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Jingdong book

我不过无比正确的生活

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我不过无比正确的生活

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⊙清唱、女神饭局主编,清唱咖啡创始人艾小羊zui受期待作品,她的文字,总能去掉你的戾气,从此活得从从容容,自自在在。
⊙安定人心的42个生活哲学,混乱世俗的家常必备。迷失、犹豫、纠结、被打鸡血时,可用来提神、醒脑、解腻。
⊙网络自媒体zui受欢迎作者,十点读书、思想聚焦、壹心理、亚洲好书榜……赞赏推荐!
“谈恋爱就是谈人品”转发5万,两小时登上微博热门“你输在总是选容易走的路”“有一个会吵架的男朋友到底有多重要”等文章数次刷屏朋友圈,累计阅读破10000000。
⊙咪蒙、午歌、黄佟佟、柏邦妮、十二、林特特……鼓掌推荐!
⊙在那些无人诉说的艰难时刻,这一本就够了!
Content Description

我们情不自禁配合这个世界,来获得软弱的安全感,
却总有一个自己,一直住在心底,却告别在日复一日里。
一个人就这样被生活的洪流彻底吞没,需要多少时间?
这本书写给所有生活仿佛不上不下,找不到出口的人。
有六十多岁还能学会视频剪辑的婆婆,有爱上囚犯付出一生的姐姐,有三十多岁心思却永远在山川湖海的朋友……记录的是一些活得不那么正确的人生、一些从心所欲的生活,和它们的代价。
作者剖析那些由自己负责人生的人的生活轨迹,敲打出世界与人的种种隔膜——虚荣、底线、自我、尊严、软弱;写出那些不敢的,逃避的,向往的,终究意难平的,每个人对于生活真正的“冲动”。
在“正确”之上有一种更为重要的东西,是舒畅和真实;
只有让自我的节奏成长为一股力量,远离虚伪的生活,用一种真实的方式度过时间,才能长出支撑人生信念的骨头。
Author Description

艾小羊,毕业于武汉大学,专栏作家。用文字探索人的自我完善与情绪管理。
一个文艺生活的经营者,一生沿着兴趣做事。开咖啡馆、出书、做阅读推广,也努力在文艺与成功之间平衡生活。
她对文艺的定位是在世俗生活之外,创造一个空间,刻意与柴米油盐的生活保持某种距离。
Catalogue

Part1用自己的节奏过生活
日益更新的战争
你是否负担得起自由
不要放弃自己人生的投票权
一天用来醒来,一天用来出发
认真工作的人有尊严
若不能承受孤独,便不配拥有自由
自由即是自我
软体动物没有资格谈爱情
每一年春天,住在心里的花
Part2没有人值得你羡慕
得不到的,终成温暖
底线决定你所拥有
姑娘,你为什么不撒娇
姐姐那么美
生活没有为你安排捷径
从前的日色慢
花朵不想明日事
你为什么总对婚姻不满意
庆幸的是,我们心中都曾经住过一个黄蓉
Part3对失败的定义区分了世间大多数人
什么年龄该认输
有时候,竭尽全力只是在浪费时光
世间没有失败的爱情
从未做过傻瓜的人,不足语人生
好好活着,总有希望遇见
生活与你,两不相欠
美好人生从“饭、祷、爱”开始
前任有义务好好活着
你只是害怕与别人不一样
美好的浪费
PART4 总有人要选择其他方向
当你卑微,就能快乐
所有的如果都是苦果
多谈恋爱少结婚
想要自由,但你准备好了吗?
我眼中的完美人生
成长是一场健身运动
遇见更宽阔的自己
戒掉缺点,就戒掉你
如果一切并不如你想象那样
Part5 所谓世间,不就是你吗?
在大城市找一个人有多难
容易受骗是因为你孤独
年饭的滋味
与母亲隔着的那层稀薄空气
照片里的我们总是忘了忧伤
庆祝我们相遇36周年
结婚十年
以微米为单位接近
白露天的柿子
夏天到了,该吃西瓜
你若夸我,便是晴天
Book Abstract

