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你可以拥有你想要的生活

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★写给那些“想要去追梦”,
★或者“正在迷茫,不知道怎么办”的家伙。
Content Description

当你开始奋斗,做一些什么的时候,自然会遭遇挫折和失败。失败并不是因为追求自己想要的生活,而是“没有使用正确的方法”。
期待能够过上幸福的生活,必须拥有能力。这个能力包含了不放弃的精神,逻辑思考能力,判断是非的能力,道德底线等等。
心灵鸡汤说“努力就好”,残酷的是,就连努力、情绪稳定、甚至阅读能力,都是需要我们在后天学习而来的。举个例子:你的目标是打开一个罐头,但却选择塑料勺子作为工具,所以必然会失败。打开罐头这个事情没有错,问题在于没有使用正确的工具。
我想心灵鸡汤就是负责鼓吹怎么用勺子打开罐头,而我更希望和大家讨论“如何找到合适的工具”。
写给那些“想要去追梦”,或者“正在迷茫,不知道怎么办”的家伙。这个也是我最早想写《你可以拥有你想要的生活》的初衷,我希望和其他人分享我的感受与经验,与大家一起,过上自己想要的生活。
Author Description

艾小玛,喜欢艺术,食物,阅读,语言学习,古典音乐。
我自认为是一个才疏学浅的人,既不能为任何人输送三观,也无力去指导别人的人生。但是,我又觉得帮助他人是重要的。所以,我写作更多是出于探讨与分享的心情。我所相信的事情是,每个人在世上都有自己要走的路。不同的选择,不同的德性将会造就不同的结果,但愿人人都能完成自己的使命,找到归家的路。
Catalogue

chapter 01 ◆ P.002
你到底想要什么样的人生
chapter 02 ◆ P.008
就这样,做好每一道人生选择题
chapter 03 ◆ P.015
不要去奋斗,而是要去热爱
chapter 04 ◆ P.019
要放眼未来,也要活在当下
chapter 05 ◆ P.025
写给大龄青年的人生夜话
chapter 06 ◆ P.032
工作,是一件可以改变人生的事情
chapter 07 ◆ P.038
让我们来聊聊职业规划
chapter 08 ◆ P.046
时间管理:
如何把二十四小时变成四十八小时
chapter 09 ◆ P.055
如何快速有效地克服拖延症
chapter 10 ◆ P.062
社交圈的真相
chapter 11 ◆ P.068
聊聊职场政治和人际关系
chapter 12 ◆ P.075
如何变成“会说话的人”
chapter 13 ◆ P.082
如何面对他人的批评
chapter 14 ◆ P.087
听父母的,还是听自己的
chapter 15 ◆ P.093
如何让别人觉得
你是一个有价值的人
chapter 16 ◆ P.098
你比你想象的更加特别
chapter 17 ◆ P.103
外貌以外的东西也很重要
chapter 18 ◆ P.108
你真的没必要调整心态
chapter 19 ◆ P.112
真诚是唯一珍贵的品质
chapter 20 ◆ P.119
要赚钱,就要放弃理想主义吗
你可以拥有你想要的生活_146x210mm.indd 4 15/5/23 11:29
chapter 21 ◆ P.125
跟流氓在一起,要不要变成他们
chapter 22 ◆ P.130
任何你不懂的东西都叫作装逼
chapter 23 ◆ P.135
绝不向低标准妥协的理由
chapter 24 ◆ P.140
追寻梦想,不能以牺牲他人为代价
chapter 25 ◆ P.146
做不好的事情,就不要做好了
chapter 26 ◆ P.152
既然选错,那就必须重来
chapter 27 ◆ P.157
重要的不是你不想做什么,
而是你想做什么
chapter 28 ◆ P.162
我的生活不需要你来指导
chapter 29 ◆ P.168
请不要打断任何人的脊梁
chapter 30 ◆ P.172
意淫也是一种动力
chapter 31 ◆ P.177
你为什么总找不到恋爱对象
chapter 32 ◆ P.185
有原则的人,才配得到爱与尊重
chapter 33 ◆ P.190
让恋爱技巧,滚一边去吧
chapter 34 ◆ P.196
爱情中的仪式感
chapter 35 ◆ P.201
放过前任,就是放过自己
chapter 36 ◆ P.206
要不要原谅犯错的恋人
chapter 37 ◆ P.211
如何逃离一段糟糕的恋情
chapter 38 ◆ P.216
如何判断TA 是不是
靠谱的另一半
chapter 39 ◆ P.223
如何判断TA 是不是真的爱你
chapter 40 ◆ P.228
屌丝青年的逆袭指南
chapter 41 ◆ P.236
男人,就是管不住的呀
chapter 42 ◆ P.242
异地恋的目标是为了什么
Book Abstract

