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Jingdong book

我敢在你怀里孤独

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我敢在你怀里孤独

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平装版,外封采用进口高级环保彩柔纸,内页为80磅定制雅涂纸,全彩印刷。

世界这么大,你我这么小。我们该如何自处与相处?
奶茶刘若英,花一年的时间探讨、反思自处与相处的道理。
她是你、是我,是每一个曾在各种相处关系中,失去过自我、忘记独处美好的我们。

Content Description

《我敢 在你怀里孤独》是刘若英的全新文字作品,收录刘若英长文自白、与八位朋友对白,以及53张精选摄影图片,探讨自处与相处的关系。
刘若英长文自白:我还想要继续,这样矛盾的人生!
与八位朋友对白:卢广仲 五月天玛莎 陈绮贞 林奕华 宋冬野 王浩威 五月天石头 詹仁雄
“现在回想起来,在生产前,安排写作这本关于“自处”与“相处”题目的书,对我来说,也许就像切格瓦拉的《革命前夕的摩托车之旅》般,在进入人生另一阶段前,透过与朋友的对谈,重新审视自己的人生,并试着寻找未来可能会走的路。”——刘若英
※朋友眼中的她──天生就擅于独处
她知道去哪里买一人份的香槟,因为她深信,“一个人生活不代表不能取悦自己”。
她知道失恋时要如何疗伤,“买一块电毯、点一盏夜灯”,度过一个人的寒冷冬夜。
她一个人吃饭、逛展、看电影、唱KTV……“这些事我一个人就可以完成”,话里没有半点逞强。
※你不知道的她──在各种状态下自处
深信独处里自由的美好滋味无可取代。
独处的基因,源自于两岁开始拥有自己的房间,与祖父母共居。
随时保持说走就走的状态,“能选择是重要的!不管怎样,我保有人生的最终选择权”。
※角色转变的她──在自处与相处的矛盾中找答案
她说,其实三个人要比两个人,两个人要比一个人更勇敢。
为什么幸福人妻不能感叹秋天的萧瑟?夫妻一定得什么事都黏在一起,同进同出?
──关于自处──
不管你是享受独处,还是被迫独处,都不能失去拥抱独处的能力!
因为,生命本身的自言自语极其重要,毕竟,由他人拼凑起来的不会是同一个你,那不是真正的自己。
▲孤独感是与生俱来的自然状态
孤独感与生俱来,自生自灭,非他人所致。这不意味着痛苦,是一种跟自己相处的状态。
▲唯有孤独可以带来精彩与伟大
叔本华曾经说过类似的话,“要么孤独、要么庸俗”。
▲独处不该是一种哲学,它就是一种生活样态
我不会告诉你“生命是孤独地存在”这种哲理的说法。它意味着自由,“不需从众,可以自我。”
──关于相处──
保留、或不保留地付出;在此时停留、或出走。选择权都操之在我。即便我现在决定为了你,学着适应相处,那也是我的选择。相处不是独处的相反。相处是独处的一部分。
▲在各种关系里失去一部分的自己
人的一生,不是在争取自己的空间,就是在适应别人的空间。
独处是将自己无限放大,相处则是尽可能地缩小,去适应别人空出来的位置。
▲在一起时像粘土,分开时像磁铁
相处就像是把两个独处放在一起。在一起时像粘土,形塑成第三种样貌;分开的时候像磁铁,彼此相吸却又各自独立。
▲暂时无话可说也无所谓的最高境界
即使两人暂时无话可说也无所谓,相对无言,就暂时沉默。这是两人相处互相信任的表现、最高境界。
Author Description

刘若英,唱过一些歌有红的有不红的,演过一些戏有好的有不好的,出过几本书都是诚实面对自己的字句,感觉做过很多事情却仍感觉不足够感恩生命。
图文作品:一个人的KTV,下楼谈恋爱,我想跟你走,我的不完美,爱情限量版,我敢在你怀里孤独。
Comments

