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Jingdong book

亲密关系(第5版)

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亲密关系(第5版)

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人是社会性动物,“爱”与“被爱”是人的基本需求。然而可惜的是,大多数人并不擅长处理两性关系。于是,本应该带来美妙体验、快乐享受以及甜蜜回味的亲密关系,却往往带来的是失望、痛苦,甚至怨恨。为什么会这样呢?有什么灵丹妙药吗?
答案是既有又没有。说有,是因为培养一份亲密关系并不难,没有什么高深的学问在里面,人人都可以做到,只要用心去经营;说没有,是因为大干世界、芸芸众生,每个人都是一个独特的个体,都有其独特的问题,具体问题需要具体分析。
比如,为什么他结婚前不穿好衣服绝对不上饭桌,婚?却喜欢歪在沙发上,边吃零食边剔牙,还不时放一个很响的屁?为什么冰雪聪明的她,却总是最后一个才知道另一半在欺骗自己?
爱情和性欲真是由大脑的不同区域控制的吗?童年期的经历真能决定未来婚姻是否幸福吗?难道真有一种能够决定“出轨”的基因吗?难道异性友谊真的无法避免“性”的尴尬吗?
《亲密关系》可以帮你解决这些疑问,她能使你做的更好!
Content Description

爱情是人类情感中美妙的一种体验,古今中外关于爱情的伟大文学作品有许多,但从心理学角度对两性关系进行科学而系统总结的专著尚为数不多。
《亲密关系》从一出现,就立即获得读者的普遍喜爱,不仅得到了专业人士的首肯,更是得到普通读者的高度评价。作者综合了心理学多个分支的研究理论和成果,用饶有趣味的论述,总结出人们在交往与沟通、爱情与承诺、婚姻与性爱、嫉妒与背叛等方面的行为特点和规律。
《亲密关系(第5版)》内容丰富、语言优美;既注重专业性,又强调可读性。研究亲密关系的专业人士可以从中得到学习和参考;而对于社会大众来说,只要他(她)想获得一份满意的亲密关系,都可以从中得到启发。
Author Description

罗兰·米勒,休斯顿州立大学心理学教授,从事亲密关系教学25年之久,于2008年荣获人际关系研究国际学会卓越教学奖,并获得美国心理学会和PsiChi的EdwinNeWman杰出研究奖。
Catalogue

第1章 人际关系的构成
亲密关系的性质和重要性
亲密关系的性质
归属的需要
文化的影响
亲密关系变化的根源
个人经历的影响
个体差异的影响
性别差异
性认同差异
人格
自尊
人类本性的影响
人际互动的影响
人际关系的消极面
请你思考

第2章 研究方法
人际关系科学的研究简史
问题的提出
被试的选取
研究的设计
相关设计
实验设计
发展性研究设计
场景的选择
数据的性质
自我报告
观察法
生理测量
档案材料
夫妇报告
研究应遵循的道德规范
结果的解释和整合
最后要点
请你思考

第3章 吸引力
吸引力的基础:一种奖赏
临近:喜欢身边的人
方便:远亲不如近邻
熟识:重复接触
临近的作用
长相吸引力:喜欢那些可?的人
对美丽的偏见:“美的就是好的”
吸引力的秘密
长相吸引力的演化观
文化也起作用
对美丽持有偏见的人
美丽:交织着的代价与收益
长相吸引力的匹配
礼尚往来:喜欢那些喜欢我们的人
相似性:喜欢与我们相像的人
有吸引力的相像种类
相异并不相吸
相像具有吸引力的原因
障碍:得不到的就喜欢
男女两性期望的理想伴侣
请你思考

第4章 社会认知
第一印象(及以后)
知觉的力量
伴侣的理想化
归因过程
记忆
关系信念
期望
自我知觉
印象管理
印象管理策略
亲密关系中的印象管理
我们了解伴侣的程度
了解
动机
伴侣的易理解性
知觉者的能力
危险的知觉
知觉者的影响
小结
请你思考

第5章 沟通
非言语沟通
非言语沟通的组成
非言语的敏感性
非言语沟通中的性别差异
言语沟通
自我表露
言语沟通中的性?差异
沟通障碍及其应对
沟通不良
精确表述
积极倾听
守礼而镇定
尊重和确认的力量
请你思考

第6章 相互依赖
社会交换
奖赏与代价
人际关系的期望收益
人际关系的替代收益
人际关系的四种类型
与时俱变的比较水平
亲密关系的经济论
与时俱变的奖赏和代价
亲密关系中的贪婪
相互依赖的实质
交换关系与共有关系
公平关系
小结
忠诚的本质
忠诚引起?后果
请你思考

