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Jingdong book

女人不怯场的智慧

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女人不怯场的智慧

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女人不怯场,才有大气场;现代女性的丛林法则——就是要强大
★女人应该趁早明白的智慧生存交际法则,内含智慧生存实战技巧。
★女人不好意思拒绝,别人就会伤害你;女人不好意思要求,别人就会无视你。
★女人就要狠一点——
对自己“狠”,强大自己的内心,拒绝自己的懦弱和自卑。
对别人“狠”,争取自己的合理利益,得到自己想要的一切。
从现在开始自我修炼——
要学会灵活地在任何场合拒绝你不想做的事。
要懂得运用技巧来巧妙表达你的要求。
要不断练习,不断总结,不断提升,来让自己拥有高效的交际手法。
Content Description

在生活、工作中,一些女性朋友不太擅长处理自己与他人的关系,导致总是会犯这样的错误,明明不想听某人说话,却不好意思离开,明明不愿意答应别人的请求却不好意思拒绝,勉为其难地同意了。遭受这种困境的女性朋友不在少数,如果不知道处理这种问题的方法,而是一味地退让,把不满和委屈憋在心里,长此以往,就会损害女性朋友生活的品质。
《女人不怯场的智慧》即是针对这样的困境,为女性朋友支招,指导其如何积极应对此种问题,如何化解尴尬,帮助女性读者摆脱总是不好意思的窘况,拥有不怯场的智慧。
Author Description

李秀娟,编辑,撰稿人,对心理学有浓厚兴趣,多年研究心理学理论和现象,对人类心理现象和行为有深入、独特的研究和认知。著有多部心理学作品,如《瞬间看透身边人》等。
Catalogue

前言
第一章为什么明明心里在拒绝,嘴上却答应了
002“不好意思”,是因为内心不强大,到哪儿都处于弱势
008爱当好人:别误认为想要好人缘就得当个烂好人
013爱面子:女人爱面子,吃亏麻烦一箩筐
019羞怯心理:脸皮薄,好男人一个也找不着
025虚荣心:别被客套的肯定和夸赞蒙了眼
031孤僻症:25岁以后的女人没本钱做“孤岛”
036 吃亏当福:经常用各种借口安慰、麻痹自己,会让“弱势”成为习惯
第二章“不好意思”,女人将失去机遇、金钱和伴侣
042从不会说“不”到不敢说“不”
047总是违背内心,那你的生活多无趣
052每一次“不好意思”背后都隐藏着一场战争
057接受了小请求,慢慢就会接受大请求
063每个女人都是一坛美酒,“不好意思”是泼向美酒的污水
069该你的利益,你为什么不去争取
074碰见好男人,别“不好意思”示好
079手里没有金刚钻,只会搞砸瓷器活儿
第三章女人要行事果决,拒绝犹犹豫豫的“不好意思”
086强势干练的女人,会将拒绝当家常便饭
092成功的女人心里只有目标,没有“好不好意思”
097会低头的女人更美丽
102“女汉子”的修炼法则
108在你没成就之前,先别强调自尊
第四章职场上不会说“不”,不是累死就是气死
116工作之外还有生活,无休止的加班要拒绝
122对客户不能无限包容,坚决回绝过分要求
128有些事要做到零容忍:拒绝上司以权谋色
134你没那么多时间浪费给别人,无聊的聚会果断摒弃
140你不是“办公室笑话书”,不要让别人随便拿你开玩笑
146你不是参天大树,没义务给别人提供阴凉
151办公室里的流言蜚语须远离
第五章社交中的女人要优雅,但不要软弱
158你不是万能的魔术师,对朋友不能有求必应
163还没听够那些无休止的抱怨吗?拒当他人的“情绪垃圾桶”
169“太虚真人”、假“土豪”,请走开!拒绝“假大虚空”的朋友
175朋友借钱不还,你不好意思要就得干吃哑巴亏
第六章“不好意思”是感情生活中的慢性杀手
182爱情不能勉强更不能违心,就算对方再软磨硬泡也不能“就范”
187真爱从来都是坚定不移的,把摇摆不定的男人一脚踢开
193性不是情感创可贴,别妄想靠它来维持感情
198家庭需要两个人共同建设,拒绝一个人包干洗扫拖等家务事
204婚姻中也需保留点儿个人空间,不要容忍被各种方式变相“监控”
209家暴必须反抗,拒绝忍气吞声
第七章学点儿交际技巧,女人才更圆熟
216交际有技巧,用得好的女人爬得高
222求人办事遇挫折,不可意气拂袖去
228打别人一巴掌,别忘了再给一颗糖吃
234手上有礼,走遍天下都不怕