不要放弃自己人生的投票权
没人愿意选择一个人生活,然而假如命运将你抛到了这样的境地,除了让自己活得好一点,你别无选择。
有时候,这个世界是不讲理的,若你要质问为什么这样的生活会落在你的头上,世界会笑嘻嘻地将全部责任推给你自己,而这些责任,将压垮你的自信。
说起叶德娴,人们似乎只记得她老年的样子,刘德华的干妈,桃姐……其实她年轻的时候,以唱歌出道,1983年已经在红馆开过嗓,罗大佑为她量身订作的歌曲《赤子》曾经红遍香港。她的大半生,走得不算顺利,值得庆幸的是,命运的凉薄并没有摧毁她心里的骄傲。
叶德娴的母亲是妾,她从小长得漂亮,能歌擅舞,却因为特殊的身份而敏感、自卑。“小时候,跟妈妈出门逛街,看到一对特别漂亮的手套,5块钱,我求妈妈给我买,妈妈坚决不肯,我就想,长大后要给自己买。现在我有很多了。”她的脸上挂着坚毅的笑容,那个因为母亲坚决不肯买一双5块钱的漂亮手套,而内心受到伤害的小姑娘,仿佛就站在不远处的街角,冷眼看着拥有无数双手套的长大后的自己。
因为在家庭中得到的温暖有限,叶德娴谋生很早,主要是在歌厅里唱爵士,歌声低沉有力,全无小女孩作态。18岁,她嫁给骑师郑康业。怀第二个孩子的时候,丈夫外遇,彼时,他们的感情已过了七年之痒,人们劝她,既然已经有两个孩子,丈夫也并未拿外面那个女人为难你,忍一时可风平浪静,她不肯。
每个女人都是怀揣梦想走进婚姻,梦想破灭往往是婚姻给我们上的第一课,继续生活在破碎的梦里,还是把梦直接扔掉?太多人选择前者,因为女人不能为自己而活,我们要顾忌家人、朋友、孩子。
叶德娴选择了为自己而活,她忍受不了在破碎的梦里继续扮演幸福的女主人,也没有耐心修复与一个不尊重自己的男人之间的关系。想必男人真的不想离婚,却又实在给不了她想要的生活,离婚大战一打就是7年。
33岁,她恢复单身,养家糊口的压力使她不得不接更多的通告,骨子里却又骄傲地不肯为任何人、任何工作低头。她拿了很多奖项,却始终没有大红大紫,有人说她怪异,有人说她孤僻,一度,她远走美国,并且交往了一个外籍男朋友,终是没有走进婚姻。这一次感情的失败使她真正看清了自己,她开始练习一个人,尝试与内心深处那个孤高的女人做朋友。
一个人吃鱼蛋粉,一个人看病,一个人乘地铁,每晚8点上床睡觉,凌晨4点起床爬山。周刊小报找不到素材时,会将镜头对准她,落寞、孤单、凄凉,无非是他们对一个不再年轻的单身女人想出的最平庸的形容词。除了出席晚会或颁奖礼,她的确总是打扮得很路人,白T恤,5分短裤,平底鞋,双肩包邋遢地挂在胸前,她不打针不开刀,无论脸蛋还是身材,都呈现她那个年龄的人应有的状态。除了购置各种漂亮手套以外,她在穿衣打扮上几乎没有开销,一件T恤穿5年,“布料越穿越软,最后可以直接拿来擦相机镜头。”
她可以花数十万元买一个天文望远镜,追着狮子座流星雨跑遍半个地球,她还打飞的去世界各地看白鲸与大白鲨,却舍不得把钱花在穿衣打扮上。即使口口声声说“女为自己容”的女人,其实精心装扮起来,也免不了是为了吸引异性的目光,或者至少也要与年龄相仿的同性一决高下,她既过了情关,也过了与人攀比这一关,“每个人所适合的东西不一样,你可以说命运如何,但我觉得我就适合现在这样的生活,我都不需要子女为我养老送终。”
叶德娴自己有四个姐妹,还有一子一女,如果愿意多花一点精力,即使没有丈夫,她也可以过上在旁人眼里热闹而幸福的家庭生活,她却就是那样怕麻烦,骄傲到不愿意为了一时的热闹而委屈迁就他人。
所谓刚烈的性格,最简单的诠释就是不肯迁就。叶德娴个人编年史中还有一件大事是退出歌坛。她以歌出道,最后转往影视,因为对香港唱片业失望,尤其厌烦做歌手本职之外的事情,她靠唱得好行走江湖,靠歌声换来生活费,若唱片公司高层要她陪酒卖笑,她宁愿回到歌厅。“不过是打一份工,没有必要那样委屈自己。”她不委屈自己,因此失去了很多在旁人看来十分重要的机会。
人生转眼入秋,她一个人,有片约的时候拍片,没有片约的时候带着内心深处那个名为“自我”的朋友,安静地呆在某处,既不迷恋奢华又不迷恋温暖,无欲则刚,她连说话都比别人硬气,当然,这样的硬气,在习惯为争名逐利而丧失自我的世界里,是怪异。
她甚至预料了自己的晚景,或许与桃姐一样,默默消失于世界某处的某个养老院,身边没有亲人。
