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请把你的手伸给我:一个女心理咨询师的十年乡村咨询手记

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请把你的手伸给我:一个女心理咨询师的十年乡村咨询手记

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《请把你的手伸给我:一个女心理咨询师的十年乡村咨询手记》中的所有故事都是作者从亲历的上千个案中精选出来的、有代表意义的故事。书中的每个个案,都是来自最基层的、带有鲜活的泥土味道,每个故事都由咨询过程、点评、知识点三部分组成。书的内容共有八个部分组成,计20万字。在国内众多的心理类书目中,目前国内还没有记叙最基层人心理状况的书籍,《请把你的手伸给我:一个女心理咨询师的十年乡村咨询手记》所涉及的个案,几乎全部来自农村,是一个中国农村妇女心理状态的原生缩影。
Content Description

风风雨雨走了10年,从乡村的田间地头,到农户的炕头;从村委会到我的小咨询室;从孤独、迷茫,到今天的快乐和充实,在农村心理健康这个没有被业界关注的处女地,作为一个拓荒人,作者走出了一条属于自己的道路。《请把你的手伸给我:一个女心理咨询师的十年乡村咨询手记》记述了作者十年多来自学心理学和如何走上公益之路的心路历程。
Author Description

周永红,女,中国首位面向农村妇女做公益心理咨询的心理咨询师,被誉为“农村妇女的贴心人”。十年间,沉潜于位处冀北山区的小县城,开设并守护着全国唯一面向农村妇女开放的小小咨询室和一条农村妇女健康心理咨询热线,接待最基层的来访者,接听来自全国各地的需求者的电话,十年来个体咨询个案1000多例,团体培训、辅导一万多人次,除此之外,她常年在大中小学校、企业、社区、机关、山村讲课调研,为全国各地不同的人群做心理辅导,拥有大量的粉丝。

Catalogue

自序:在那并不遥远的地方
第一章 家长的烦心事
家有“小偷”
想嫁人的11岁女孩
人际关系焦虑源于曾被寄养
候车室里遇到的寻子故事
走进央视“心理访谈”的母女

第二章 世上没有坏孩子
爱伤人的小男孩
乖孩子的青春岁月
考试“掉链子”背后的原因
虎妈的“成功”教育很可怕

第三章 性教育的尴尬
高考前的紧急求助
当性问题出现在母子之间
恋物癖不是流氓
真假同性恋

第四章 夫妻间的那些刺
窝囊丈夫出轨谁的错?
谁拯救了她不幸的婚姻
冷暴力源于他们的少年经历
当婚姻遇到了家暴
生了女孩之后

第五章 家庭中的自我修行
瞧不起自己的“贱女人”
一个泼妇的蜕变
“幸福家庭”里的小少爷
恨母亲整整45年
胖姑告状

第六章 性问题原是心问题
小媳妇和大男人的不和谐
丈夫“不行”背后的故事
她发现了丈夫的性爱日记
不合群源于“丢人的妇科病”
乱伦,谁的错?

第七章 束缚内心的迷障
当孩子遭受重大心灵创伤之后
要自杀的古稀老人
龚花美助人背后的故事
别拿自己当病人
失独母亲能走出绝望吗?

第八章 心病还须心药医
“强迫症”把她吓病了
被“邪魔缠身”的小伙
梁翠玲涅槃记
“小偷”是这样炼成的
离不开大嫂并不是性变态
后记:农村心理健康的现状
Book Abstract

“是啊是啊,她可臭美了,想咋着就咋着,连我爷爷都听她的,我不想让她管,她啥也不懂,短信都不会发!你看那打扮,土死了,还自我感觉良好。等过几年我长大了找一个比我爸还有钱的人,管着她,买更贵的衣服,她那些东西我才不稀罕!”
她从一开始就一口一个“她”,可想她在家受宠的程度!
我故意顺着她:“是啊,我也觉得你妈妈的生活真是没意思透了,整天圈在村子里打牌,和一帮女人在一起东家长西家短,多无聊!将来就是你爸在城里买了房,你们搬城里来住也没意思,人家说啥新鲜事也不明白,你有钱人家也是瞧不起你,还得回小山沟里待着去。”
“我和妈妈一起去华东五市旅游过,人太多,哪里也不认识,总在城里生活没意思。”
“你就愿意在那个小山村待一辈子,将来也变成和你妈妈她们一样的女人?”
“我可不想学她们,她们啥都不懂,整天就知道比吃比穿比家里老爷们挣钱多少,有时候我说她们俗,还不爱听,认为我是小孩子,不拿我当回事,那架势、那口气我就不服她们。”
“你认为世界上有比找有钱人当丈夫更开心的事吗?”
“嗯一一也有吧,可是我不行,找不到。”
“说说看,什么事?”
“原来我想当演员,后来又想学画画,这几年我又想当幼儿园老师,家里人都说我瞎琢磨、不可能。唉,算了,这些事确实是得读书,可是我不想上学了,初中要住校,听说可苦了,没自由,不让花钱买零食,不让玩手机,还必须穿校服,我可受不了。”
我感觉这个小女孩儿平日里一定是个拔尖的,便问她:“你们村里同龄孩子中是不是顶数你见过世面?”
她笑了:“你看出来了吧?她们都没去过北京、没坐过火车,我都坐过飞机了!”
“我看你真的和她们不一样,将来无论是当画家还是当老师肯定都没问题,就你这样要是当一名幼儿园老师一定也是特别合适的!”
“真的?为啥啊?”“当然真的,你学习好、聪明漂亮又会打扮自己,活泼可爱招人喜欢,小孩子和她们的家长肯定喜欢你这样的老师,那些有钱的男人还不都主动跑去找你,还用你费心找他们?到那时,只有钱但长得不好、人品不好你还不要他们呢,是不是?如果以后你的伙伴们去上初中、上高中,将来比你文化高,比你见识广,比你懂得多,人家有钱的人不就去找她们不找你了?你呢,整天在家里和妈妈赌气,啥也学不到,早早就变成一个小妇女。那些有钱男人身边有的是素质高、气质好又有能力的女孩子,人家就不会找你做老婆了,是不是?”
“倒也是,我也想学城里人那样,有气质,穿啥衣服都好看,就和你这样似地,有好工作,能自己挣钱,有好多人喜欢。”
“我小时候可没有你聪明、漂亮,你将来肯定比我强百倍!”
“真的?瞎掰!”她又笑了。
“真的,不骗你。你现在反正也是在家闲等着长大嫁有钱人,多没意思,咱俩还不如想想现在先干点儿啥,也不耽误你将来嫁有钱人,好吗?”
“好吧!我妈从来也不和我这样说话,也不真心夸我,就会骂我懒、没出息、笨,说我根本不如她,嫁不到好男人。哼,我就懒得和她说话!”
“那你就先去上初中,毕业后,想上高中就上,不想上也无所谓,就读个技校、幼师什么的,那时候你长大了、懂事了、有文化了、更漂亮了,咱让那些有钱人来找你,我帮着你挑选!”
她跪坐在沙发上满险认真:“那有一天我又不想当幼儿园老师了怎么办啊?”
……
Introduction

