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Jingdong book

毁掉孩子的话 成就孩子的话

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只有不会教的家长,没有教不好的孩子!
孩子的所有问题,都与家长的说话方式密切相关!

如何与孩子有效沟通,是每个家庭、每位家长都关心的问题。与孩子沟通的方式不仅会直接影响他们的性格养成、人格塑造,甚至还会影响他们的心理健康。
本书根据韩国知名教育专家多年的研究和实践,遴选出70句父母最不应该对孩子说的话,以及50句父母最应该说的话,并通过一些具体对话再现生活中时常发生的场景,最后由专家进行专业解读和指导。
它会告诉父母,孩子不断地发问时、孩子屡教不改时、孩子遇到挫折时、孩子学习成绩不理想时、孩子做出成绩时、与孩子发生争执时……什么话应该说,什么话一定不能说,怎么沟通才能圆满地解决
问题,并且不会对孩子产生不良影响。
这是一本教会父母说话的书,也是一本关乎孩子命运的书。相信父母在读过之后会恍然大悟,明白自己以往哪里做得还不好,哪里做得还可以,然后有针对性地予以改进,从而在培养孩子的过程中取得事半功倍的效果,让孩子健康、快乐地成长。


Content Description

如何与孩子进行有效沟通,是每个家庭、每位家长都关心的问题。本书从正反两方面给家长介绍了如何掌握科学的沟通技巧。其中,第一部分从可能会影响孩子人格健全、阻碍孩子情感表达等方面总结了70句给孩子带来消极影响的话;第二部分从树立孩子的自尊心、鼓励孩子的进取心等方面总结出50句给孩子带来积极影响的话。
Author Description

郑允京,著名儿童心理学专家,美国芝加哥大学发展心理学博士。着重于研究幼儿期的认知和情绪发展,以及与此相关的父母特性及育儿行为。现任韩国天主教大学心理系教授,教学和研究并行。多次受邀参加教育类节目,曾在纪录片《学校那些事儿》之“称赞的副作用”一期中爆出许多关于赞美的误解和真相,给父母们带来极大的震撼,后结集成册,名为《毁掉孩子的危险赞美》。此外,还著有《儿童思考的发展史》《人生发展》《自闭症的真相与误解》《发展精神病理》等。

金允静,
知名畅销书作者,一个孩子的妈妈,身兼数职,是这个时代具有代表性的全能型妈妈。为了孩子,一边工作一边接触并阅读各种育儿、家教类书籍,并保证每周两三本的阅读量。曾策划、出版多本家教类畅销书,是畅销书《毁掉孩子的危险赞美》的共同作者。现在也在为打造更多让孩子更幸福、让家长更有成就感的家教书而奋斗。
Comments

我们可以批评孩子,但一定要选择合适的方式批评,以保护孩子自尊心、树立自信心、培养他们某种能力为目的。凡对孩子自尊心、自信心和能力建设有损害的批评方式都是不好的,都是家长要彻底戒除掉的。
——尹建莉 畅销书《好妈妈胜过好老师》作者

当父母学会如何用语言向孩子表达对他们发自内心的理解与接受时,往往父母就掌握了一项非常有用的工具,可以产生令人惊讶的效果。
——刘卫华 畅销书《哈佛女孩刘亦婷》作者
Catalogue

PART1 毁掉孩子的70句话——父母这样说,孩子最受伤

chapter 01 无视孩子人格的话
01 你怎么这么傻
02 我要是你就不这样做
03 我倒要看看你能做多好
04 你连这个都不懂
05 你问这个干什么
06 你就不觉得羞愧吗
07 幸亏你爸没看见
08 小小年纪,你懂什么
09 我家孩子就是长得有点丑

chapter 02 阻碍孩子真实情感表达的话
10 儿子乖,听妈妈的话
11 你就忍让一下,让她玩一会儿吧
12 你是故意惹我生气的吧
13 男孩子得学会忍让
14 你再哭妈妈就离家出走
15 就这么点小事,值得生气吗
16 你怎么偏偏就喜欢这样的呢
17 别净说些没用的
18 你再这样我饶不了你
19 你怎么能说讨厌妈妈呢
20 不许顶嘴

