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我们为何欢庆失眠

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我们为何欢庆失眠

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《我们为何欢庆失眠》是写给那些在深夜里睡不着的人们,这些人是城市生活里的大多数,他们白天工作、生活、应酬饭局,只有到了深夜,才开始在漫长的无聊中自己面对自己。这些失眠者,大多怀揣着秘密,有人讲,有人藏,有人选择默默遗忘。
失眠的人并不孤独,他们只是不愿意凑到热闹里。有些话藏起来不说,有些故事看过就算,只是总还相信,失眠者总有机会相逢,击掌

Content Description

吃太多/没吃饱/赶工作/再玩会儿,每个人都可以轻易为睡不着找到一千种不同的理由,然而只有自己才知道自己为何失眠。爱早了/爱迟了/爱错了/爱死了,总结下来无非是自己得罪了自己。
《我们为何欢庆失眠》里的13个或长或短的睡前故事,写了不同的人、不同的职业、不同的城市,有时浪漫,有时残忍,读完之后却是同一种难以入眠。这些故事,从寻常可见的浪漫词汇开始,帮你寻找到爱情关系里最刺痛你的那一根刺,读这些或长或短的故事,想起那些或对或错的人。
这十三个睡前故事,写给那些假装熟睡在你身边的人。你选择讲给他/她听,绝不是为了揭穿,而是告诉他/她:即便如此,我还爱你。
晚安。

Author Description

乔小囧,男,青年作家、编剧。为人正直,不吃榴莲。

Comments

★书名叫做《我们为何欢庆失眠》,可是却从头到尾都没有给出一个像样的答案。我无非是在睡不着的时候写下一个个故事,讲给你们听。
——乔小囧

★在微博开始关注他。他的文字总是能引发我很多的共鸣。我本不是爱看书的人,他的 文章我愿意逐字逐句沉浸。 他的幽默中带着股淡淡的忧伤,我喜欢这调调。
——读者评论

★写的真的不错,后来就百度乔小囧,先是看了新浪博客,接着又到了网易微博,微博上说他出书了,就又辗转到豆瓣图书,一个好的文章就是能让你对这个新生作家一步一步提起关注。
——读者评论
Catalogue

0自序
1没人跟他跳舞的作家
2无脚鸟
3时光机
4江城,我快认不出你了
5地铁
6礼物
7上帝有块精工表
8烟花
9香水
10我如何学会停止恐惧并爱上糖果
11酒
12电话亭
13预言家