Book Abstract

爱当好人:别误认为想要好人缘就得当个烂好人
无论你是多好的好人,总有一半人讨厌你
几乎每家公司里,都有一位公认的“烂好人”——他不好意思对一切事情说不。他极具牺牲精神,但这精神并不适合随时随地拿来用。
通常来说,“烂好人”之所以成为“烂好人”有两种原因:一种是心软,心眼儿好;一种是为博取好人缘而故意讨好别人。我们在社交生活中所遇到的“烂好人”,通常是集这两个因素于一身的。
小羊是公司的网站编辑,大学毕业3年了。大概是看了一些混社会混职场的书,喜欢在人际关系上玩弄一些“小花招”,但这些“小花招”使得过于生硬,在社会和职场的汪洋深海中,还显得过于稚嫩。
小羊最爱干的一件事就是拉拢人脉。可惜她用错了方法,结果南辕北辙。
职场上不成文的规矩是,在大公司有人脉才有空间,有人脉才有小道消息,才有“贵人相助”。知道老板、总监们跟谁关系好,这就是有价值的消息,这当然需要人脉来传播。
所以,当同事们看到小羊时,她总是一副热情亲切、笑容满面的模样,说话、处世也极其客气、礼貌。一起乘电梯,电梯开门时,她必定是礼让再三,最后一个出电梯门;如果工作期间别人找她帮什么忙,她一定宁愿放下自己手中的活儿也要先帮别人;在办公室里,她试图讨好每一个人,为每一个人服务。办公室的同事经常说,她才是真正的人民公仆。而用她自己的话说,她是那种走路遇到虫子,也会小心翼翼地躲开的人。暂且不去考证小羊此话的真假,但她的口碑在公司里形成了。小羊是个好人,大家都这么说。而小羊也为维护自己的这一形象不遗余力地付出。
让我们看看接下来会发生什么吧!
一天下班后,我把她喊到办公室,她保持着一贯的满面春风的热情形象,说实话,在这种热情的冲击下,有时候真的让人不忍心去责怪她什么。但我还是要告诉她一些事实:首先是这三个月的工作业绩,尽管完成了一些文章的上传、商品描述文案等表面工作,但是公司产品的点击转化率非常低,平均100次点击才有一次购买,比半年前下降了20%,这个下降幅度是惊人的。在产品质量和市场供求都比之前更好的情况下,这说明她的工作出现了很大的失误。其次,我告诉她,根据这一份成绩单她需要付出的代价——扣除20%的工资。最后我告诉她,她应该将心思更多地放在如何做好工作上,而不是其他方面。
可能我这句话让她产生了误会,我本意是希望她能更多地去思考如何工作,而非如何讨好人、拉人脉。但她却以为我是指责她近期频繁网购、聊天,进而她猜测可能有办公室同事向我告密。然后她泪眼汪汪地向我哭诉,她是冤枉的,并不像某些人说得那样。她说自己一向为人很友好,不知道为什么有人要在背后搞鬼。事实上确实有人向我告密,但为了保持办公室的单纯关系,我并不想公开这个人。于是我告诉她我最后一句话的本意,并希望她能正确理解。听完她还是不太相信,眼里散发着恼恨和怨愤,还有着一丝 “想不通”的神情。这是一个“烂好人”常见的心理反应,在他们极端友善的那一面未得到回报时,他们的心理会短暂地走向另一个代表着仇恨的端口。
我想是时候要让她明白一些事情了。
“不是每一次善意,都能得到所有人的理解,也不是每一个好人,都会得到社会的尊重。当好人没错,但社会首先尊重的是一个强者。强者本身是发光体,会吸引很多人主动靠拢。弱者才需要靠拉拢关系获得人缘。
“人与人的相处,并不是都像一块块裁好的大理石,可以随时拿来,无缝连接。每个人都是没有经过打磨和加工的大理石,还都保持着各自的棱角和温度。无论你多光滑,都很难和其他任何一块大理石完美地拼凑在一起,形成融洽的关系。
“我想让你明白,无论你有多好,在一个群体里,都至少有一半人在暗中讨厌你。这些人无时无刻不在盯着你犯错,等着看你的笑话。除非你是那种完全无法给别人造成压力的人。
“别当一个盲目的烂好人,那不会让你达成你的目的。要知道,每个人在人格上都是平等的,你也是一个有价值的人,甚至你的价值更重一些。为什么不注重自己的选择和利益,而要牺牲这些去成全别人呢?”
……
“烂好人”的恶果
从九型人格上讲,“烂好人”通常属于第二种人格——助人型人格,又被称为协助者、古道热肠者等。
其性格特征中健康的一面是,善良、亲切,对他人充满情感,容易接近,总能设身处地地为他人着想,照顾他人的需要。对他们而言,帮助别人是非常重要的,善待他人一次,内心就能获得一次小小的满足;他们对自己有时候很抠门,但对别人很大方,愿意给别人提供劳力和物力上的支援,有时甚至不要求回报。友善、无私是他们最显著的标签。慈悲为怀、同情心泛滥是他们的内在品质。
这一性格特征中不健康的一面是:他们为别人着想得过多,凡事迁就别人,从而忽视了自己的利益;他们常常宁愿麻烦自己,也不想麻烦别人;他们宁愿委屈自己,屈从局面,也不愿站出来大吼一声;从他们开始讨好别人的那一刻起,他们在人际交往中就已经处于下风。
事实上,人际交往是需要平衡的。一味付出,却不好意思索要回报的话,自己的心理渐渐就会失衡。就像前文的小羊,当自己的友善没有得到同等对待时,反而激起了心中更大的仇恨。这种负面情绪经常存储在身体内是十分致命的。得不到回报反受打击后,“烂好人”通常会有很强的挫折感,他们会试图拒绝别人的请求,但这一行为与他们一贯坚持的价值观又发生矛盾,他们便会陷入自责、内疚、迷茫中。可能出现的结果是,他们会封锁自己的心灵,不愿再去付出,渐渐缩小交际圈子,不愿与更多人接触。想求得好人缘的初衷,最后竟然沦落到要封闭自我的心灵。
坚持原则性,改变“烂好人”形象
“烂好人”容易走两个极端,要么是只靠感性思维处世,看问题只看表象不看实质,同情心有余而正义感不足;要么是只靠理性思维处世,只看实质而无视表象,正义感有余而同情心不足。
