师的教育。 他依靠他的聪明才智,做了很多开创性的工作,取得了巨大成就。他在他的书中、演讲中、专栏中倡导的如何跟孩子沟通的创新思想,不仅在美国,甚至在全世界都获得了巨大反响。

Catalogue

引言
第1章 他们和我们
我们的关心与他们的需要
我们的担心与他们的感受
有可能和平共处吗?

第2章 反叛和回应
骚动的青春期
对于生命的追问
寻找自己的身份
帮助指南

第3章 首要原则是不伤害孩子
承认孩子的感受
和平政治:语言和情感
人与方法

第4章 愈合孩子伤口的对话
作为辩护人的父母
情感急救
造成麻烦的七种方式
不带评判的回应
共情与真诚

第5章 批评:一种新的方法
有益的批评
无益的批评
批评和自我形象
当出现问题时
事情是怎么出错的
分寸感
主要的教训

第6章 可以生气,不能辱骂
愤怒的声音
对待愤怒的态度
接受愤怒
怎样发怒
突然的愤怒
不带侮辱地表达愤怒
改变的过程

第7章 赞扬:一种新的方法
对赞扬的反应
赞扬和内疚
称赞和激励
赞扬:建设性的和破坏性的
滥用的称赞
描述,不要评价

第8章 在孩子们的眼里
逻辑的局限

第9章 社会交往:自由和限制
不刻意追求受人欢迎
反对过早约会
初中时期:切合实际的活动与时间表
高中时期:自主和指导
我们的责任:标准和限制

第10章 十几岁孩子的性和人类价值观
对性的一次讨论:六位母亲,六种观点
价值观的冲突
一个公开的悖论
坍塌的禁忌
为什么要进行性教育
知识和价值观
手淫
同性恋
父母与避孕药
成熟的爱

第11章 开车,喝酒,毒品
十几岁孩子开车与父母的担忧
喝酒
吸毒的梦魇

第12章 学习,成长,改变
Book Abstract

不要急于纠正
十几岁的孩子对于别人的纠正经常会固执已见。他们会变得听不进去别人的话、不可理喻,决心不受其他人的影响或被迫做任何事情。
正如一个十几岁孩子所说的那样:“做错事会让人有一种满足感,这是那些乖孩子永远体会不到的。”
另一个十几岁的孩子说:“我知道我父亲是对的。但我确实希望他有时候能错一次。”
一个正在接受心理治疗的孩子说:“我父亲天生就是一个不断改进的人。看到我按照自己的方式做事,他就难受。他总是有更好的方式——他自己的方式。他对我的纠正,就像针一样在我的记忆中刻下了憎恨。我讨厌他给我的建议。我下定决心继续犯自己的错误。”
父母的苦口婆心,并不能教会孩子尊重事实。真相本身就可能成为损害家人之间关系的致命武器。不带同情的真相会摧毁家人之间的爱。一些父母过于执着地向孩子证明自己怎么对了,哪里对了,以及为什么对了。这种做法只能带来痛苦和失望。如果态度是敌意的,事实就不会让人信服。
不要侵犯孩子的隐私
十几岁的孩子需要隐私,这能让他们拥有自己的生活。维护孩子的隐私,我们就是在表明自己对孩子的尊重,是在帮助他们脱离我们,帮助他们成长。有些父母过多地刺探孩子。他们会看十几岁孩子的邮件,偷听孩子打电话,这种冒犯可能会造成孩子永久的怨恨。十几岁的孩子会感到自己受了欺骗,会极其气愤。在他们的眼中,侵犯隐私是一种很可耻的冒犯行为。正如一个女孩所说的:“我要向法院控告我妈妈滥用家长的权利。她偷偷地打开了我的抽屉,看我的日记。”
一个16岁的男孩抱怨说:“我妈妈一点也不尊重我。她侵犯我的隐私和我的公民权。她进到我的房间,整理我的抽屉。她说自己看不得那么乱。我希望她收拾好她自己的房间,别来管我的。只要她一收拾完,我就故意把书桌弄乱。但是,妈妈从来不理解。”
一些十几岁的孩子抱怨父母过于热心地参与他们的社交生活。
伯尼丝,17岁,痛苦地说:“在我约会前,我妈妈早早就打扮好了。在我做准备时,她会跟我男朋友闲聊。她甚至会跟我们一起走到汽车那里。当我回来后,我会发现她在等我,好奇地问我一大堆问题。什么事情她都想知道。他跟我说了什么?我是怎么回答的?我感觉怎么样?他花了多少钱?我对将来有什么打算?我的生活成了一本打开的书,每一页都成了一份公开的通告。我妈妈想尽量成为我的朋友。我不想让她伤心,但我不需要一个40岁的朋友。我宁愿有一些隐私。”
尊重隐私需要保持一定的距离。父母们发现很难跟孩子保持距离。他们想要的是亲密,并跟孩子成为朋友。出于各种良好的愿望,他们就侵犯了孩子。这种亲密不会带来相互尊重。为了相互尊重.父母和十几岁的孩子之间必须要保持一定的距离。他们可以“站在一起,但不要挨得太近”。尊重,包含着一种意识,要意识到我们十几岁的孩子是一个独特、惟一的个体,是一个脱离了我们的人。总之,不论是父母还是孩子,都不“属于”对方。每个人都只属于自己。
……

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