40岁前,我不喜欢农村妇女。
最初,对农村的理解和概念是从妈那里来的。穷,没有足够吃的和穿的。我从没能体会过什么叫饿,怎样叫没穿的,但是妈讲的故事总是不能忘记。
20世纪初,妈出生在农村,从小没吃过一顿饱饭、没穿过一件新衣,5岁就同姥姥一起织苇席养家,妈说,饿了仅是一块高梁面饼子,姥姥会让妈到河边去捞几片人家洗菜时摘下的老叶子就着吃。一年春节,姥姥把她压在箱底的红色粗布嫁衣找出来让妈穿上出去玩一会儿,姥爷认为小孩子不可以穿新衣服,暴跳如雷,骂了姥姥打了妈。17岁妈嫁入属于大家主的父亲家中,算是高攀了。算命的说父亲是石榴木命,缺水,必须要找大海水命的女人养着才行,妈水命。
爸少小离家,妈自己守着公婆和两个小姑子受尽了苦难。奶奶是远近闻名的恶婆子,就算是妈没理解她的意图错摘一个瓜,奶奶不仅要逼迫她再接上去还要挨打罚跪。结婚好几年,奶奶不允许爸和妈亲近,一次爸从外地回家,从正在干活的母亲面前经过,假装无意掉了一个东西,妈迅速捡起来,是一块花布,便慌忙藏起并终日惶惶,但最后还是被奶奶搜走了。直到妈24岁那年才有了大哥。多年来,爸一直在外,妈一个人带大了三个哥哥一个弟弟和我。坐着火车离开农村时,妈一手抱着不满两岁的我,一手抱着几个月的弟弟,爸不管,远远坐在另一节车厢里。后来妈多次说起这件事情,我感觉一直在大城市里工作的父亲,没有像新中国成立初期很多干部回老家和原配离婚,就很不错了。
离开农村,妈很快融入了社会,把我们几个拉扯得像模像样,5年后回农村接奶奶,人们感叹妈妈的变化:没想到这样快你就翻身了!
妈总在说她再也不想回到那个没柴烧没饭吃的家中了。幼小的我在心里一次次想象、描绘着农村的不好。
若干年之后,大嫂从农村进入我们的家庭,她的无知、刁蛮、自私,让我们的左邻右舍、父母的同事、我的同学及所有的城里人讨厌反感不接纳,而她所有的娘家人的种种恶俗更是我们茶余饭后所嗤之以鼻的内容,她一辈子都没能融入我的家庭,我们一点儿都不喜欢她。这,更加重了我对农村女人的极度排斥。
长大后,我静静的生活在小城里,守候着我的小家,孤单并清高着、幸福并自宠着,别人说,我与大家似平行的两条铁轨,永远都不会有相交点。
偶然的一次下乡,打破了一切宁静,我喜欢上了农村妇女,并且再也没有离开过她们。
那是在2001年的深秋,北京的几位教授来讲什么性别意识和妇女参政议政,我被当时负责该项目的王大姐拉去听课,课后,有互动、游戏、说心里话等环节。会场上,不同年龄段的妇女,没有扭捏推辞,一个个大方的不亚于机关职员,她们大胆坦然地说孩子说丈夫说自己。一位四十多岁的妇女,用粗糙的手扯了扯身上褪了色的绿毛衣,捋了捋头发,双眼似乎谁也没有看,一脸严肃稳步走向讲台,像是对自己在说:今年的民主选举我也要试一试,如果不行的话,打今儿起,我就好好培养女儿,让她当干部、让她有出息,我还就不信了,这女人咋就比不上男人!
她的裤子看起来有些脏,黑皮鞋像从没有打过油,鞋跟上沾着不少泥土。
屋内的人鼓掌喊叫,我感觉那一刻眼泪要流下来了,有一种特别想亲近她们的欲望。

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Brand Origin China

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