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Jingdong book

不打不骂,培养杰出男孩的50个细节

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在教育孩子的问题上,很多父母坚持男孩女孩无差别对待的观点。事实果真如此吗?为什么男孩女孩感兴趣的游戏和玩具会截然不同?为什么男孩比女孩在课堂上更容易分心走神?为什么女孩的阅读和写作成绩通常要比男生更优异?
事实上,生理学、心理学、教育学、社会学等方面的研究均已证明了男孩和女孩天生就是不同的。男孩就是男孩,女孩就是女孩,无论5岁、15岁还是25岁,他们的世界绝不是同一个样子。他们的优势、劣势各有不同,将来所要承担的社会角色也有所差别。盲目地执行混养的落后教育方式只能是事倍功半,只有用恰当的方式来“配合”男孩女孩的这些差异,才能为他们的成长带来更大助益。
Content Description

培养孩子不是一朝一夕的事,有些家长只看到自己的孩子与其他孩子之间的差别,却不知道这种差别其实来源于家长的不同教育方式。家庭是孩子最基本的生活和教育单位,学校教育很难照顾到每个学生的特点,这就需要家长来做有效的补充。若问家长,是想把孩子简单养活大,还是精心教育大?肯定都会选择后者。但家长毕竟不是教育专家,很难面面俱到。
有感于家庭教育的被忽视与不得法,我们精心编写了符合时代需要的《不打不骂,培养杰出男孩的50个细节》这本书。书中理论与实践相结合,既有极具代表性的亲子教育案例,也有简单实用、操作性强的教育方法。相信一定能给广大家长朋友带来帮助。
Catalogue

不打不骂,杰出男孩慢慢教
了解男孩的天赋和弱势
熟悉男孩的成长轨迹
妈妈放手,男孩才能长大
父亲,做好男孩的榜样

培养关键之一:为人当自立,让男孩告别依赖自由成长
No.1 对男孩要充分尊重和信任
No.2 让男孩学会独立思考
No.3 鼓励男孩大声说出自己的想法
No.4 让男孩拥有自主选择权
No.5 多给男孩一些尝试的机会
No.6 让男孩做力所能及的事

培养关键之二:玉不琢不成器,经历挫折的男孩才强大
No.7 让男孩明白挫折是生活的一部分
No.8 让男孩在挫折中成长
No.9 培养男孩的抗挫折能力
No.10 增强男孩受挫后的恢复能力
No.11 鼓励男孩参与竞争
No.12 赋予男孩永不言弃的精神

培养关键之三:个性决定命运,打造男孩的完美性格
No.13 从小培养男孩的责任心
No.14 要男孩为自己的过失“埋单”
No.15 教男孩学会反省
No.16 让男孩学会道歉
No.17 打造阳刚的男孩
No.18 让胆怯的男孩变得勇敢

培养关键之四:提升心智成长,教男孩学会控制情绪
No.19 正确看待男孩的英雄情结
No.20 妥善处理男孩的情绪波动
No.21 理解男孩的冒险行为
No.22 让男孩不再是“捣蛋机器”
No.23 让男孩告别浮躁
No.24 有效处理男孩的叛逆
No.25 引导男孩远离暴力

培养关键之五:学会为人处世,让男孩做一个受欢迎的人
No.26 教男孩学会感恩
No.27 让男孩拥有爱心
No.28 教男孩懂礼貌
No.29 培养诚信的男孩
No.30 培养男孩做宽容大度的绅士
No.31 让男孩用尊重换得尊重
No.32 教男孩谨慎择友