★我喜欢刘若英,不是她某一个阶段,而是整场花开的过程。
读这本书,奶茶只有一杯,冷冷热热,醇醇淡淡,全在一杯里。
——张嘉佳专文推荐(作家)

★“奶茶她的文笔只是顺着她的思考,她对生命世界的种种思考,自己的,还有别人的。……当奶茶来自内心深处的真诚思考,开始唤起我们遗忘许久的感觉,好像一切被世俗生活逐渐抹灭的许多生命原始的感觉,都回来了。……谢谢奶茶,以及她的这一本书,我因此有了一个未曾预期的丰富旅程。”
——王浩威专业推荐(心理医师)
Catalogue

推荐序:全在一杯里 (张嘉佳)
推荐序:孤独力──情感高度成熟的指标(王浩威)
自序:我敢在你怀里孤独
【自白篇】
我还想要继续,这样矛盾的人生!
【对谈篇】
1 请不要在我身边灵魂出窍╳卢广仲
2 我想听见你的声音╳五月天玛莎
3 繁华背后的孤独╳林奕华
4 没有接触的亲密vs.近距离的疏离╳陈绮贞
5 独处是一种精神上的自由╳宋冬野
6 美好相处是可以练习的╳王浩威
7 石头的独处训练╳五月天石头
8 值得倡导的独立婚姻模式╳詹仁雄
Book Abstract

