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Jingdong book

爸妈的说话课

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Jingdong book

爸妈的说话课

Name: 爸妈的说话课
Brand: Jingdong book
SKU: 3113012491
Price: 25.53 USD
Availability: OutOfStock

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Content Description

他们是善良的小天使，也是天生的熊孩子，他们充满奇思妙想，也经常任性懒惰。面对孩子的各种状况，充满爱的爸妈总能体验到“词穷”的尴尬。爸妈的话语有时会不经意伤害了孩子的自尊心，有时又会被孩子的小诡计利用，有时充满耐心，有时火冒三丈。
《爸妈的说话课》作者奇克·穆尔曼针对各种情形，列举出近100个爸妈说话句子，每个句子都蕴含一种心态，改善一种行为，教你做高情商爸妈，培养身心健康的孩子。
《爸妈的说话课》汇集了奇克·穆尔曼育儿培训课程的精华，内容生动而又实用，从不同方面增强父母与孩子沟通的技巧。父母可有选择地使用有助于孩子成长的话语，保护孩子的自尊心与责任感，有效应对孩子任性、拖拉等缺点。从而提高孩子的自我效能感，教会孩子独立思考，巩固家庭的亲密关系。

Author Description

奇克·穆尔曼，美国知名亲子教养专家、家长教育和儿童教育领域资深专家。目前担任美国个人能力学会会长，具有丰富的儿童教育经验。迄今为止，已经辅导了超过300 000位家长和教育工作者，进行了超过2 000场关于培养和教育有责任心的孩子的演讲，在教育领域有超过35年的经验。其他著作有《给自己讲道理：个人力量的语言》《灵魂语者：滋养孩子灵魂的老师》《心在何方：家和家庭的故事》《有责任心的育儿语言》，等等。

Catalogue

第一章选择
“你的鸡蛋要煎的还是炒的？”
“选择，决定，挑选。”
“你总是比你认为的有更多选择。”
“请做一个不同的选择。”
“请做一个决定。”
“你决定。”
“别轻言放弃。”

第二章责任心
“就好像……一样开始行动。”
“你是一辆轿车。”
“自己检查下。”
“问问你的内心。”
“你的目标是什么？”
“在你心中构图。”
“很快我就会离开。”
“你认为是什么原因呢？”
“我愿意支付其中一部分。”
“不。”
“你真有毅力。”
“有决心。”
“你总是/从不……”
“这很容易。”
“这会很难。”
“这不可能。”

第三章探索解决方法
“听起来你遇到了麻烦。”
“我知道你能解决。”
“每个问题都有一个解决方法。”
“我想请你帮忙解决我的问题。”
“我们遇到一个问题，谁愿意提供帮助？”

第四章习得性无助
“来，让我来做。”
“你真幸运。”
“一、二、三……”
“你又来了。”
“这是我第五次跟你说这件事。”
“这不是一个好借口。”
“小心，要不会洒了。”

第五章表扬、批评和自尊
“你做得好。”
“这几行的单词你都写对了。”
“我很感激你的努力。谢谢。”
“那很糟糕。”
“下次，……”

第六章最糟糕的爸妈用语
“如果你不站起来，我就把你留在这儿。”
“为什么你不能像你的姐姐那样？”
“我只是开玩笑。”
“做你这个年龄该做的。”
“我刚才告诉你什么来着？”
“我们从来没有想过你。”

第七章亲密
“我爱你。”
“莎莉，查理，罗伯特，玛丽，海伦，佩德，山姆，威廉，梅根，珍妮弗，查理斯，厄尼，丹尼尔，安东尼，哈利，南希”
“我注意到……”
“不同的人有不同的需要。”
“一步步来。”
“我们中的一些人……”
“对不起。”
“互相温柔地触摸。”

第八章感觉
“听起来你好像感到很沮丧。”
“没什么可感到懊恼的。”
“我理解你的感受。”
“用这个枕头给我看看你是怎么感觉的。”
“不要这样跟我说话。”
“如果我是你……”
“说你很抱歉。”

第九章冲突升级
“因为我这么说，这就是为什么。”
“好，谁干的？”
“告诉我你属于哪边。”
“你赢了吗？”
“你为什么这么做？”
“我告诉过你。”

第十章降低冲突
“我看到地板上有衣服。”
“我不喜欢我刚才听到的。如果你很生气，请换种方式告诉我。”
“我们怎么换个角度看待这个呢？”
“我受够了看到你这么做。”
“怎么做才能让双方都满意？”
“不是吗？”
“你或许是对的。”
“停止吹牛。”
“你们是真的在打架，还是闹着玩的？”
“你真正想要告诉她的是什么？”
“看看吧。”
“我要没耐心了。”
“我不想再听你告状。”

