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Jingdong book

NLP亲子智慧

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NLP亲子智慧

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作为父母,任何事业的成功都比不上孩子教育的失败,但是教育孩子,光有爱还不够,还要懂得如何去爱。孩子的成长有其自身的特点和规律,我们必须加以学习,容不得无证驾驶、摸索前进。
教育孩子要跟得上时代的发展,摒弃落后的教育观念,重复旧的做法只会得到旧的结果。任何创新的方法都会比固有的多一分成功的机会。本书是国内首部将NLP和萨提亚亲子课程系统化、本土化的亲子关系全面技巧著作,它没有太多的理论和说教,更多的是一些实用性的技巧和方法。每年都有成千上万的父母因NLP获得心灵的成长和有效的改变,相信下一个改变的就是你。父母改变一点点,孩子成长一大步。
NLP亲子智慧》适用于孩子家长、学校老师,以及所有对亲子教育感兴趣的人员阅读。

Author Description

张修兵:青少年成长教育专家,一线实战派NLP亲子导师,贝斯特教育事业机构创办人,首席讲师;在2008年中国商务策划师年会上被评为中国十大商务策划精英,凭借着在策划创意方面的天赋,自2009年开始,便一直致力于育少年成长教育课程的研究和开发,是将NLP亲自课程统化、本土化的讲师之一,为NLP和萨提亚等国外先进的亲子教育理念在中国的传播做出了突出贡献。

Catalogue

第一章 NLP基础知识
教育孩子,我们要做到知其然,并知其所以然。不能只懂方法或模仿他人的成功教子经验,还要知道方法的理论基础和适用条件。这样,不管以后遇到什么问题,都可以做到举一反三、灵活应对。

第一节 什么是NLP /3
第二节 NLP意识和潜意识 /7
第三节 NLP理解层次 /11
第四节 最具破坏力的三个信念 /19
第五节 NLP卓越父母的信念系统 /24
第二章 孩子的成长特点
养育孩子,其实并不困难,我们只需要遵循一些简单而重要的规则就可以了。当了解了孩子的心理特点,发现了他们的成长规律,我们就可以实现“做正确的事”,而NLP的各种技巧就是让你“用正确的方法做事”。

第一节 孩子成长的几个关键时期 /35
第二节 孩子的性格和行为特征 /42
第三节 了解孩子的学习类型 /52
第四节 男孩和女孩的教育区别 /60
第三章 卓越的思维模式
面对问题,思想决定行为,角度决定态度。教育孩子,方法的落后源于观念的落后,改变观念最快速、最有效的办法就是改变思维。我们可以通过学习和模仿卓越人士的思维模式让自己变得更加卓越。

第一节 重定意义,没有问题行为 /69
第二节 重定因果,孩子没有问题 /74
第三节 重定焦点,改变不好的行为习惯 /79
第四节 重定立场,做智慧父母 /87
第四章 NLP专业技巧
NLP专业技巧,又叫潜意识沟通技巧。正所谓“明枪易躲,暗箭难防”,潜意识沟通具有“随风潜入夜,润物细无声”的良好效果,能让孩子在潜移默化中发生改变。

第一节 NLP心锚技巧,管理孩子的情绪 /95
第二节 NLP隐喻技巧,用故事来教育孩子 /100
第三节 NLP换框法,快速改变思想的技巧 /107
第四节 暂停技巧,让失控的孩子冷静下来 /113
第五节 NLP快速亲和力技巧 /117
第六节 先跟后带,引导孩子与父母合作 /122
第七节 身心合一,让孩子自觉、自发 /126
第八节 比较技巧,正确的比较让孩子更自信 /129
第五章 NLP语言的使用技巧
语言是思维的载体,人类表达自我的方式。在沟通时,我们可以通过语言接受对方的信息,洞察对方的内心世界;同样地,我们也可以通过发挥语言的威力来影响对方,以达到沟通的目的。

第一节 NLP语言的威力 /135
第二节 NLP正面宣言的威力 /139
第三节 NLP魔法语言 /146
第四节 NLP上推下切技巧 /153
第六章 NLP应用技巧、赞赏和责罚
美好的东西让人回味无穷,丑陋的东西让人胆战心惊。孩子天生追求快乐,逃避痛苦。赞美和奖励可以让孩子产生美好的心境,留下美好的回忆,激励孩子不断前进。

第一节 有效赞美孩子的技巧 /161
第二节 孩子犯错,批评还是指导 /168
第三节 有效奖励孩子的技巧 /175
第四节 孩子犯错,要不要惩罚 /179
第七章 NLP应用技巧、响应和建议
孩子生来就是一块玉,正所谓“玉不琢,不成器”。如果你手里的工具是一把斧头,而不是一把精美的刻刀,那么结果就可能会让你失望。本章的NLP技巧就好比一把精美的刻刀,面对孩子,让你做到胸有成竹、游刃有余。

第一节 梦想需要支持,需求必须限制 /187
第二节 情绪可以宽容,行为必须限制 /192
第三节 响应和建议孩子的技巧 /197
第四节 肯定和引导孩子的技巧 /209
第五节 引导孩子独立自主的技巧 /217