独处是一种精神上的自由
对谈宋冬野
你应该也有这种经验,在某一段时间里,总是重复听着同一首歌。忘记听了几遍,听到觉得自己像消失了,钻进那歌里去了。那一阵子,我的主题曲是宋冬野的《鸽子》:“迷路的鸽子啊/我在双手合十的晚上/渴望一双翅膀/飞去南方南方……”就这么听久了,自己也想唱,于是问了他的联络方式便冒昧地写信过去,希望得到他的授权。尊重创作者是必须的。没想到很快得到他的飞鸽传书。就这样一来一回,纵使未曾谋面,也算有些小交情。
局里的局外人
同年秋天,宋来台北做演唱会。我让经纪人去买票,没想到,他们邀我做嘉宾。当时我的肚子已经七个多月,而且在那之前,怀孕的我从未现身于媒体之前,但还是一口答应了,因为我喜欢他的歌,那阵子,他的歌就是我。
演唱会当天下午的彩排,是我们第一次碰面。他看起来害羞又紧张,而许久没有演出的我,在握住麦克风的当下,竟突然有种陌生的感觉。我想起前往彩排地点的路上,因适逢选举前的周末,闹区里正在游行,这是我熟悉的台北,塞在车阵里,然而车窗也隔绝不了那些高分贝的诺言与谎言,即便在台湾游行活动再平常不过,尤其这些年,但还是感觉很疏离,或许我对这事,注定无法习惯。
有时人生就是熟悉与陌生的交错。我跟宋说,办演唱会的这个地方,叫作“台北国际会议中心”,因为陈升的演唱会,我在这里跨了十个年,从当助理到处找人上台,到自己在台上唱,这是我再熟悉不过的地方了。但没想到晃眼经年,想上个厕所竟然找不到位置,记忆中了如指掌的地方,变陌生了。当天晚上也是第51届金马奖典礼,前一年因为当评审,还坐在颁奖典礼上,煞有介事地演了一晚上的优雅;今年,怀孕,当了演唱会的嘉宾,虽然有理由可以不去参加,却突然觉得自己是局内的局外人,又是一种熟悉的陌生。
陌生人的纯粹
我们需要熟悉所带来的安全感,也需要陌生所给予的刺激感。熟悉与陌生,在一个人独处时常交替出现。我问宋,一个人听音乐的时候,会戴上耳机吗?他说,戴耳机听音乐是他的一种习惯,偏偏一个人的时候戴上耳机更没安全感,因为现在耳机的隔音效果都太好,反而会全神贯注地去听外面的声音,生怕耽误了什么事。
“所以在戴耳机前还得有个仪式:找个绝对安静的地方,把门都给锁了,确定屋内什么人都没有。”他说。
“你平常一个人的机会很多吗?”我接着问。
“多,基本上都是一个人,不想出门,懒。”
宋说,他最长一个人独处的时间是两个月,“就在家啊,醉生梦死,”吃饭就叫小卖部老板送几个馒头上来,死都不肯下楼。奶奶去世、女朋友跑了,那段特别低潮的时间,就成天写歌,他说《安河桥北》这张专辑里,有五六首歌,都是那时候写的。
“低潮期,”我想每个创作人都有过这段过程,“通常都是这样。”而在低潮期和自己的对话,纵然孤独,却绝对是弥足珍贵的。
情感是创作的养分。自己的爱情,别人的爱情;自己的亲情,别人的亲情。创作的时候,会把自己放到别人的位置上,写歌是这样,唱歌是这样,演戏更是这样。
“对,很多创作是聊出来的。”他说,有次他跟个小姑娘聊了一整晚,她很小就离开家,爱情、亲情都很坎坷,全中国走南闯北,却没有人可以听她讲这些心底事,当天晚上就一股脑地讲出来,“我特别喜欢听这样的故事,有些会写成歌,每回有人在放这歌的时候,我总会想,这就好像有好多好多人在看顾着这个小姑娘。”
我想到我第一本书里面有一篇《我的三十元的秘密》,有回搭计程车从A地到B地,车费大约是七十块钱,在路程中,司机问了好些问题,我都一五一十地回答,我从没如此诚实地回答过一个人,毫不避讳隐私的问题。到了目的地,拿一百块给司机,跟他说不用找了。下了车,好像用这三十块钱守住了我的秘密,这车、这司机,就仿佛带着秘密离开了。
有时候,陌生人的关心与倾听是一种纯粹,也没有负担。
思想上的自由
大部分人的独处,意味着一种自由。不需从众,可以自我。
宋有很多事习惯在自己的家里做,用自己的方式在家里录音,趴在床上,胸前垫两颗枕头,拿铅笔写歌。
而我,在家里,动不动就想擦个地板,这里摸摸,那里弄弄,整理房间,把家都整理一遍,人也累了,只有个方法,结果把自己关在一个地方,像是饭店。我每次写书的过程都很拖,出版社一直催稿,总要等到某天想写了,发狠把自己关在一个地方,一口气花两个礼拜把过去一整年想的事都写出来。
但独处不只是个空间的命题,某个程度来说,纵使一个人走在人潮拥挤的大街上也是一种独处,这是精神上的。宋很在意一种精神上的自由,他说“真正的自由是思想上的自由”,举了个例子,在电车上看到一个非常令人讨厌的流浪汉,很脏又很丑,这是表象,但你可以透过想象去理解这个人,他过得很苦,生活得很不堪,也可能亲人刚过世……“我可以在面对一个人的时候,脑子里疯狂地编写这个人的故事。”这与事实未必有关,却让想象的摆置得以伸展。
这很像我们演员演戏前的准备工作,先研究角色穿什么衣服、想什么、做什么。演戏说穿了就是玩扮家家酒,小时候拿起娃娃说自己是国王的时候,只要一变低声讲话,就真的觉得自己变成国王了。那个当下,我们好相信啊。
“如果可以在脑子里建构一些真实,应该就算是思想上的自由吧。”
……

Introduction

自序我敢在你怀里孤独

这几年对我来说,变化挺大。有新发现的人生,也有不适应的世界。有新学现卖的,也有我一辈子都不会懂的。

然而不管怎么变化,只要能安静坐下来写点心得,我都是沾沾自喜的。

单身时,一直想写一本书叫《练习一个人》。那个时候,常有朋友问我,如何让一个人的生活过得更有品质,过得有滋有味,甚至令人羡慕?(原来有人羡慕我!)确实,我对独处有点心得。但是,“懂得独处”和“能把孤独说得言之成理”,毕竟不是一回事。我始终没能好好跟他人分享我的心得。直到自己“脱单”,想再唠叨这事,却越想越怪了。

