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Jingdong book

与孩子一起成长:亲子关系中的心理学智慧

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作者结合自己多年从事青少年心理咨询的经验和专业的心理学研究的知识基础,系统论述了亲子关系中经常遇到的各种问题及其解决方法,既保证其专业性和科学性,又能够实现可操作性、趣味性与通俗性。书中不仅融入了作者多年积累的真实咨询案例,还有实用的心理量表、亲子关系量表等实用性和操作性很强的部分。
Content Description

这是一本教你如何科学做家长的书。正如作者所言,亲子关系是一门科学,家长需要遵循科学的规律才能融入孩子的世界。这本著作立足心理学的科学理论与方法,在传统的亲子教育内容上给家长传递了一种崭新的科学教子理念。
《与孩子一起成长:亲子关系中的心理学智慧》定位于满足5~16岁中小学学生教师和家长的亲子关系教育,对教师教学和家庭教育有很好的实用价值。
Author Description

葛操,心理学博士,郑州大学心理学教授,省级优秀青年骨干教师,省级重点学科心理学第一学术带头人,郑州大学应用心理研究所副所长,硕士生导师。人社部首批国家心理咨询师培训师,省人力资源与社会保障厅心理咨询师考试鉴定专家。世界医学最高认证中心(WMECC)和国际整体与翻然医学学会(IHNMA)认证的国际催眠治疗师、完形治疗师。研究专长:儿童青少年心理咨询、亲子关系、认知与学习、心理测量。

申景玉,女,北京市示范高中大峪中学心理健康教育中心主任、政教处主任,中学高级教师,国家二级心理咨询师,世界医学最高认证中心(WMECC)和国际整体与自然医学学会(IHNMA)认证的国际催眠治疗师。擅长青少年心理辅导、亲子心理辅导。
Comments

成为一名卓越的家长不容易。本书是一部教你如何科学做家长的书,娓娓地给家长讲述一个个亲子教育成功或失败的案例和由此得到的启发,教给家长心理教育的实用技巧。正如作者所说,亲子关系是一门科学,家长需要遵循科学的规律才能融入孩子的世界。
——天津师范大学心理与行为研究院副院长、博士生导师白学军

这是一部寓心理学智慧于亲子教育实践中的好书。它将科学方法与咨询技巧结合起来,教您怎样摈弃急功近利,拒绝拔苗助长,以与孩子一同幸福成长。据此,我全力推荐。
——哈佛大学心理学博士岳晓东教授

本书以真实的案例和科学的方法全面阐释了亲子关系中家长应该拥有的智慧,展现了心理学上的各种亲子教育技巧和操作方法,从心理学及心理咨询的角度为孩子的健康成长提供借鉴,帮助您和孩子一起幸福成长。
——中国台湾著名心理治疗大师蔡仲淮博士
Catalogue

绪论 走进孩子的心理世界
第一章 陪孩子慢慢成长
第一节 孩子的健康成长高于一切
一、把握亲子心理规律,拒绝拔苗助长
二、与孩子一起成长关注的成长问题
第二节 亲子关系是一种心理依恋关系
一、亲子依恋是一种心理的满足
二、亲子心理重在“共情”
三、亲子心理渴望家长的平常心
四、亲子心理需要家长的宽容心
第三节 在孩子成长中播种期望和自信
一、神奇的“皮格马利翁效应”
二、让自信的种子在孩子心中发芽
三、营造和谐的亲子教育环境

第二章 孩子成长中的潜能开发
第一节 成长发展的“关键期”
一、孩子发展的关键期
二、让孩子赢在成长的关键期
第二节 让孩子拥有超凡的记忆力
一、从遗忘曲线看孩子的记忆力
二、超凡记忆力的奥秘
三、超凡记忆力的训练与培养
第三节 孩子注意力的培养
一、注意力的魅力
二、孩子注意力的问题及表现
三、培养孩子注意力的科学方法
第四节 思维力是潜能的核心
一、良好思维力是学习力的核心
二、思维力的开发与培养
三、为孩子插上创造的翅膀

第三章 亲子关系与孩子的行为塑造
第一节 行为塑造的心理学基础
一、行为塑造的理论启迪
二、普雷马克原理
二、模仿的价值
四、“尝试错误”的启示
第二节 善用奖励与惩罚
一、奖励与欣赏孩子
二、奖励不可过度
三、奖励的操作技巧
四、惩罚的积极作用
五、惩罚不是万能的
六、惩罚的操作技巧
第三节 养成良好行为习惯的方法
一、行为习惯的养成不是父母强加的
二、行为习惯的养成需要父母的帮助
第四节 如何改变不良的行为习惯
一、找准下手点
二、有效地改变孩子的不良行为

第四章 和谐亲子关系下的高效学习心理
第五章 和孩子共同面对考试焦虑
第六章 营造和谐的亲子沟通心理
第七章 教会孩子驾驭情绪拥有高情商
第八章 教孩子应对挫折和延迟满足
第九章 亲子关系与孩子的交往心理
第十章 亲子关系与孩子的健全人格塑造
第十一章 发展孩子健康的性心理
第十二章 共同面对孩子成长中的异常心理
参考文献
后记
Book Abstract