附录A 《爸爸去哪儿》个案分析 /223
附录B 张修兵经典语录 /233
参考文献 /240

Introduction

教育孩子,光有爱还不够
著名电影导演黑泽明说过一句名言:你可以征服世界,但你不一定能征服你的家乡!同样,你可以指挥千军万马,但你未必能叫动你的孩子办一件小事。为什么?原因很简单,因为你不懂如何面对一个孩子,或许你从未学过如何教育孩子!
每个孩子都是一粒种子,天生孕育了巨大的能量。养育孩子,其实并不需要花费太多精力,只需要在适当的时候给予他所需要的营养。就像一棵小树一样,在适当的时候给它浇水,它自然就会朝着有阳光的方向生长。作为父母,我们要做的就是了解孩子成长的特点,在不同的时期给予他们所需要的各种营养。比如,有的孩子不太听话,有的孩子不爱说话,其实这些都不是问题行为,而是孩子的性格表现。性格没有好坏,只是不同而已,我们要了解孩子的性格类型,然后选择有针对性的养育方式,支持他们自然而独特地成长。
教育孩子,光有爱还不够,还要有技巧和方法。每个孩子生来就是一块玉,正所谓“玉不琢,不成器”,如果你手里的工具是一把斧头,而不是一把精美的刻刀,那么玉就可能会变成石头,失去了原有的价值。我们经常会看到有些父母用不当的方式教育孩子,让孩子过分委屈和过分承担责任。面对孩子的反抗,父母有时只能仰天长叹,变得有心无力,于是就会时常出现“打在儿身,痛在母心”的无奈之举。我想没有父母愿意这么做,只是当下没有更好的方法。
教育孩子,光有方法还不够,还要“知其然,并知其所以然”。我们学习的任何一个理论和方法都有其成立的条件,也有其不成立的环境,只学习方法,或一味地模仿他人都是不行的。为什么大河向东流,司马光会砸缸?方法之所以有效,是因为水往低处流这个原理。教育孩子也一样,只有方法还不够,还要知道方法背后的原理,这样,以后遇到类似问题,你才能做到灵活运用,才会有更多的选择。比如,孩子不学习,你就惩罚,结果孩子越来越不爱学习,原因是孩子天生追求快乐,逃避痛苦,若我们经常将学习和惩罚连接在一起,孩子自然会选择逃避,问题就会越来越严重。
大多数父母由于忙于工作而疏忽自己的孩子,进而错过最佳的引导教育时机,最终使不良习惯初见端倪或积重难返。这些不良习惯随着孩子的成长越来越让父母揪心。父母手中的法宝早已用尽,如今似乎已经是无计可施,怎么办?放任自流?于心何忍!力挽狂澜?但又感觉江郎才尽!担心、忧郁、焦虑、困惑……孩子的成长似乎已经不是他们一个人的事情了,这也成了广大父母的一块心病。
NLP源于美国,如今已风靡世界,被誉为人类智慧的DNA,大脑的“使用手册”。它是在完形治疗的基础上,结合艾瑞克森催眠疗法和萨提亚家庭疗法形成的一门高端心理学。在国内外,每年都有成千上万的人通过学习NLP获得心灵的成长和有效的改变。
然而,目前在国内还没有一本系统的、本土化的NLP书籍,而参加香港NLP大师在国内开设的课程需要四五万元,且大多在广州,这使得一些家长只能望而却步。作为一个一线教育工作者,我觉得爱需要传递,好东西应该分享,编辑出版本书的目的就是让更多的父母有机会、有能力学习这门实用性和操作性都比较强的高端心理学课程。本书融合了NLP执行师、亲子关系和萨提亚亲子关系课程的精华,并结合了中国的实际情况,是一本真正意义上的NLP亲子关系全面技巧著作。
NLP虽然是一门高端心理学课程,但并不代表它是一门难学的课程。NLP的实用性在于它是一门小学生不会觉得深奥,大学教授也不会觉得肤浅的学问。尤其是这本亲子关系书,都是经过本土化改造的,文章内容通俗易懂、案例丰富,更加适合中国人的生活背景和阅读习惯。
本书没有太多理论和说教,更多的是一些实用性比较强的技巧和方法,告诉父母如何才能成为一个卓越的父母,孕育卓越的种子。除此之外,本书的与众不同之处还在于,它不是在阐述一两个重要的教育观点,也不是哪位家长的个人教子经验,而是在向大家介绍一门先进的教育技术——它有原理可以研究,有规律可以学习,有方法可以复制。
多年的学习和实践经验让我清楚地认识到:教育孩子不仅是一门科学,更是一门艺术,每个家长都应该从头学起,容不得无证驾驶、摸索前进。
NLP认为,有效果比有道理更重要,重复旧的做法只能得到旧的结果。这是一个崭新的时代,与过去相比,孩子的成长环境已经发生了很大变化,因此我们的教育观念也需要适时地调整,应做到与时代同步、与国际接轨。
父母改变一点点,孩子成长一大步;今日的种子,明日的大树。

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Jingdong book