人的一生,委屈像一枚枚硬币,情谊则是一个浑圆的“扑满”,年轻时,你积攒了多少委屈,老来就能享受多少情谊,从年轻时便不肯委屈自己的人,老来孤清亦是情理之中。
她就这样一个人走到了年老。
两个人的生活要磨合,一个人的生活要练习,两者其实并无高下之分,我们习惯于认为两个人磨得皮开肉绽胜过一个人练得闲云野鹤,因为我们都想活给别人看,在旁人眼中,作死的热闹也比平静的孤单好看,因为热闹总有办法诉说,而孤单常常难以表述。
“我活在自己的世界里,我无法按照世俗的标准去生活。”
于个体而言,世俗的标准总是充满自以为是的优越感,叶德娴不是世俗标准之下幸福的女人,却像星光,提示我们比美好与幸福更重要的是自由——每个人对自己的生活方式都有投票权。
姑娘,你为什么不撒娇
朋友向我吐槽结婚刚一年的太太,好吃懒作、无恶不作。
“当初眼瞎了,为什么娶她?”我调侃他。
“她正常的时候,还是很会撒娇的……”朋友高仓健式的脸上露出憨豆先生般的娇羞。
我心里默默说了一句“活该”,走进电影院又不小心看了一部《撒娇的女人最好命》,闺密小C说,如果张慧不是周公子演的,这部电影得看吐多少人。
女人与男人的审美从来是不同的,放眼望去,我身边剩下的都是好姑娘,而那些我觉得肯定嫁不出去的姑娘们,都早早把自己安顿成了张太太、李太太、王太太。我心目中的好姑娘,善良、正直、独立、真实,而男人喜欢的姑娘,漂亮、温柔、会撒娇、小鸟依人。漂亮,可以化妆,温柔,可以装,撒娇,可以学,小鸟依人,也可以装,看出差距了吧,女人喜欢女人身上无法伪装的那一部分,而男人喜欢的,恰恰是女人身上可以伪装的那一部分。
从理论来说,搞定一个男人,让他爱上你,其实比搞定一个女人,让她喜欢上你容易多了,实际操作中,却有那么多女孩形单影只,就是无法好好谈场恋爱,因为她们不愿意“装”,或者说好听一点,学习吸引异性的技巧,在男人眼里,她们对于爱情的诚意不够。
所谓女汉子,最显著的特色是不装,我就是自己,干嘛要装呢。可人在江湖走,哪能不挨刀,在生物学上,爱情不叫爱情,叫求偶,动物求偶时都是很“装”的,小心翼翼、投其所好,你爱强壮我就演强壮,你爱娇柔我就扮娇柔,为了基因的延续做一回演员有多大的事儿。
最终,依据本能行事,不擅于思考的女孩,最先嫁出去了,她们身上传承了更多的动物属性,目标明确,为了结婚,为了搞定一个值得搞定的男人,投其所好这事儿不在话下。男人又不复杂,他们喜欢的无非就是以上所说的那4个要点,不过这事儿放到爱思考的姑娘身上,就难了。
首先她们会发问,难道所有男人都这么浅薄吗,其次,她们还会故意跟自己过不去:这么浅薄的男人我才不要呢,于是她们在寻找一个特立独行、懂得欣赏她身上与众不同之处的男人这件事上消耗了大半的青春,剩下的一小半青春,又丢失在抱怨里。慢慢地,就成了一个拧巴的姑娘。
这个世界的残酷之处并不在于它的不可理喻,而是如果你那么喜欢跟它讲道理,它就会很拽地甩给你一个后脑勺。
会思考的女孩既把男人想得太复杂,又把爱情想得太复杂,她们甚至担心如果自己现在学会撒娇,成功地找到了另一半,结婚以后,人家发现自己是个女汉子怎么办。其实,婚姻需要女汉子,你只要不是真汉子,日子就可以过得行云流水,偶有雨雪。
谁在结婚前后不是两种样子呢?结婚前觉得他是个男子汉,结婚以后越来越觉得他是个男孩子,那些天天抱怨自己先生婚前婚后两个样的女子,日子照旧过下去了,并且还发明了一句话进行自我安慰:爱情与婚姻是两回事。
你不愿意像周公子饰演的张慧那样,为了谈场恋爱脱胎换骨,聘请大江南北撒娇天团的王后们教授自己撒娇秘方,原因有两个,一是你没有碰到心目中的恭志强,二是你没有像自己想象那样,迫切地需要恋爱与结婚,你希望世界在自己规定的方程式下运转,这跟女汉子其实已经没有关系,而是你对世界了解太浅。
对于我们是否要追逐某种思潮,惟一的判定标准在于它是否有助于你得到自己想要的生活。我们有权利选择任何事情,却没有权利因为一件事情太流行或者不流行而拒绝,更不必为了特立独行而放弃生活的捷径。
如果觉得女人撒娇就是向男权低头,就是讨好男士,这不是男女平等,而是男女对立。
革命是少数人的事,这方面,我特别崇拜李银河老师,她一方面是个战士,另外一方面却将个人生活安排得那样妥帖。
……

