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Jingdong book

婚姻健康教育指南

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Books Fitness & Health Family Health Care

Jingdong book

婚姻健康教育指南

Name: 婚姻健康教育指南
Brand: Jingdong book
SKU: 3120033491
Price: 24.20 USD
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Content Description

《婚姻健康教育指南》希望给大家这样两个视角，横向的视角，夫妻之间是怎样迸发出不和谐之音的。更重要的是另一个纵向的视角，因为夫妻各自的成长经历和原生家庭的不同，因为男女之间各自的性别特点的差异，才造成了夫妻之间的一些矛盾。这就需要“追根溯源”，现场调教的效果就要打折扣了。什么“太太这样做了，先生就要那样配合，先生这样做了，太太就耍这样配合”，其实这只是皮毛之举。这本书会指导大家透过夫妻日常生活的现象，感受丈夫或妻子内心深层次的一些影响因素。所以，我更愿意把这本书当成一本教材介绍给大家，一些致力于夫妻关系教育的专业工作者读完这本书，也会受到一些专业启迪。因为一旦开展对夫妻矛盾的“追根溯源”，就需要心理学专业知识的支持。

Author Description

吴任钢，北京大学心理学教授，博士生导师，中国心理学会首批认定的临床心理咨询与治疗注册督导师，中国性学会性心理专业委员会副主任委员，中国心理卫生协会心理咨询与治疗专业委员会委员。研究方向主要有认知行为治疗在各个心理障碍领域的理论和应用，常年在综合医院心理门诊开展心理治疗与咨询工作。在《中国心理卫生杂志》、《中国临床康复》、《中国性学杂志》、《中华护理学杂志》和《健康报》等国内医学重要报纸、杂志上发表论文五十余篇。并在国外有影响的专业杂志发表多篇论文。
自2010年起，承担了国家科技部重点支撑计划项目“婚姻健康教育及夫妻关系”的研究，重点研究了原生家庭对子女婚姻的影响，个体自我分化程度对婚姻的影响等，取得了一系列研究成果。

Catalogue

第一章锻造婚姻，从好话好说开始
一、引子：一个“外遇”的故事
二、夫妻之间为什么不能好话好说
三、故事的结局：重建婚姻，从好话好说开始
四、锻造婚姻，不止“好话好说”
五、结语：建设婚姻，不仅是自己的事儿

第二章解读婚姻
一、美好婚姻的重要意义
二、爱情三角理论
三、Gottman婚姻理论
四、全球视角的婚姻健康教育

第三章婚姻中的两性差异
一、关于男人和女人的笑话
二、性别差异——男人和女人的沟通
三、“你没有错，你只是跟我不一样”——一位妻子的自白

第四章婚姻承诺
一、婚姻承诺的相关理论与研究
二、婚姻承诺的两个阶段
三、婚姻承诺的两种类型
四、为什么承诺重要

第五章原生家庭与婚姻
一、原生家庭概述
二、原生家庭对个人的影响
三、原生家庭对婚姻关系的影响
四、原生家庭与夫妻关系问题的解决对策
五、探知原生家庭的有效工具：家谱图

第六章成人依恋在婚姻家庭中应用
一、依恋的发生和发展
二、成人依恋
三、成人依恋的类型及测量
四、成人依恋的应用
五、成人依恋对婚姻家庭的直接影响
六、成人依恋对婚姻家庭的间接影响
七、主客体互倚模型中成人依恋对婚姻家庭的影响

第七章婚姻与冲突
第八章婚姻的困惑
第九章亲密关系的沟通
第十章东方人格基础下的亲密关系相处之道
第十一章婚外恋与离婚的思考

Book Abstract

愤怒，会让我们说出伤人的话，做出伤人的事，诱导别人进一步伤害我们。然后，我们只能躲到一个角落里，承受内疚、自责、仇恨的折磨！
当我们面对婚姻中的另一半时，愤怒自然会把我们拉向“你错我对”的泥潭，激起对方的愤怒。这时，我们通常只能得到对方同样的反击。夫妻双方在“你错我对”的拉锯战中，卷入恐惧、自责、内疚的旋涡，怎么会有心理空间，去顾及自己和别人的感受和需要呢？
当我们身为父母面对孩子的时候，我们的愤怒还可能会点燃孩子的恐惧、自责与内疚。于是，他们无法活在此时此地，无法专注地解决当下困难，甚至与父母对抗，让父母更加愤怒。
当人在生气的时候，很难觉察到自己的需要，只是想着责备、惩罚对方。于是，一家人相互体谅感受和需要的温情，很容易被相互点燃的怒火烧得一千二净。只有培育智慧，转化愤怒，一家人才会恢复理解和表达感受和需要的能力。
人们常常误以为，自己愤怒的根源，就是别人说的某句话、做的某件事。于是，责备、惩罚等伤害他人的言行，顺理成章地成了“发泄”愤怒的主要方式。结果呢？复仇和惩罚并不能真正平息内心的怒火——因为内心的敌意和恐惧，并不能满足自己内心的需要。
其实，我们生气的根源，是我们内心的某些东西对别入的言行做出了反应。这“内心的某些东西”，就是我们评判他人言行的习惯。只要自己不喜欢，就是“错的”、“坏的”。而评判的标准由自己来定。当我们只关注对方对错、好坏时，就容易忽视自己和他人的感受和需要，怒火自然会越烧越旺。
愤怒，不是我们“脾气不好”，而是点燃怒火的人和事碰巧触痛了我们内心的伤口——曾经受到不公平的对待或伤害。这些伤口可能是过去的，也可能是新近的。愤怒所撩起的新伤旧痛无一不在提醒我们：自己某些生命需要没有得到满足！其实，关注愤怒背后未曾满足的需要，你就不会生气，反而更容易关注如何满足这些需要。你能平息自己的怒火，就有心理空间去聆听对方愤怒背后的需要，及时把对方拉出怒火，回到满足需要的轨道中。愤怒，也源自我们习惯于放弃选择的责任。一行禅师曾用“家里着火”的比喻，说明人在面对心中怒火时的选择。如果你家的房子着火了，你究竟是先救火，还是先抓贼呢？大多数人会说，先救火，因为要把家里的损失降到最小。可是，当我们愤怒的时候，却忘了这个简单的道理。我们总是竭尽全力，去惩罚“让”我们生气的那个人，却没有照看自己的“家”，更不可能照看自己的伤口。愤怒，甚至还让自己多了伤口。
因此，当我们生气的时候，需要立即做的，不是去“追杀”、“消灭”让你生气的人，而是坐下来照看自己的伤口——对自己慈悲。
首先，我们要容许自己体验到愤怒。最简单的做法，就是承认自己真的生气了。即使“让”我们生气的那个人对我们有恩，我们也有理由生气。我们可以对同一个人既感激又生气。如果我们不承认自己生气，就会耗费大量的精力，就会压制自己的情绪。愤怒变成冰封之火，就会愈演愈烈，更加痛苦，并且还可能会以其他形式表现出来。
……

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