于是转个念,我就聊聊独处与相处的关系吧。这里指的相处,包含了一个人跟自己,也可以是两个人,或一个人和很多人。

我常常觉得,孤独感是与生俱来的,不会因为你是一个人,所以必定孤独,或因为有人相伴,所以圆满。孤独感对我来说并不意味着痛苦,那只是一种自己跟自己相处的状态。我希望我身边的人明白,孤独感是自生自灭的,不是因为他人导致。我这么说,一方面希望解除他人的心理负担,另一方面,是我想保有孤独的自由。我很珍惜这种自由。这就是为什么,我将这本书称为“我敢在你怀里孤独”。因为保有你,我感觉幸福,同时保有自己,所以能安心自由。

答应出版社要写书时,我还没有怀上孩子,到真正开始构思,我的身体已不是我一个人的,但我想完成这个计划的心情却愈发强烈。我开始邀朋友喝茶聊天,记录当时的对话与心境,直到收集成这本杂志书。我珍惜并感谢,这段时间,我能够同时创造新生命,并孕育出这一篇篇文字。这让我被友情围绕,同时感受自由。

谢谢陪我聊天的朋友,你们完全不过问我要做什么,约了时间就来。谢谢嵩龄、Ivy、如婷亮亮,陪着我日趋涨大的身躯,满台北地跑。你们减轻我的负担与不适,同时“温柔地”提高我的效率。最后,谢谢一直纵容我的你、你,和你们……

我不确定这本怪书有什么价值,但TA一定很诚实。

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You may return product within 30 days upon receiving the product. Items returned must be new in it's original packing, including the original invoice for the purchase. Customer return product at their own expense.

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Service Guarantee

Yami Cross-store Free Shipping over $69
Yami 30-days Return

Yami-China FC

Yami has a consolidation warehouse in China which collects multiple sellers’ packages and combines to one order. Our Yami consolidation warehouse will directly ship the packages to your door. Cross-store free shipping over $69.

Return Policy

You may return products within 30 days upon receiving the products. Sellers take responsibilities for any wrong shipment or missing items. Packing needs to be unopened for any other than quality issues return. We promise to pack carefully, but because goods are taking long journey to destinations, simple damages to packaging may occur. Any damages not causing internal goods quality problems are not allowed to return. If you open the package and any quality problem is found, please contact customer service within three days after receipt of goods.

Shipping Information

Yami Consolidation Service Shipping Fee $9.99(Free shipping over $69)

Sellers in China will ship their orders within 1-2 business days once the order is placed. Packages are sent to our consolidation warehouse in China and combined there. Our Yami consolidation warehouse will directly ship the packages to you via UPS. The average time for UPS to ship from China to the United States is about 10 working days and it can be traced using the tracking number. Due to the pandemic, the delivery time may be delayed by about 5 days. The package needs to be signed by the guest. If the receipt is not signed, the customer shall bear the risk of loss of the package.

Sold by JD@CHINA

Service Guarantee

Free shipping over 69
Genuine guarantee

Shipping

Yami Consolidated Shipping $9.99(Free shipping over $69)


Seller will ship the orders within 1-2 business days. The logistics time limit is expected to be 7-15 working days. In case of customs clearance, the delivery time will be extended by 3-7 days. The final receipt date is subject to the information of the postal company.

Yami Points information

All items are excluding from any promotion or points events on Yamibuy.com

Return Policy

You may return product within 30 days upon receiving the product. Items returned must be new in it's original packing, including the original invoice for the purchase. Customer return product at their own expense.

Yami

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About the brand

Jingdong book

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About the brand

Jingdong book