Book Abstract

时光机
陆瑟的左手在林嘉的乳头上画圈,伸出床外的右手夹着一根快要燃尽的中南海点八,显然他正心不在焉,烟灰全都撒在了烟灰缸的外面。他把烟噙在嘴上,从枕头下捉起遥控器,漫无目的地翻看着电视频道。
“这个点儿竟然还放动画片,真为这些电视人的智商捉急。” 他鄙视地摇摇头,是啊,午夜两点一刻。
“右边也要揉揉。”林嘉噘着嘴巴撒娇道。
林嘉一直对自己的罩杯不满意,每一次陆瑟抽事后烟的时候都要例行帮她揉搓乳房。陆瑟怀疑,乳房按摩在她的塑身理论里是不是已经和瑜伽一样重要了。陆瑟是支持妻子去学瑜伽的,他以为瑜伽意味着以后会带来更多新鲜的体位,最起码瑜伽球也不失为一个好道具。
在他们刚恋爱的时候,就这样按摩着按摩着,陆瑟的手指就会像一颗偏离轨道的卫星一样,慢慢地往其他的位置游移过去,然后变成第二场性爱。可现在,他的手就和他的下面一样懒惰,悄悄地就软了下去,然后就像一个午后吃饱了饭的小猫一样打起了盹儿。如果不是动画片的声音吵着,陆瑟或许已经睡着了吧。
“我觉得静子一定也是喜欢大雄的,这一定是她心里的一个秘密,你看她和大雄一起做作业的样子,你看嘛看嘛看嘛……”
林嘉揪扭着陆瑟的耳垂。
“谁心里没个秘密的事儿呢。”
陆瑟翻了个身,于半睡半醒间搪塞道。
这无疑是一个错误的回答。
林嘉坐了起来,一对B+的乳房显得单薄而凄凉。
“什么秘密。说,你有什么秘密。”
“我开玩笑呢。”
“少来。你今天必须说。”
“我爱你啊。”
“少来。我不爱你。说。”
“我爱你啊。”
“少来。说,你有什么秘密。你是不是还喜欢你的EX?”
“哦,天哪!咱俩已经是有结婚证的人了。”
尽管还没有办酒席,但陆瑟觉得这个质疑简直是对自己最大的侮辱。他坐了起来,面色阴沉。科学研究表明,女性能将秘密保持47个小时,而在女性的逼问下,男性的秘密只能保持4—7小时。
陆瑟觉得男人此刻简直变成了无法容忍的弱者。陆瑟把手指向电视机里正在翻肚子上口袋的哆啦A梦,大声吼道:“操!我的秘密就是,我他妈的有一台时光机行吗?”
林嘉沉默了很久,啜泣道:“如果你真有时光机,我恨不得立刻回到三年前,那时候你可从不会对我大吼大叫。”
陆瑟顿时觉得伤感起来。三年前的情人节他一脸胡楂COS成《玩具总动员》里的牛仔胡迪,出现在机场单膝下跪接留学回国的林嘉,接机的女孩儿们发出阵阵忌妒的欢呼,只有机场的保安冲上来盘问他腰间别着的那把手枪到底是玩具还是别有企图,最后的结果是按照违禁物品给扣下了,但陆瑟依然获得了林嘉公主的吻。
“如果能回到三年前,我宁肯和张川在一起。”
林嘉的叫嚷声打断了陆瑟的回忆,陆瑟刚刚涌起的自责瞬间被另一种情绪所攻陷。他想,那时候林嘉也不会有这么多的无理取闹吧。
张川是林嘉的初恋,在陆瑟追她的漫长过程里,这个人名常常被她拿来当作刺刀,当年陆瑟可被捅得够呛。张川是个会浪漫的人,他每天给林嘉送一束夹着情话便签的鲜花,这可比陆瑟送的早餐管用多了。那时候林嘉会吃着陆瑟送来的鸡蛋,把玫瑰花塞到陆瑟的鼻子下面,让他闻是不是比昨天的那束百合香多了。如果不是张川主动人间蒸发,不再联系林嘉,林嘉或许还要迟疑更久的时间。陆瑟总告诉自己,这或许就是天道酬勤的道理——上帝显然是个实用主义者,比起送花的人,他更宠爱送白煮蛋的孩子。
早晨醒来,林嘉发现陆瑟真的变了一台时光机出来。
餐桌上摆着一桌丰盛的早餐,她揉了揉眼睛,觉得太阳从西边出来了。围着围裙的陆瑟从厨房出来,端着一枚心形的煎蛋。
“再等几分钟,给你煮的米酒汤圆就出锅了。”
林嘉穿着睡衣,愣在那里,她在算他们有多久没在一起吃过早餐了。陆瑟每天要早起赶班车去朝阳门一家出版社编辑稿子,而林嘉常常睡到下午,漫不经心地开车去三里屯的一家披着时尚外衣的土鳖杂志,给客户update新的广告方案。
吃完早餐,陆瑟吻着林嘉的脖子,推着她往前走,双手顺着林嘉的小腹向下滑去。
“闭上眼睛,再你一个惊喜。”
林嘉嘴角带着甜蜜的微笑应允着,碎步朝前挪着。她也不需要走得太快,她很享受现在,这算是几年来陆瑟最主动的一次前戏。 林嘉睁开眼睛,书房,哦天哪!竟然在书房。林嘉下面一阵温热,她不止一次幻想过在书房做爱,可是这个出身书香门第的老公却从来不允许在这里有任何的亲昵。装修房子的时候,林嘉想要一面淡红色的墙,陆瑟却武断地把这里刷得雪白,陆瑟总是说这里是思考的地方,然后指一下墙上挂着的加缪的画像,说道:“多少人犯下罪行仅仅因为不能忍受邪恶,我们可千万不能在这里犯罪哦。”然后和林嘉回到卧室里做中规中矩的爱。
陆瑟把窗帘拉着,锁上房门。桌上点着一盏香薰灯,散发着暧昧的味道。陆瑟把林嘉抱上书桌,从抽屉里摸出一套不知何时偷偷买回来的SM道具,他温柔地把林嘉的双手反锁起来,在林嘉的脚上套上性感的皮质脚铐,又在林嘉的嘴巴里塞上一枚可爱的红色口塞。林嘉从未觉得自己的爱人这么man,他今天要在这里,自己从不敢造次的书房来一场自己要求许久的性爱游戏。
陆瑟用下体蹭着她,暧昧地望着她。林嘉的下面已经像海水一样泛滥了。
陆瑟问,你爱我吗。
林嘉点点头。陆瑟问,我带你回到三年前好不好?
林嘉点点头。陆瑟问,那你说回到过去你还会选张川吗?
林嘉摇摇头。
陆瑟从桌上跳了下去,把加缪的画像一把扯掉,他像变魔术一般从角落里拿起一把红色的尖锥,对着墙体敲了起来。
一下,一下,一下,陆瑟冷静得好像一个报时的座钟。
北京时间,早晨9点12分。
三分钟,仅仅三分钟。白色的墙面纷纷剥落,像秋天下起的树叶雨。瞪大了双眼的林嘉看到张川的脚骨从墙体里暴露出来,然后随着涂料掉落下来,掉在加缪的眼睛上。她认得那双绿色的球鞋,是自己送给张川的生日礼物。
“你不是一直嫌这里的装修太严肃了吗,我们现在把它改造成你要的红色好吗?”
陆瑟拿着尖锥走了过来,兴奋地说道。上帝是个守时的人,陆瑟最终还是讲出了自己的秘密。
……

