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读心术:怎样在不为人知的情况下了解和影响他人

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读心术:怎样在不为人知的情况下了解和影响他人

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怎样在不为人知的情况下了解和影响他人,心理学鬼才识人绝招,教你看人看到骨子里。亨利克·费克萨斯是瑞典著名读心术大师、沟通鬼才、激励讲师、演说家。他将心理学、沟通学和恶作剧融为一体,让人们在开怀大笑的同时,不知不觉就改变了固有的态度和看法。赶快来《读心术:怎样在不为人知的情况下了解和影响他人》一睹为快吧!

Content Description

表现出喜欢对方,可以让你无往不胜:人们喜欢的人是自己,第二喜欢的人是喜欢我们的人。研究表明,人们都愿意和那些喜欢自己的人待在一起,也更容易赞同那些喜欢自己的人的意见。
模仿对方的语速,可以让你更容易被接受:有家电话销售公司曾做过一次实验:把销售人员分成两组,组沿用老方法进行电话销售,第二组则得到了一个额外的指示:在给客户打电话时,尽量模仿对方的语速。就这么一个小小的改变,导致第二组销售人员的业绩比以往提高了30%!
不擅长撒谎的身体:所有谎言迹象中明显的信号是由身体传达的。我们很难控制自己不出汗、不脸红,或者瞳孔不放大。而离脸越远的部位,越容易在说谎时泄露真相。比如手。
3分钟判断婚姻走向:心理学家古特曼花了14年制作了650对夫妇的谈话录像。他发现,在谈话录像的3分钟内,如果夫妻一方(尤其是女方)在谈话中出现了无意识的、微妙的厌恶表情,那么从统计数据来看,这样的夫妻关系维持不会超过4年。
Author Description

亨利克·费克萨斯瑞典著名读心术大师、沟通鬼才、激励讲师、演说家。他将心理学、沟通学和恶作剧融为一体,让人们在开怀大笑的同时,不知不觉就改变了固有的态度和看法。《读心术》是他的本书,2007年一经推出,就轰动欧洲。迄今已被译成数十种文字出版,已成为众多沟通培训学校的知名教材。

Catalogue

第一章 真能读懂别人的心思吗?
什么事读心术?
你已经在做了,但你可以做得更好
第二章 为什么要学会读心?
读心是为了与他人更亲近
建立亲密关系永远都不晚
第三章 读心第一步:把自己变成他人
贴近对方的行为
模仿对方的声音
配合对方的精神状态
第四章 读心第二步:看“眼”识人
眼、耳、口、鼻、手决定思维方式
眼睛运动与思维方式
语言习惯于思维方式
几个识人小技巧
第五章 读心第三步:察“颜”观“色”
情感来源于本能
识别表情泄露出的不同情感体验
回应对方的情感
小结
第六章 读心改变生活
读心的意外收获
第七章 读心术魔法一:当一个测谎专家
什么事真实的谎言
不会说谎的身体语言
话语里的谎言痕迹
第八章 读心术魔法二:做一个万人迷
射出你的爱之箭
解读他的爱情密码
第九章 读心术魔法三:让大家都听你的
少用“不”强调你的真实想法
把你的建议“藏起来”
第十章 读心术魔法四:控制他人的喜怒哀乐
无处不在的“心锚”
如何植入“心锚”
熟能生巧
小结
第十一章 见证奇迹的时刻——几个“读心”示范
我能看到你在想什么
隔空“探”物
钟摆占卜
第十二章 读心术使用忠告
读心有风险,使用需谨慎
Book Abstract