第7章 友谊
友谊的本质
友谊的属性
友谊的规则
……
第8章 爱情
第9章 性爱
第10章 压力与紧张
第11章 冲突
第12章 权力和暴力
第13章 亲密关系的解体与消亡
第14章 亲密关系的维持和修复
Book Abstract

每天都会发生很多随意的性行为,但只有部分性行为是安全的。大多数大学生——约四分之三——都曾有过随意的性关系,即和没有恋爱的伴侣发生性关系,而且常常只持续一个晚上,根本不会有任何建立长期关系的愿望。大多数一夜情的双方是非常熟识的——很多时候性伙伴是自己的朋友——但有很多一夜情(37%)的双方并不认识或者不是很了解。一些一夜情只有接吻和性爱抚,但大约有一半的当事人会发生口交或者性行为(尤其如果有人醉酒时),如果发生了性行为,大概只有一半的情形会使用避孕套。
在恋爱关系中性行为更加不安全——大学生在和新的恋人开始发生性行为时,只有一半的人会始终坚持使用避孕套——而在校园之外,情况更为严重。对在约会网站上寻找男友的740名妇女(大多数人的年龄在30岁和40岁左右)的调查发现,当她们第一次和新的伙伴面对面坐在一起之前,一般非常谨慎;先要进行漫长的对话,检查对方的背景,并且在答应会面之前要商谈好界限,然后才会在公共场合会面,携带上辣椒水喷雾器,或者让一位朋友待在附近。但所有这些小心举措并不能确保安全的性行为。或许因为她们(相信)彼此已经非常了解,30%的妇女在第一次和新伙伴会面时就会发生性行为。并且总体上看,不论何时发生性关系,和线上伴侣会面的妇女在第一次发生性关系时有77%的人不会使用避孕套。
因而,很多人在和新伴侣或者暂时的伙伴发生性行为时,并没有使用避孕套。而在美国每5位少女就有一位感染了生殖器尖锐湿疣(Tanner,2008),他们就是在这样的环境下放弃了安全性行为。究竟怎么了?为什么这么多明智的人却会发生如此多的不安全的性行为?有几个原因:
低估了不安全性行为的风险。首先,很多人的数学非常糟糕。比如,某位女性在与某位感染了人类免疫缺陷病毒(HIV,正是这种病毒引起了艾滋病)的男性的一次未采取保护措施的性接触中,感染艾滋病的概率实际上非常低,只有0。2%。但如果这种低概率的事件不断发生,其将来发生的可能性必然会提高。这里的问题是:如果某位女性与感染艾滋病的男性发生10次未采取保护措施的性行为,她感染HIV的可能性有多大?人们估计其几率大约为5%,但实际上高达40。1%。如果他们不安全性行为的次数有100次,事实上可以断定该女性会变为HIV阳性;她感染的几率为99。4%。
类似地,几乎所有人都低估了过去性生活活跃的新伴侣身患性传播疾病累计的总体风险,这种虚假的安全感妨碍了避孕套的使用。性伴侣众多的人比我们想象到的更有可能感染性病,即使与每一个性伴侣单次性接触的风险很低。如果伴侣俊美动人,我们尤其有可能低估这种风险;长相越俊美,我们认识到的风险就越低,如果发生性行为就越不可能使用避孕套。
有一种特别的偏差叫特殊安全错觉,也会影响到我们对风险的估计。大多数人都会认为不幸的事件通常更可能发生在别人身上,而自己不会这么倒霉,所以我们不会采取明智的预防措施,以避免可以预见到的危险。具有讽刺意味的是,正是那些认为自己不太可能会感染性病的人更不可能使用避孕套,这使得他们更加可能感染性病。错误决策。本打算使用避孕套的人有时头脑发热会改变主意,之后又会对他们的决定感到后悔。是什么原因致使他们作出了糟糕的决定?原因之一是性唤醒。当大学男生变得性兴奋时,他们看待事物的角度和他们清醒时已然不同。花样变化的性行为(比如掌掴屁股、二王一后的3P、与60岁老妪的性交)看起来更有诱惑力,存在道德问题的行为(比如偷偷塞给女性毒品以获得性满足)看起来更能接受,而避孕套则不怎么令人愉快。男性一旦变得性兴奋。真的会“失去自制力”。
……
Introduction

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