Introduction

与小囧老师相识已久,知心不换命的朋友。很大程度上我拿他当自己弟弟一样,希望他好,但别比我还好。嗯哼。我们聚在一起的大多时候是喝酒逗贫,用一种不正经的方式在这座我们混迹着却永远无法融入的陌生城市相互取暖。在小囧初到北京的相当长一段时间里,我们几乎每星期有五天混在一起,因为身旁都没有女人,也没正经营生,组个小酒局聚一起推杯换盏,成了我们对抗每天无所事事之寂寞与对未来没着没落之惶恐的最有效办法。现在回忆起来,那么频繁的见面,我们从未吵架翻脸,也没发展成断臂蓝宇,实在值得庆幸。
小囧来北京短短几年,剧本已经化成影像,文字也已经铅字出版,实在令我惊喜。说句俗不可耐的评价,皆因小囧够努力,而且他的努力不是口号式的,而是那种有方向有目标心中有数、不显山不露水默不张扬的努力,他是真正属于那种“哪里有什么眼袋,我只不过是把别人睡觉的时间用在了熬夜上”的人。
相信目前很多人,乃至读者认识乔小囧都是因为微博,但如他如我这种现实中知己知彼的人都知道,微博只是一种壳,甚至是对真实自己的一种保护。真正的乔小囧有一种与生俱来的敏感与细腻,这也正是这本书里的文字所呈现出来的状态。而且他的细腻与敏感是有分寸的,不会矫情而造作,不会为赋强说愁。这和微博上的小囧是截然相反的两张面具,若是我说,这本书中文字背后的小囧才是更真实的他,没有陆瑟和林嘉,没有那些平淡却刺骨的故事,一切都是他自己,他的回忆、他的想象、他的向往。一个真实的、曾经没有方向的、不知道还该不该热爱生活的乔小囧。
如今我和小囧隔三差五还会相聚,每一次见面我都会有些许惊喜,他一直在改变,变得稳重,成熟。我知道这样的赞美何其肉麻,但这是我真实的看法,看到自己的朋友在向着越来越好的方向越来越好地成长,就如同看到自己媳妇儿终于学会煮饭和番茄炒蛋一样,会感到由衷地欣慰与高兴。人都会就着自己优秀的一面发展。如同师爷高、县长硬一样,但小囧现在好比黄老爷,正在又高又硬地前进着。
这本书里,我喜欢《我如何学会停止恐惧并爱上糖果》,我喜欢《酒》,我还喜欢《预言家》,其实我喜欢这本书里的大多数故事,因为我喜欢他所理解的生活和他所解读的爱情,如同偷窥一个人真实本我的隐私一样。就如书名《我们为何欢庆失眠》,那是与我和小囧一样,拥有同样一种生活状态的某一批人,对自身生活的自嘲与无奈。我感动的是,小囧把它化成了一种柔软在讲述。
其实最开始我是想从小说的架构与讲故事的方法上来分析一下小囧的文字能量。但动笔前的刹那觉得那太傻逼了,他的文字有足够的画面感,及故事背后的故事,一本书有一个故事让你有共鸣、沉思、感悟就足够了,如同一部电影只有三分钟让你赞叹、大笑或流泪。当然我必须说这不是小囧最好的文字,他本可以写得更好,也一定会有更好的,这不是营销或者吹捧,是基于我对他一直以来所努力的肯定,和身为朋友对他的期许。
最后,接到小囧的邀请让我给他的新书作序,其实十分纠结,有一个问题开始百思不得其解地困扰我,也就是在这样的困扰中开始写这篇序,如你们所见,完全是想到哪儿写到哪儿,全无顺序逻辑可言,哪怕写到此处,那个问题依然在让我纠结——他找我写序?那,那那那我要多少钱合适啊……
他说不给钱。
赖宝

