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Jingdong book

毕家妈妈育儿经:跟着直觉做妈妈

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毕家妈妈育儿经:跟着直觉做妈妈

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不要迷信书本和理论 相信你自己作为母亲的常识和直觉 做个自信的母亲 你的独立思考和勇气是保护孩子最好的武器 《跟着直觉做妈妈》精彩选摘:做一个自信的母亲。顺应孩子的天性,跟随你作为母亲的直觉来养育孩子。温柔而不是残酷地对待我们的孩子,不要伤害他,哪怕足以为孩子好的名义,哪怕我们有书为据。不要勉强孩子走你想要他走的道路。他的个性、才情都可能和你想象的不一样,这不是你指责他并对他失望的理由。让我们因为孩子本身的样子而爱他。当母亲没有过分的付出的时候,对孩子就没有过分的要求和期望。因为爱是需要回报的,即使是母爱,归根结底,母亲是人,不是母鸡。爱本是促进和激发人的成长的,不是压迫。过分的关怀,随时随地的干预,不顾孩子的意愿,不管孩子是否需要,其实是以爱的名义来满足家长自身的焦虑。爱玩的女子不会把结婚生子当做放弃自己的理由和借口。一个经历丰富、内心强大自信、性格开朗乐观的女子,即使素面朝天,也不会被爱人当做黄脸婆。冷酷、爱拒绝的妈妈更容易拥有暴力倾向的孩子。太多的干预和拒绝会让孩子更容易反抗。较说实话而言;撒谎需要更高级的认知能力、社交技能。越是聪明的孩子越可能撒谎。老人迁就孩子,因为他们知道有些事没什么大不了。老人可能不懂现在的理论,但一定知道一个真理:孩子总会长大的。总是被理论牵着走的父母,是焦虑的,因为理论如此多变而可疑,并且都打扮得很像真理。在这个被媒体和名利左右的时代,我们必须做怀疑的父母。
Content Description

做妈妈不是一件容易的事。很多人抱着书本,跟着各种“规章”,亦步亦趋地养孩子,将整个人生的重心都放在孩子身上,对孩子无微不至,唯恐做错了或者没有做够。结果,爱变成了焦虑,关怀变成了压力;妈妈累,孩子更累,而妈妈的“努力”最后还不一定能换来孩子的快乐和幸福。作为国内多家知名育儿杂志的专栏作家、两个孩子的母亲,《跟着直觉做妈妈》作者立夏结合自身的育儿经历以及多年的研究和思考,在《跟着直觉做妈妈》中以大量有趣的实例、清新诙谐的文笔,指出做母亲不应迷信理论,而应顺应孩子的天性,并相信自己的直觉和常识,“温柔地爱孩子”。孩子成长的过程应该是快乐的,做妈妈也应该做得轻松而快乐。
Author Description

立夏,笔名毕家妈妈,职业撰稿人+全职母亲。 曾在国内担任电视节目主持人,后赴澳大利亚、日本、德国等地学习和工作。育有二子,长子2003年出生于东京,次子2005年出生于上海。专注研究和介绍国际先进育儿观念和方式,主张理性、自然的亲子观和教育观。现定居上海,为亲子专栏作家。出版有《毕家妈妈育儿经》一书。
Catalogue