这两个极端的背后凸显的是,“烂好人”缺少原则性。他没有为任何事情设定界限,对自我的认识也比较模糊,他的自信心全靠他人的“同意”和 “称赞”来维持,一旦失去这些,他就变得自卑困顿了。
如何给“烂好人”增加原则性呢?
1.首先要做一次过往的人生回放,找出那些自己做过的没有底线的事。
2.每天选一件上述有代表性的事,将事情发展的全过程简练地记在本子上。
3.在过程中观察,在你认为应该拒绝或是影响到你利益的那一处细节,用红笔画一条明显的标记。这条线,就代表着你神圣不可侵犯的底线。
4.坚持三个月,看看你本子上画过的线是适中,还是越来越高。假如长期保持在适中的范围内,说明你正在变成一个有原则的人,需要继续进步并监督自己养成习惯;假如越来越高的话,说明你正在走向另外的极端,矫枉过正同样是对你不利的,你需要端正自己对此的态度,并重新审视自己的价值观。或许你长期坚持的价值观,在某个环节存在着一些不合时宜之处。
需要再次重申的是,当一个好人,并不是一种坏的价值取向。好人有好报在某种层面上是很有道理的。但正如大家都知道的,过犹不及,凡事要把握好度。当你成为一个“烂好人”时,明显已经超出了你在为人处世时需要保持的那个“度”,你的私人空间、私人利益长期受损的话,你的心理早晚会失衡,这种心理失衡带来的负面情绪和结果,才是最令人难以防范且不易挽救的。
同时,在职场和社交中,我们也要警惕一些带着面具的“烂好人”。他们是真正的伪善人群,装出好人的样子来蒙骗群众,只在利益得失最关键的时候才会显示出“狐狸尾巴”,他们之所以愿意假冒“烂好人”,完全是在细致精密地计算利益后得出的理性结果。这样的人更加可恨,也更需提防。
……
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Sellers in China will ship their orders within 1-2 business days once the order is placed. Packages are sent to our consolidation warehouse in China and combined there. Our Yami consolidation warehouse will directly ship the packages to you via UPS. The average time for UPS to ship from China to the United States is about 10 working days and it can be traced using the tracking number. Due to the pandemic, the delivery time may be delayed by about 5 days. The package needs to be signed by the guest. If the receipt is not signed, the customer shall bear the risk of loss of the package.

Sold by JD@CHINA

Service Guarantee

Free shipping over 69
Genuine guarantee

Shipping

Yami Consolidated Shipping $9.99(Free shipping over $69)


Seller will ship the orders within 1-2 business days. The logistics time limit is expected to be 7-15 working days. In case of customs clearance, the delivery time will be extended by 3-7 days. The final receipt date is subject to the information of the postal company.

Yami Points information

All items are excluding from any promotion or points events on Yamibuy.com

Return Policy

You may return product within 30 days upon receiving the product. Items returned must be new in it's original packing, including the original invoice for the purchase. Customer return product at their own expense.

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About the brand

Jingdong book

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About the brand

Jingdong book