(职场中的坚持)
坚持是一种很棒的品质,但“坚持”和“撞墙的愚蠢”只有一线之隔。
前段日子,由于工作缘故,我和不少创业者进行了近距离接触。其中有一些创业者,卖房卖车卖媳妇嫁妆,苦苦坚持了五六年,仍然一贫如洗,毫无起色。他们认为自己坚持得还不够,实际上,他们只是麻木地不断撞墙,去做一件完全不可能的事情。
职场是同样的道理,有人辛苦很久,却做着一件完全不适台自己的事情,或者用不对的方法去做事儿,是不可能有好结果的。除了累成狗,你什么都得不到。
对于大部分人而言(请忽略凡·高之流的小概率事件),如果你在某个事情上有天赋,很快就会被肯定,做出一点儿成绩。如果你做了很久,仍然发现不顺手,没有收获,不被肯定,赚不到钱,就应该好好想想,问题是否出在自己的天赋上。事实上,怀疑自我确实挺难受的,但总比相信一个幻觉强多了。
坚持会有好结果,前提是,你坚持的东西是对的。成功人士不是突然之间变成功的,而是他们真的一天比一天变得更好,一天比一天获得更多的认可。
期待前面1W小时都被吐槽,1W小时以后突然就被夸奖,成为大牛?不可能的,咱们还是醒醒吃个炸鸡腿吧。
(规划是没有意义的,除非行动起来)
规划是一张地图,是一个闹钟。
它提醒你目标,你所处的位置。
它定时告诉你,是时候努力奋斗了。
它是有误差的,需要时时修改。
它是旅途中重要的一步,防止你变得迷茫失落。
它听起来那么高大上,那么不明觉厉,但是规划本身是没有任何意义的,至少,解决不了你的生存和经济状况。
当你做好规划后,请把它贴在笔记本里,然后……然后……行动起来!
……
Introduction

最性感的生活方式
这本书的名字叫作《你可以拥有你想要的生活》。光看到这个名字,我相信,有许多人都会跳出来驳斥和指责我,因为在现实的情况下,绝大多数人都不可能拥有自己想要的生活,哪怕他勤奋努力,加班吃盒饭,也可能在35岁的时候依然是个无房、无车、无户口的悲催小职员。我是同意这个观点的。无数人穷其一生,都无法获得自己想要的生活。甚至,你努力并不见得会被公正对待,属于你的位置仍然会被“有关系”的人所占据。
在这样残酷的现实情况中,人们的心脏变得坚硬麻木,开始使用娱乐化的态度来对待生活。从“认真你就输了”到“233333”。善意和同情变成愚蠢的代名词,企业欺骗顾客,穷人则嘲笑更穷的人“你活得苦是因为不努力”,弱者不帮助彼此而选择去践踏更弱的人;至于勇气,则会被斥责为“不做死不会死”。闷声发大财才是永恒的真理,尽管相信这条真理的人从来没有发过财……出于种种难以言说的原因,许多人被迫或自愿地放弃了严肃思考;然而,放弃严肃思考将会带来致命的后果——精神世界的坍塌,取而代之的是永远无法填满的虚无与迷茫。
这里所说的严肃思考,并不是指古板得像个八十岁老头。严肃思考是追问自身,审视环境,找出深陷困境的原因;严肃思考是不畏惧未知,是拨开迷雾、是看清正义与邪恶;严肃思考是绝望生活中的阳光,它授予光明与智慧,让你找到立场与底线。娱乐化的语言和放纵的生活态度,即使不去捍卫也会长久盛行;而勇气、正义感、善良、同情心、严肃思考,这些稀罕而宝贵的品格,稍加不慎则将会被彻底埋葬。
我知道世界不是粉红色的。
有人在出生的时候就拥有很好的资源,所以就算选错,也很容易有重来的机会;有人却拥有得很少,注定要一个人打拼奋斗。我不知道你是后者还是前者,如果是前者,那么,可以尝试帮助“没有那么多优势”的人。如果你是后者,请不要太早就退缩或放弃,它并不意味着你就没有追寻幸福的权利。
对于没有资源的年轻人,想要实现自己想要的生活、梦想是极其不容易的。出身和家境会限制一个人的眼界,而被限制的眼界又会形成认知和性格上的偏差,所以,这样的年轻人在进入社会后需要花费大量的精力去修正自己。从修正自我到抵达梦想,这注定是一条崎岖而充满挑战的道路,你不仅要知道自己想要什么,还要知道如何一步一步地走过去,并且要不断地打磨升级自己的技能包;你既需要站在高端看全局,也要深入每个细节。在这条道路上,你会摔跤、会流泪、会想要退缩。在深陷无奈之时,严肃思考就是慰藉心灵最好的工具,它让你看清楚自己的处境和危机,也让你找到新的机会。娱乐化的言语和放纵的生活态度教会你麻醉意识,躲避困境;而思考则是一条牢靠的绳索,将你从万丈深渊中引领而出。
作为作者,我希望写一些能够引发读者思考的文字。我不想写人生厚黑学,励志鸡血,或者告诉你世界很美好,只要努力就会有回报。在最开始写这个专栏的时候,我就是怀着较为严肃的态度进行撰稿,我希望能给深陷迷茫困境的读者一些思考的动力。如果这本书能够重新点燃你对生活的勇气和善意,那么,这将是我莫大的荣幸。
谢谢所有的读者,希望你们能够愉快,也希望你们都能按照自己的意愿去生活。忠于自我,心怀善意,这就是我认为的最最最性感的生活方式。

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