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Yami is committed to provide our customers with a peace of mind when purchasing from us. Most items shipped from Yamibuy.com can be returned within 30 days of receipt of shipment (For Food, Beverages, Snacks, Dry Goods, Health supplements, Fresh Grocery and Perishables Goods, within 7 days of receipt of shipment due to damages or quality issues; To ensure that every customer receives safe and high-quality products, we do not provide refunds or returns for beauty products once they have been opened or used, except in the case of quality issues; Some products may have different policies or requirements associated with them, please see below for products under special categories, or contact Yami Customer Service for further assistance).
Thank you for your understanding and support.

Learn More

Sold by Yami

Terms and Conditions of Yami E-Gift Card

If you choose “Redeem automatically” as your delivery method, your gift card balance will be reload automatically after your order has been processed successfully;

If you choose “Send to Email”as your delivery method, the card number and CVV will be sent to the email address automatically;

Any user can use the card number and CVV to redeem the gift card, please keep your gift card information safely. If you have any trouble receiving email, please contact Yami customer service;

Yami gift card can be used to purchase both Yami owned or Marketplace products;

Yami gift card will never expire;

Yami gift card balance does not have to be used up at once;

All rights reserved by Yami.

Return Policy

Gift card that has already been consumed is non-refundable.

Sold by JD@CHINA

Service Guarantee

Yami Free Shipping over $49
Yami Easy Returns
Yami Ships from United States

Shipping

  • United States

    Standard Shipping is $5.99 (Excluding Alaska & Hawaii). Free on orders of $49 or more.

    Local Express is $5.99 (Available in Parts of CA, NJ, MA & PA). Free on orders of $49 or more.

    2-Day Express (Includes Alaska & Hawaii) starts at $19.99.

Return Policy

You may return product within 30 days upon receiving the product. Items returned must be new in it's original packing, including the original invoice for the purchase. Customer return product at their own expense.

Sold by JD@CHINA

Service Guarantee

Yami Cross-store Free Shipping over $69
Yami 30-days Return

Yami-China FC

Yami has a consolidation warehouse in China which collects multiple sellers’ packages and combines to one order. Our Yami consolidation warehouse will directly ship the packages to your door. Cross-store free shipping over $69.

Return Policy

You may return products within 30 days upon receiving the products. Sellers take responsibilities for any wrong shipment or missing items. Packing needs to be unopened for any other than quality issues return. We promise to pack carefully, but because goods are taking long journey to destinations, simple damages to packaging may occur. Any damages not causing internal goods quality problems are not allowed to return. If you open the package and any quality problem is found, please contact customer service within three days after receipt of goods.

Shipping Information

Yami Consolidation Service Shipping Fee $9.99(Free shipping over $69)

Sellers in China will ship their orders within 1-2 business days once the order is placed. Packages are sent to our consolidation warehouse in China and combined there. Our Yami consolidation warehouse will directly ship the packages to you via UPS. The average time for UPS to ship from China to the United States is about 10 working days and it can be traced using the tracking number. Due to the pandemic, the delivery time may be delayed by about 5 days. The package needs to be signed by the guest. If the receipt is not signed, the customer shall bear the risk of loss of the package.

Sold by JD@CHINA

Service Guarantee

Free shipping over 69
Genuine guarantee

Shipping

Yami Consolidated Shipping $9.99(Free shipping over $69)


Seller will ship the orders within 1-2 business days. The logistics time limit is expected to be 7-15 working days. In case of customs clearance, the delivery time will be extended by 3-7 days. The final receipt date is subject to the information of the postal company.

Yami Points information

All items are excluding from any promotion or points events on Yamibuy.com

Return Policy

You may return product within 30 days upon receiving the product. Items returned must be new in it's original packing, including the original invoice for the purchase. Customer return product at their own expense.

Yami

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Jingdong book

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Jingdong book