第十一章其他和结语
“我为你骄傲。”
“查德，你的衣服在地板上，我很生气。它应该在壁橱的挂钩上。”
“路易斯，你挂衣服时，请把壁橱的靴子放直了。”
“你的房间打扫干净后，我将带你去商场。”
“你将做什么？”
“我爱你，但我不喜欢那种行为。”
“我真的很惊讶。”
“现在是家庭作业时间。”
“我想我要开始工作了，一个快速的开始有助于激励我坚持做下去。”
“你想成为谁？”
“我爱你。”

Book Abstract

杰克嚼食物时喜欢发出“哼哼”的声音。妈妈对这个行为感到很生气，这弄糟了她的晚餐。她已经和他说过好几次了，但没有任何改观。她准备晚饭后和他单独谈话，讨论这个问题。
玛丽早上去上学时，天很冷，因此她穿了一件外套。回家时天很热，她把衣服落在学校了。现在她已经落了两件外套、两件毛衣和两件运动衫在学校。妈妈打算睡觉前开一个特别会议，尝试找到解决办法。
爸爸给佩德罗和弟弟进行入睡前读书时，佩德罗非常喜欢这个躺在上铺的睡前仪式。他非常喜欢这些故事，因此常常会在爸爸停顿时脱口说出自己的观点。爸爸决定进行一个私人谈话来说说这件事。
这些爸妈有很多共同的问题：他们都被孩子的某个行为干扰了平静的内心，他们都疲于解决这些问题，他们都安排了一个私人会议。每个爸妈都用了我最喜欢的“我想要你帮忙解决我的问题”来开始这个会议。
以上每个例子，都会召开一对一的问题解决会议。孩子将面对他们的行为，并被邀请帮助爸妈找到解决方法。这个方法成功的关键是，爸妈要相信，不是孩子，而是爸妈自己遇到问题了。
如果吃饭时哼哼打搅了杰克的妈妈，那是大人有问题。如果玛丽的妈妈因为女儿把衣服落在学校而自己产生压力，是妈妈有问题。如果佩德罗的爸爸因为佩德罗插话感到生气，这也是爸爸有问题。
上面引用的例子，有些大人认为是孩子有问题。毕竟，他们有理由认为，是孩子哼哼、把衣服落学校、打断故事，是孩子行为不当。
然而，从另一个视角来看，哼哼对孩子来说不是一个问题，只是刺激了妈妈。打断读书没有打搅佩德罗，而是打搅了他爸爸。
显然，在每个例子中，孩子行为的改变都会使爸妈和孩子共同受益，但的确这是爸妈有问题。
如果大人召开一个问题解决会议，认定是孩子有问题，自然他们的言行都表示：孩子是错的。即使话语和态度很小心、很温和，孩子也很难逃避被责怪的感觉。他们共同的反应，则是防卫和抵制。当孩子感到被压迫，他们会反压回来。这样他们不会认真地倾听问题本身，帮助一起找到解决方法。这种“是你有问题的姿态”就失败了。
如果大人用“我想请你帮忙解决我的问题”的方法和孩子沟通，孩子感到他们是被邀请来解决问题的，他们是受到尊重的，就会鼓励他们合作、一起解决问题。这样，孩子更有可能去理解大人的问题，而不是把爸妈看做是对手。
当你邀请孩子帮你解决你的问题，你是鼓励他们加入到你的队伍中来，帮忙寻找解决你的问题的方法。你请他们对问题做些个人投资，从而会大大提高问题得到顺利解决、形成可行解决方法的机会。
上面例子中的三位家长都知道他们有问题，并邀请孩子帮助他们解决这些问题。杰克和妈妈达成一致：杰克一个人吃饭或者在家里吃饭时可以哼哼。佩德罗和爸爸创建了一个特别的手势，爸爸用这个手势提醒佩德罗在说话之前需要等一等。用这种尊重、细心的方式和他认真地谈话，从而把佩德罗的注意力集中在问题上，他的行为也有了显著改变。玛丽和妈妈同意：可以在星期五之前将外套和毛衣放在抽屉里，星期五她需要把所有衣服拿回家。
……

Introduction

话语的选择和沟通方式，对孩子建立自尊心、拥有健康的情绪和自我力量都至关重要。大人的话语与小孩的行为方式和态度有着密切联系，会影响孩子的感知、认知、信仰、价值观以及对生命的认识，进而影响他们的行为及其结果。仔细选择和运用有助于建立自尊心和鼓励自我担当的词句，爸妈能帮助孩子变得更有能力、更具关怀心。这就是《爸妈的说话课》这本书所要涉及的，这是一本以技巧为基础的课程。本书将教你一系列的口语技巧和话语类型，帮助你培养有责任心、懂礼貌的孩子，同时减轻你的压力、负担，降低家庭冲突。
我们经常使用各种话语，而不考虑它们的影响。我们习惯性地重复着某些话语，或说以前我们爸妈对我们说的话。我希望《爸妈的说话课》能帮助你更加关注你的措辞——你能意识到，你在使用表扬、鼓励、鼓舞的词语或是责骂、羞辱、批评的词语时，它们所发挥的力量。

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Jingdong book

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