为什么我们想知道别人在想什么?一个很好的理由就是,这有利于我们建立亲善的人际关系。亲善是一个在非语言交流领域中得到全世界认同的词汇,这也是我在此使用它的原因。亲善是我们想和见到的人建立的一种关系,不论是在会议上让别人理解自己展示的创意,还是在超市里请别人帮忙递过来一个热水瓶,都需要建立亲善关系才能达成。
“亲善”(rapport)这个词来自于法语的rappr。chement,意思是“建立或重建和谐友好的关系”。也就是说,通过建立亲善关系,我们创造了一种相互信任、相互满意、相互合作和相互敞开心扉的人际互动关系。这听起来真不错,是不是?亲善是所有交流的基础,至少当你希望谈话对方关心你必须要说的事情的时候是如此。当你努力传达信息时,如果没有和对方建立亲善关系,那么哪怕是让孩子把碗从洗碗机里拿出来这样简单的事也会举步维艰,因为对方根本不会听你的。亲善也是人们建立亲密私人关系的首要条件,不管要建立怎样的私人关系,没有亲善,一切都是徒劳。
我们总是在和周围的人建立或好或坏的关系。通过了解这一过程,你可以学会如何与别人(即使是你不喜欢的人)建立良好的亲善关系。有趣的是,你经常会遇见这样的情况:别人对你的看法和想法所持有的态度和决定,会大大地影响你的生活,比如决定你每个月能领到多少薪水,能不能拿到一份大订单,甚至影响你的未来发展、你的一生。既然如此,为什么不让别人理解你的想法,甚至喜欢你和你的建议呢?如果你看不出建立亲善关系怎么会与读心术有关,我可以理解你,但是我仍然坚持你应该做到这一点。你将要学习到的观察别人的技巧,不仅有助于建立亲善关系,也有助于你知晓别人的心理活动,知道他们怎样理解世界,他们在想什么,以及他们有什么样的感受。事实上,要建立良好的人际关系,你在很早的阶段就要开始读心了。亲善的基本原则亲善的基本原则非常简单,但是它要求你必须对人们的交流方式具有深刻的见解。亲善的基本原则是迎合别人喜欢的交流方式(如果你曾经学习过市场营销,你一定学到过如何与目标客户沟通,这是同样的道理)。你可以用各种各样的方法(我们后面会一一列出)来做到这一点。这些方法几乎无一例外地都是非语言的、让对方在无意识中接受信号的方法。
迎合别人有两个好处。一是让别人在你(非语言地)表达自己的时候更容易理解你在说什么。别人无需将你的非语言交流“翻译”成更容易理解的方式,因为你交流的方式恰好是他们最喜欢(最容易理解)的。当交流障碍由此消除的时候,当谈话对方不再需要“过滤”你的信息以便理解的时候,误解的可能性就大大降低了。为了能够迎合别人,你必须首先确定对方喜欢什么样的交流方式。也就是说,通过学会观察别人是怎样交流的,你也学会了理解别人实际想要表达的意思。
迎合别人的第二个好处就是让对方更喜欢你。其中的理由很简单:通过迎合别人的交流方式,使自己的表达与对方的表达类似,就等于表明你喜欢对方,而人们通常都喜欢使自己联想到自己的人。我们最喜欢的人是谁呢?是我们自己。我们第二喜欢的人是谁呢?是喜欢我们的人。我们喜欢和那些跟自己相似的人待在一起。研究表明,我们也倾向于雇用与自己相似的人。而我们在选择最亲密的朋友时,也会选择那些能让我们感到舒服自在的人,以及与自己相似的人。
在此,有必要做一个简短的评论。迎合别人的想法是很自然的,并不会抹煞你自己的个性。通过迎合别人来建立亲善关系,是你与别人见面一开始时应做的事情。在任何一种人际关系或会面中,我们都相互迎合,直到亲善的关系建立起来为止。你可以比对方更加有意识地促进这一过程,无私地主动迎合对方。如果对方对某种外语比对英语更熟悉,那么你先去讲对方更熟悉的外语,这么做一点也不奇怪。你迎合对方更喜欢的交流方式,通过迎合对方的喜好,无形中你就在对方熟悉的领域满足了对方,使他们联想到自己,从而散发出一个无意识的信号:“我和你相似,你和我在一起很安全,你可以信任我。”亲善关系建立以后,你可以开始改变你自己的行为,从而促使对方也做出改变。此时,你不再需要唯唯诺诺或者迎合对方,相反,对方已经开始自愿跟从你。这正是亲善关系最有效的地方,它可以让我们轮流地居于主导地位。
我向你保证,如果你愿意和对方谈论他们感兴趣的话题,比如足球,他们就会更容易喜欢你。而一旦对方开始决定喜欢你的时候,你们双方就有可能开始谈论更多其他的话题。
如果你与对方建立了亲善的关系,对方就会更容易接受你的想法和建议。你知道,当别人喜欢你时,他们会倾向于赞同你。这意味着,如果你去迎合一个人,向对方展示出你喜欢他(她),对方也会自然而然地倾向于赞同你。你所说的也是他们所想的(因为你们彼此相似),不赞同你就会有点像不赞同他们自己。
一旦你处于亲善的关系之中,你就可以掌握主导权,将对方引导到积极的心理状态,使之更容易了解你的想法或信息及其意义价值。这是一个不通过控制对方而产生影响的例子,我们丝毫不必以任何险恶的意图来操控别人。如果你的想法确实不好,那么不管你和对方多么亲善,对方也不一定赞同你。因此,我们要做的只是创建一种相互受益的关系,在这种关系中我们可以更具创造力、更富建设性地探讨问题,并且保持相互尊重与理解。我们并不“控制”或欺骗别人来接受违背他们本意的想法,我们只是通过一些简单的方法,比如移动身体、调整语调,来确保别人处在一种愉快的状态下来理解我们想表达的意图。
……

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