第一篇 做个不焦虑的妈妈 做不较劲的父母 对“坏”习惯睁只眼闭只眼 允许孩子“落后” 拒绝夸耀 让孩子闷闷也无妨 我是一个“懒”妈妈 “懒”妈妈的孩子早当家 “懒”妈妈的孩子没压力 “懒”妈妈的孩子爱探索 我该对孩子发脾气吗? 为什么发脾气? 少发脾气也好 如何控制怒火? 如何避免孩子惹你发怒? 为了孩子做个好人 孩子会记住吗? 娶女先看丈母娘 做个克制的母亲 做个好父亲——学习去爱 做个好母亲:爱玩无罪 爱玩照样做母亲 爱玩的母亲是快乐的母亲 爱玩是宝贵的身教 做爱玩的母亲不容易 第二篇 做个善于管理和约束的妈妈 自主玩耍:让孩子引导! 填补思维的缺口 学会解决问题 创意表达的机会 让孩子引导你 做一个“迟钝”的妈妈 给孩子足够的材料 游乐场上的玩耍:做个安静的妈妈 安全问题 引导和益智问题 换个想法做从容的妈妈 如何处理社交困局? 其他顾虑 打架:我的孩子为什么打人? 孩子的理由 父母的理由 打架:从容应对 及时处理 从“头”对付 家长干预 撒谎: 岁的孩子要撒谎 当事实和想象的界限不那么清楚 那些无伤大雅的谎言 帮助孩子平稳过渡 撒谎:如何预防孩子养成撒谎的习惯? 做诚实的父母 避免制造“白谎”机会 奖励诚实 宽容和帮助 保持冷静 保持沟通的渠道 纪律:奖还是不奖? 受人怀疑的物质奖赏 物质奖赏不是洪水猛兽 选择性地去奖赏 物质奖赏之外的奖励 奖赏之外的解决办法 小贴士 孩子和丈夫,谁先谁后? 把他“卷”进来 和他站在一条战线上 做一个快乐的自己 卡通片:我们的孩子应该看什么? 教育性、启蒙性的卡通片 富于情节性的、以故事为主的卡通片 家长误区 看过之后你还可以做什么? 暑假:如何轻松度过? 旅行 家庭联合搞活动 第三篇 做个善于沟通的妈妈 尊重你的孩子 尊重孩子的感受 建立沟通渠道 尊重孩子的愿望 尊重孩子的个性和能力 不在公开场合羞辱孩子 孩子,妈妈伤你的心了吗? 建议父母不要说的话 不要怕孩子,也不要让孩子怕你 给孩子定规矩 以身作则 奖惩分明 耐心,再耐心 当老师说你的儿子“不乖”的时候 给孩子足够的机会去运动 发现孩子的兴趣,鼓励他去发展、去探索 告诉孩子底线在哪里 摆正自己的心态 如何做,让孩子愿意跟我们说? 亲子交流不能做空降兵 交流需要兴趣 交流需要聆听 交流需要体谅 交流需要接受 交流需要技巧 爱需要表达 由衷地欣赏孩子 给孩子你的时间 给孩子礼物 充分体谅孩子的感受 以孩子接受的方式表达爱 以没有压力的方式表达爱 和祖辈一起养好下一代 承认老人的功劳 看到老人的智慧 该让步时即让步 和气为重 聆听 提高自己,洗脑别人 第四篇 做个理性思考的妈妈 我的孩子没有玩伴 人生是圆的,人生是长的 家有爱游戏的小朋友 关于我儿子的职业设计 平常心,平常爱 有前提的无条件的爱 培养一个谦让的孩子 女孩不富养 重读安徒生童话 父亲,孩子需要你 新爸新做:挑战旧“军规” 做一个怀疑的父母 你可以对理论说“不”
Book Abstract

误区2:一些动画片连对话都没有,只是咿咿呀呀的,孩子看了是不是也会变成这样,最后连话都不会说…… 孩子在不同年龄阶段、不同发展时期会有不同的需要,表现出对卡通片的不同爱好。如果一部没有什么明显问题的咿咿呀呀的卡通片能够吸引你的孩子,那么这部片子一定有它的妙处。孩子是最挑剔也是最诚实的,不喜欢就是不喜欢,喜欢则一定有其理由。英文原版《天线宝宝》里的小波说话含含糊糊、像个大舌头,观看的孩子因此而受影响不好好说话了吗?不,孩子反而更喜欢这个角色,因为在生活中,一两岁的孩子就有很多是这样说话的。还有陪伴几代人长大的《鼹鼠的故事》,中文版压根儿就没有配音,听着叽哩咕噜的捷克语,孩子从画面就充分领略了故事情节、人物性格,画面已经给出了足够的信息,从一个源头和方式就能获得欣赏影片需要的全部信息,对同时处理多种信息还心有余力不足的孩子来说,反而是一件好事。后来的《企鹅的故事》走的也是这条路线,还更夸张:企鹅们说的不是英语、法语或汉语,根本就不是人类语言,而是被家长笑称为企鹅语的胡乱咕噜。
Introduction

我后悔对孩子做过的事情有两件。 第一件事是哥哥刚出生的时候,为了让他养成独立入睡的习惯,我们用费伯人眠法训练他。这种方式也叫做“cryingout”(“哭出来”),就是在孩子还醒着的时候,将他独自放在小床上,让他哭3分钟后,进去看看,然后等他再哭3分钟,再进去看看,直到孩子最终入睡。那时我们旅行很多,每到不同的地方,都这样让他哭上几个晚上来养成独立入睡的习惯。 第二件事是给哥哥定时喂奶。其实那时我的奶多得可以供全家人天天喝咖啡,但是,我照着书上的说法,就是要熬到某个时间才给哥哥哺乳。每次没到喂奶时间,哥哥就开始嗷嗷地哭闹,我和母亲抱着他东走西走,左哄右哄,一定要等足3小时才喂他。

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