培养关键之六:积小恶成大患,别让坏习惯毁掉男孩的未来
No.33 帮男孩养成良好的作息习惯
No.34 鼓励男孩坚持运动
Book Abstract

No.4 鼓励男孩大声说出自己的想法
听话的男孩让家长安心,因为他们在小时候可以避免许多不必要的危险和麻烦。听话的男孩也让家长欣慰,因为他们理解能力强,善解人意。但在这样一个强调创意的年代,如果男孩习惯于听话,那么当他独立面对世界的时候,往往会因为找不到权威的发话人而无所适从,迷失自己。
一位母亲向教育专家咨询:“怎么才能让我的儿子有主见呢?他从小就很听话,可最近他升到幼儿园大班,老师经常要求小朋友说说自己的想法。他听话的优点这时就变成了缺点,因为他总是显得没有主见、缺乏应变能力。老师跟我说他做事不够积极主动。我一下子觉得好有压力。这么听话的孩子,我真不知道该用什么方法让他积极主动起来。”
要让一个习惯于听话的男孩表达出自己的想法,家长不妨试试下面的方法:
首先,要减少对男孩“真乖”“真听话”之类的评价。总是用“真乖”“真听话”来夸奖男孩,慢慢地男孩便会习惯于事事按照家长的要求去做。可是一旦让他自己拿主意,他就不知道该怎么办才好了。家长可以改变赞扬的方式,使用其他更具体的评价。比如,男孩吃完零食收拾垃圾时,家长可以称赞他:“做得好!吃完东西就马上收拾干净,这样既整洁又卫生!”久而久之,男孩就知道自己该做什么,不该做什么,而不需要事事等待吩咐了。
其次,要尊重男孩的感觉。男孩有自己的想法,也许他们的想法是幼稚的,甚至是错误的,但家长不要轻易加以否定,要尊重男孩的感觉。
妈妈带贝贝去商场买衣服。贝贝看中一件印着面包超人的外套。妈妈摸了摸,觉得做工非常粗糙,就给贝贝买了另外一件。贝贝很不高兴。妈妈耐心地跟他说:“这件质量比那件好,还更贵呢!”可是贝贝说:“这件虽然好,但是没有面包超人。我不喜欢。”
其实,孩子并不一定要买多么高档的东西,尤其是男孩,他们更注重自己的兴趣所在。
再次,要给男孩一些选择的机会。在听话的男孩身边,往往有个细心、能干而且具有绝对权威的家长。他为男孩计划好了一切,却忘记了询问男孩自己有什么意见。家长应该多听听男孩的看法,多给男孩一些选择的权利。比如问男孩“咱们今天是去动物园呢还是去科技馆”“明天爷爷过生日,咱们送爷爷什么生日礼物好呢”。一旦把选择的权利给了男孩,就要接受他的选择。
最后,要给男孩争辩的权利。面对男孩反驳、顶撞等方式的争辩,家长要给予他们争辩的权利。
一天晚上,妈妈和刚上小学的儿子争执起来了。“您这样做是不对的,”儿子大声说,“我有看电视的自由!”妈妈恼了,大声斥责儿子:“不许看就是不许看!明天一早还要上学,看晚了明天起不来怎么办!”妈妈一边冲过去关电视,一边对儿子瞪眼睛。儿子大吼道:“你要打我吗?打我是犯法的,未成年人保护法!”听了儿子的话,妈妈实在忍不住,一边说“看谁来保护你”,一边朝儿子的小屁股拍了几巴掌。儿子大哭起来,显得十分委屈。
第二天,在送儿子去学校的路上,妈妈为昨晚的事向儿子道歉。儿子也不好意思起来,对妈妈说:“那我也应该向您道歉,我不应该用那种语气和您说话。”
妈妈这时突然想到,儿子以前从来没有那样犟过,昨晚是怎么了?一问才知道,原来儿子昨天因为字写得好,被老师表扬,作业还被贴在墙上作示范,所以决定奖励自己看一段动画片。妈妈问儿子:“那你昨晚怎么不说呢?”儿子说:“昨晚你有给我说话的机会吗?”
男孩敢与家长争辩是件有益的事。心理学家认为,争辩能帮助男孩变得自信和独立。男孩能从争辩中感觉到自己受到重视,知道怎样才能贯彻自己的意志。一旦争辩获得“胜利”,他还会意识到父母并非总是正确的。这无疑会让男孩获得一种成就感,既有了估量自己能力的机会,同时也锻炼了意志力。

……

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