chapter 03 否定孩子自我意识的话
21 你肯定有多动症
22 你这点都随你爸
23 你总是这样
24 我现在真是放弃你了
25 我就知道会这样
26 不听妈妈的话就是坏孩子
27 你怎么这么固执
28 妈妈真是受够你了
29 你是故意这样做的吧

chapter 04 挫伤孩子积极性的话
30 就按我说的做
31 我得趁机整整你的坏毛病
32 都跟你说过上百遍了
33 怎么你就做不到呢
34 你怎么这么磨蹭
35 你这个年纪可以做这件事了
36 不重要的作业随便做做就行
37 你怎么这么挑剔啊
38 跟这样的老师能学到什么

chapter 05 加重孩子心理负担的话
39 你得了满分,妈妈以你为荣
40 我这都是为了你好
41 你自己看着办吧
42 妈妈全指望你了
43 为了你我牺牲了很多
44 你就不能理解一下父母吗
45 这个很简单的,你试试看
46 你哥从不这样,你怎么回事啊
47 其他孩子都得了多少分
48 上次做得很好,这次怎么回事
49 你把我累死算了
50 爸爸妈妈吵架都是因为你
51 你要是真爱妈妈,就不要那样做

chapter 06 无法触碰孩子心灵的话
52 你真棒,真聪明
53 不是很严重啊
54 快去学习
55 看看谁能赢
56 别玩了,快回家
57 为什么?为什么?为什么?
58 你又干蠢事
59 酷在哪儿了
60 你怎么能用吃东西来解压呢

chapter 07 打消孩子奋斗激情的话
61 我家孩子真聪明
62 你实现了妈妈的愿望
63 来,妈妈帮你弄
64 累的话不写作业也行
65 做不了就早点放弃
66 别人该怎么看你啊
67 考得好就送你礼物
68 这是我家宝宝……
69 你运气真好
70 你怎么一点长进都没有啊

特别提示:对不同的孩子讲不同的话——禁语篇


PART 02 成就孩子的50句话——父母这样说,孩子更优秀

chapter 01 培养孩子自尊心的话
01 你能做到的
02 先看你的吧
03 下次你能做得更好
04 你帮了妈妈大忙
05 有你我感到很幸福
06 我爱你
07 你一定很生气吧
08 人不可能一口吃个胖子
09 你一定为这事困扰很久了吧
10 一时的成败并不能代表一切

chapter 02 培养孩子进取心的话
11 这个想法真不错
12 重要的是你学到了什么
13 要不要试一下
14 需要妈妈怎么帮你
15 要有一颗平常心
16 你长大后想做什么
17 挑战也是有风险的
18 你选的这个颜色很好
19 它本来就很难
20 还有没有别的办法

chapter 03 提升孩子情绪掌控能力的话
21 你看起来心情不好,怎么回事
22 事情进展得不顺利,你很担心吧
23 你打妹妹时心里也不好受吧
24 我会一直陪在你身边
25 心情不好就发泄一下吧
26 任何事情都有好有坏
27 尽情畅想一番吧
28 我理解你现在的心情
29 妈妈也有过类似的经历
30 我知道你喜欢这个
31 我想知道你心里在想什么

chapter 04 培养孩子同理心的话
32 孩子,对不起
33 今天过得怎么样
34 咱们一起做游戏吧
35 哆啦A 梦很可爱吧
36 让我们都冷静地想一想
37 你应该换种方式说话
38 你这样让妈妈很生气
39 谢谢你能为妈妈着想
40 真希望和你一起为梦想奋斗
41 我知道你不想做这件事
42 谢谢你对妈妈说实话

chapter 05 提高孩子社会交往能力的话
43 任何问题都有解决办法
44 你看这个办法怎么样
45 自己的事情自己做
46 这件事你怎么看
47 钱不够的话我给你补点
48 每个人都有自己的特点
49 情况特殊,就破一次例吧
50 先把这件事做完再说

