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Jingdong book

王安忆长篇小说系列:纪实与虚构

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王安忆长篇小说系列:纪实与虚构

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《王安忆长篇小说系列:纪实与虚构》是王安忆的一部自传式的作品。她运用交叉的形式轮番叙述两个世界。历史,是她的纵向关系,这是一种生命性质的关系,跃马横戈的古代漠北,英雄气十足。她的血缘来自那里。社会,是她的横向关系,这则是一种人生性质的关系,它错综复杂,盘根错节。历史的纵向的关系如一棵树,社会的横向的关系如一圈一圈荡漾的水波。纵横穿插,构成这部厚重的作品。
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有时候我也认真地问过自己,为什么会有这样强烈的孤独感?想到后来,我就把矛头指向了楼上那老是在阳台上窥伺我们的阿太,我心怀成见地认为,我的孤独感全是她一手造成的。很早以来,她就用慈爱的口吻对我说,她曾经带着我去过老城隍庙,当时我坐在一架童车里,她推着我,就这样去了老城隍庙。我觉得她是在暗示我,去老城隍庙这样的重要旅行是由她率领的,因此我应当对她感激不尽。而我却并不领情,相反还觉得阿太把我的老城隍庙之行弄得过于草率了。我矢口否认有这次经历,她便进一步说,曾给我买过什么样的吃食,而我又是如何欢欣鼓舞,手舞足蹈。她把我描绘得这样没有见识,伤害了我的自尊,我便咬死了说没有这样的事。保姆她打圆场说:她一定是忘了;阿太却说:她没有忘。她这样确信老城隍庙之行于我意义深刻,用意是在强调我的严重缺课。凡是在此城市里生活的人们,话里总要提及老城隍庙。星期天,许多家长带了孩子去老城隍庙,还有大世界,还有静安寺,还有大自鸣钟。我们的父母带我们去电影院看描写战争与建设的影片,去公园看动物,去某某会堂和“同志们”举行联欢活动。像老城隍庙,大世界,静安寺,大自鸣钟这样的名字,对我来说,包含有一种秘闻般的奇特内容,是上海这城市的秘闻。阿太总是有意地在我面前提到这些地名,看着我的眼睛,好像在问:去不去?我故意不看她的眼睛,不搭她的话茬。她还常常以纠正我的用语习惯,来对我的孤独处境进行强调。在我们的使用普通话为语言的家庭中,对事物的命名称谓往往是一种书面化的,并且是具新时代特征的书面化用语。比如我说:昨天我们去吃西餐;阿太就说:你们昨天吃大菜去了?还比如我说:妈妈到办公室去了;她就一定要说:妈妈到写字间去了?她以强调语言的不同来强调我们外来户的身分。有时候,她心情好,又正遇上我性子比较和顺的时候,她就领我上楼去玩。她让我参观她家的红木家具,床上铺的台湾席,一摞配有铜锁的樟木箱。下楼再回到我们家里,看着我们家从单位租借来的白木家具,便觉得又寒碜,又临时,好像我们在这个城市只是来歇歇脚的,歇过了马上就要开拔似的,而在我内心里,却早已一厢情愿地和上海这城市认同了。这便是我的痛苦所在。阿太还送我一个旧的八音盒,粉红的底上描着草叶花纹,打开盖子,便响起叮咚的乐声,这首乐曲后来我知道就是大名鼎鼎的《圣母颂》。这个八音盒在当天晚上,就被下班回家的母亲让保姆上楼去送还了。我隐隐地感觉到,母亲和阿太之间的关系很微妙,凭着我的聪敏和小心眼儿,我还感觉到,阿太对我做的一切其实是做给母亲看的,这就使我对她更加反感。送回八音盒的第二天,阿太在阳台上看着母亲走出家门,就下楼来故意压低声音对我说:来,给你玩八音盒。我很有骨气地回答:不要玩!
……

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