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    2-Day Express (Includes Alaska & Hawaii) starts at $19.99.

Return Policy

You may return product within 30 days upon receiving the product. Items returned must be new in it's original packing, including the original invoice for the purchase. Customer return product at their own expense.

Sold by JD@CHINA

Service Guarantee

Yami Cross-store Free Shipping over $69
Yami 30-days Return

Yami-China FC

Yami has a consolidation warehouse in China which collects multiple sellers’ packages and combines to one order. Our Yami consolidation warehouse will directly ship the packages to your door. Cross-store free shipping over $69.

Return Policy

You may return products within 30 days upon receiving the products. Sellers take responsibilities for any wrong shipment or missing items. Packing needs to be unopened for any other than quality issues return. We promise to pack carefully, but because goods are taking long journey to destinations, simple damages to packaging may occur. Any damages not causing internal goods quality problems are not allowed to return. If you open the package and any quality problem is found, please contact customer service within three days after receipt of goods.

Shipping Information

Yami Consolidation Service Shipping Fee $9.99(Free shipping over $69)

Sellers in China will ship their orders within 1-2 business days once the order is placed. Packages are sent to our consolidation warehouse in China and combined there. Our Yami consolidation warehouse will directly ship the packages to you via UPS. The average time for UPS to ship from China to the United States is about 10 working days and it can be traced using the tracking number. Due to the pandemic, the delivery time may be delayed by about 5 days. The package needs to be signed by the guest. If the receipt is not signed, the customer shall bear the risk of loss of the package.

Sold by JD@CHINA

Service Guarantee

Free shipping over 69
Genuine guarantee

Shipping

Yami Consolidated Shipping $9.99(Free shipping over $69)


Seller will ship the orders within 1-2 business days. The logistics time limit is expected to be 7-15 working days. In case of customs clearance, the delivery time will be extended by 3-7 days. The final receipt date is subject to the information of the postal company.

Yami Points information

All items are excluding from any promotion or points events on Yamibuy.com

Return Policy

You may return product within 30 days upon receiving the product. Items returned must be new in it's original packing, including the original invoice for the purchase. Customer return product at their own expense.

Yami

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About the brand

Jingdong book

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About the brand

Jingdong book