1.家长教育与孩子注意力的发展
有些家长经常打断孩子正在进行的思考、学习和游戏,分散孩子正在集中的注意。通常孩子们对见到的一切都充满好奇,坐在自己喜欢的玩具前,这儿摆摆,那儿放放,一坐就是很长时间。在成人眼里,这远不如认字数数那样增长知识,但在孩子看来,这是其乐无穷的游戏。孩子全部身心都投入到玩具中,正是注意力高度集中的时候,如果做父母的在这个时候去打断孩子,不但会引起孩子的反感和烦躁,影响亲子关系,反而还会无意间破坏了对孩子注意力的培养。
有些家长不仅限制或阻止孩子可以培养良好注意力的爱好,如与同伴游戏、看课外书、户外活动等,而且一味按照自己的好恶,强迫孩子从事自己不喜欢、没有兴趣的事情。
还有些家长对孩子太过于保护和呵护,他们很担心孩子,于是过分看管孩子的行为。孩子无论做什么事,不是被打搅,就是被告知什么事能做,以至于孩子不能养成专注思考、判断的习惯。
2.谁限制了孩子注意力的发展
从孩子角度出发,我们可以找到大致三个原因,一个是自己对所学科目的目的和意义认识不足,有的对某些学科不感兴趣,甚至厌倦这门学科,或不喜欢这门课的老师。这是导致很多初中学生某科学习成绩不理想,成为偏科生的主要原因之一。
另一个是孩子心理压力过大,高度紧张和焦虑。一名高二女生因注意力无法集中而导致上课不能专心听讲,成绩下降。她在写给心理辅导老师的咨询信中说:“我原来在县普通高中上学,高一第二学期转到这里。以前,我的学习成绩总是排在前几名,可到这里就差很远,有时候都跟不上。我拼命学拼命学,到升高二时排到班级二十多名。高二分班,我被分到B班。其实我对这个也没怎么在乎,学习好坏不在于这些。可这段时间我心烦意乱,我也不知道什么原因,上课听老师讲课时总是走神,听着听着就忘了讲些什么内容。到了课下也不想学习,即使坐在那里也是干别的。我也想过我之所以这样的原因,可就是找不出来。我害怕考试考不好,对不起父母。我总是不能安下心来学习,成绩一直下降,我不得不求助于您了。”这是一个真实的案例,我们看到了孩子的无助,她不是不想学习,而是注意力的涣散导致她不能好好学习。这种情况在成绩稍好和学习动机较强的孩子中比较容易发生。
……
Introduction

当问及家庭,想要培养出一个怎样的孩子?大多数家长回答说:要培养出健康幸福、个性良好的孩子。
那么个人的幸福到底取决于哪些因素呢?积极心理学的创始人马丁·塞利格曼提出“幸福五元素(PERMA)”即:积极情绪(Positiveemotion)、投入(Engagement)、关系(Relationship)、意义(Meaning)、成就(Accomplishment)。快乐的、沉浸其中的、有意义的、有成就的和有良好人际关系的生活就是幸福的生活。从中可以看出,关系是我们获得幸福的重要元素。和谐的亲子关系是需要学习的,尤其是需要当父母的来学习。因为对于独生子女家庭来说,许多为人父母的人并没有当家长的经验。我在长期从事儿童青少年的心理及教育研究的过程中,发现中国的家长需要在以下几个方面加强学习。
学习尊重和信任自己的孩子。家长觉得孩子是属于自己的,有权利、有义务把他培养成人。于是,便按照自己的想法和要求来和孩子相处,丝毫不考虑孩子的心理发展需要。家长居高临下,颐指气使,不懂得尊重和信任孩子,这样,孩子就慢慢学会了不信任父母。没有了信任的力量,孩子做事和生活就缺乏阳光的心态,变得消极而被动。
家长要学会与孩子沟通的技巧。亲子关系是以血缘关系为纽带的人际关系,特殊性在于其亲密性。但是,这种亲密性往往使家长难以适应,加之年龄的差异和代沟的存在,家长往往觉得和孩子和谐相处非常难,觉得孩子故意在跟自己作对。其实,亲子关系看似单纯,这里面却有许多的规律需要学习。
学习了解当代孩子的心理与教育技巧。“八零后”“九零后”“零零后”孩子的特点是“异常聪明、心理脆弱、极端自我、人际不良”。针对这样心理特点的孩子,家长如果还是固守传统的方法来教育,肯定是要出问题的。
第四,家长要学习因材施教。每个孩子都有自己的不同,国家和社会有其总体的教育目标,而家长需要根据自己孩子的特点,摸索出适合孩子的教育方法。比如,摒弃只重视学习和分数的狭隘教育观,培养孩子健康良好的个性和积极的生活态度,根据孩子的兴趣,发展孩子的爱好等。
总之,成为一个卓越的家长不容易,需要更多的付出和更大的耐心。
其实,当前中国的家长处在一种狂热的学习中,凡是亲子关系方面的讲座,他们都赶场似的去听,凡是亲子类的书籍他们都买来当宝典一样地阅读和尝试,这使得家长很累,而且往往收效甚微。其实,我国当前的亲子教育市场出现了“过度化”的倾向,即过度夸大了亲子教育培训的作用。各种类似“精英儿童培训班”“天才儿童训练班”“神童孵化班”层出不穷,这种拔苗助长似的培训,大有参加了就可以把孩子培养成天才的功效。其实,参加培训后的家长往往是大呼上当。家长们也困惑了,到底我们该如何学习做家长?如何避免狂热,避免这种拔苗助长对孩子带来更大的伤害?

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