特别提示:对不同的孩子讲不同的话——必说篇
附 录:父母对孩子的照顾反应类型(测试及对策)
Introduction

不经意间你就伤害了孩子

策划此书的时候,我们曾向很多孩子做过调查。当时我们问到这样一个问题:“爸爸妈妈对你说过的话中,你最不喜欢听的是哪句?”大部分孩子都回答道:“让我赶紧去学习,不准我看电视。”
这个答案出乎我的意料。我本以为,孩子们会直言不讳地说出刺痛过自己内心的话,结果,孩子们的答案却是简单得近乎单调。问题出在哪里呢?
那就是不敢。他们不敢说出真正让自己内心受伤的话,或者是,在潜意识里不想去触碰那些可怕的记忆。比如“你若不听话妈妈就离家出走”等话语,如果是站在孩子们的立场上,他们是绝对不想听到第二次的。可以想象的是,当听到这些带有威胁性的话语时,孩子们的内心会受到多大的伤害!那些受伤的记忆想起来都让人战栗,更别提再亲口说一次了。所以,他们都选择了最安全、也最普通的回答。

言语的重要性,即便是强调数十遍、数百遍都不为过。不只是学校和职场这样的社会组织中,在父母与子女两代之间,夫妻之间,恋人之间,只需一句话,你们的关系就能更加稳固,或者瞬间坍塌。
尤其是养育孩子的父母更应该知道语言的重要性。在孩子们眼中,父母的话比世界上其他的任何东西都更有力,那是孩子一生中最珍贵的指南针。在茫茫大海中航行的船,只有依靠指南针才能找准方向,在人生的未知之路上,孩子们也要靠着父母的激励、称赞和忠告之针找到自己的方向。
《毁掉孩子的话 成就孩子的话》中“毁掉孩子的话”和“成就孩子的话”会按顺序登场。你可以趁机考虑一下,听到这些话的孩子们,内心会产生怎样的反应,会导致怎样的结果。如果你是借着教育孩子的名头口出恶言、经常批判孩子的父母,那么从“毁掉孩子的话”中你能切身体会到自己是如何残忍地伤害了孩子的。请珍惜吧,这是一个很好的自我反省的机会!如果你是平时爱惜言语、更注重用内心关爱孩子的父母,那么从“成就孩子的话”中,你会发现,自己认为太理所当然以至于懒得开口的话,变换成语言表达出来后会给孩子带来多么积极的效果。
当然,你也没有必要背负太大的罪责感。父母也是人,在孩子提出无理要求时、执拗得人神共愤时、浑身缺乏朝气毫无奋斗的热情时,一时按捺不住说出过火的话也是人之常情。你不需要徒劳地给自己定罪,声讨自己“我不是个好妈妈”“我还差得远”。我们策划此书的目的不是为了让你怀疑自己为人父母的资格,而是希望你能够借此契机,好好反省一下自己的过往,“啊,我原来并不知道这些,我这儿做得还不够好,那儿倒做得还可以”,从此以后,你能够有意识地控制自己的言语,避免给孩子带来不必要的伤害。

在父母与孩子的对话世界里,原本就没有所谓的正确答案。你无法像分清黑和白一样,说这个必须做,那个绝对不能犯。唯一的真理是,在合适的状况下,说出最合适的话。所以当你与孩子交往不顺利时,就翻翻这本书吧。也许,你可以从中发现适合你的情景,意识到自己说了哪些不合适的话,并尝试改变和突破自我,为甜蜜却辛苦的育儿生活增加一点勇气和乐趣。

郑允京 金允静

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周销量 600+

$1.66 $1.99 83折
Yami
欣葉
2种选择
欣叶 御大福 芋头麻薯 180g

周销量 600+

$1.66 $1.99 83折

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