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陪孩子走过中学六年

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陪孩子走过中学六年

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《陪孩子走过中学六年》从亲子、价值、性格、兴趣、心灵、社交6个方面,深入分析中学生成长过程中可能遇到的45个典型问题,与家长一起寻找问题的根源,提供心理分析及建议,探讨解决之道,旨在帮助家长更好地与孩子沟通,拉近家长与孩子之间的距离,帮助孩子形成健康的心理和健全的人格。
Author Description

李媛媛,曾任中学教师多年,如今是孩子的母亲和心理学专家,资深心理、情感、女性、教育、亲子专题撰稿人,长期关注中学生心理健康及行为养成、压力释放与情绪管理,青少年教育等领域。已出版《完美婚姻魔法书——36堂幸福选修课》《幸福婚姻策略书——30条保家卫婚攻心汁》《好妈妈的快乐放养》《懒妈散养学前娃》等图书。
Catalogue

第一章 爱要说出口,精心经营亲子关系
1.孩子拒绝与父母沟通怎么办
2.与孩子平等相待,互相尊重
3.破裂的亲情何去何从
4.别让出走成习惯
5.离异家庭的亲子关系
6.再婚家庭如何重建亲情
7.教孩子接纳成长,承担责任
8.陪孩子走出阴霾,活在当下

第二章 在日常生活中塑造孩子的价值观
1.富二代的少爷病
2.女生有偿陪伴
3.虚荣、攀比、拼爹
4.勿以恶小而为之
5.用积极暗示救赎自我
6.高中生做生意
7.教孩子选择榜样,务实进取

第三章 做个更好的人
1.接触生活,才能了解生活
2.学会适应,珍惜拥有
3.做乐于分享、与人为善的人
4.做有能力、更有德行的人
5.学会调整压力,接纳变化
6.学会善意评价和自我平衡
7.做性格通达、柔韧的人
8.学会独立思考,消除偏见
9.逆境生存,急流勇进
10.懂得与人为善,团队协作

第四章 玩物不丧志,让孩子更快乐
1.网络过度依赖
2.远离暴力文化产品
3.戒除毒瘾,瓦解虚无
4.消极、懒散、厌学的解决方法
5.用美好的音乐滋养心灵

第五章 让孩子的心灵强壮起来
1.虚无、厌世、自杀
2.沉湎于性冲动
3.敏感、多疑、孤僻
4.人际交往障碍
5.焦虑、抑郁情绪
6.紧张、强迫行为
7.恐怖、恐惧、恐慌情绪

第六章 重视孩子的人际关系
1.私奔的女生
2.网络交友须谨慎
3.拒绝偏激
4.校园帮派非儿戏
5.近朱者赤
6.和好老师做朋友
7.感恩的心
Book Abstract

孩子拒绝与父母沟通怎么办 小文是个性格内向的女生,能正常与人相处,也 会和父母聊天, 说些学校的事。初中二年级时,她被一个初三男孩追 求,有人从中穿 针引线。小文本来并不想交往,但收到男孩写的信后 觉得这个男孩文 采不错,也很真诚,男孩是班里的体育委员,学习成 绩很好,于是小 文就以“认识一下也没关系”的心态接受了男孩的邀 请,他们一起去 公园散步,一起吃午饭,放学后一起写作业。小文和 男孩之间最亲密 的举动就是拉拉手。
有一次,男孩轻轻地亲了小文一下,小文害羞而 忐忑地把这件事 写在了电脑日记里。结果小文妈妈用电脑的时候发现 了,立刻如临大 敌,跑到学校找到那个男孩一顿呵斥,又找到男孩的 班主任老师要求 男孩的家长管教其孩子的“流氓行为”。事情很快沸 沸扬扬传开,同 学们都说小文和男孩同居了,甚至还谣传小文去医院 堕过胎。小文在 学校羞愤难当,抬不起头来,特别是经常有淘气的男 生对她吹口哨, 而女生们则冷嘲热讽地说她“假纯真”,小文感到被 深深地伤害了, 她和男孩不再来往,男孩也转学了。
小文每天默默地上学放学,在学校里沉默寡言, 也不回答老师的 问题,回家后不和母亲说一句话。父亲从外地赶回来 ,问小文话,小 文一声不吭地流泪。开始父母以为孩子只是一时想不 开,但半年过去 了,小文始终不和父母说话,放了假就把自己关在房 间里还反锁房门。
时间久了,小文的父母发现孩子的异常,非常担心她 做出极端的事, 不知如何是好。
回想我们上学的时候,也会对异性同学有朦胧的 好感。是的,谁 没年轻过呢?我知道今非昔比,如今的校园环境和社 会环境都与20 年前大不相同,但我们不能因此就认定:只要孩子有 亲密的异性朋友, 他们就一定是“不正当关系”。什么才是“正当关系 ”?青春期的少年 彼此心生好感是自然的,处理得当这种情感会成为美 好的回忆,处理 不当会生出不良后果,在这个案例中母亲有不够理智 的地方,处理问 题缺乏思考。小文和男生的交往确如其母亲所担心的 ,会发展出多种 可能,幸亏流言仅仅是流言,如果流言成真的话,伤 害会更大。我们 爱孩子,不希望孩子受伤害,但孩子在一天天长大, 不能永远在父母 的翅膀下。父母接纳孩子的变化,也要给孩子潜移默 化的引导。
孩子和父母之间要有健康而通畅的沟通,这不仅 是孩子的需要, 也是父母的需要。孩子从父母那里得到建议,父母也 从孩子那里得到 信息,增进了解,使彼此感情融洽,才能更好地处理 问题。很多父母 发现孩子上中学后不再像小学时那样乐于讲述学校的 事,也不像过去 那样兴高采烈地描述班里同学的情况,父母问一点儿 ,得到孩子敷衍 的答复,再追问,孩子就厌烦了。
孩子真的是故意拒绝与父母沟通吗?为什么孩子 过去很喜欢和父 母聊天,后来却逐渐变成了“一问三不知”或者“问 三句答一句”? 做父母的需要先反思一下自己一直以来是如何回应孩 子的话题的。
有的父母在外忙碌一天,回到家还要做家务,上 有老人下有子女, 难免力不从心。当孩子高兴地宣布“今天足球赛3:l 胜利”时,我 们可能习惯性地说:“那有什么用,又进不了国家队 ,踢足球能找到好 工作吗?”这样的回应挫伤了孩子的积极性,既然父 母不肯分享喜悦, 那就是“没有共同语言”,孩子将逐渐不再主动和父 母交流。有个孩 子遇到了困难,向母亲求助:“妈妈,班里有个男生 老找我碴儿,可 讨厌了。”母亲则想当然地回应:“你不会告诉老师 吗?你都这么大了, 人家欺负你,你不会反击吗?”其实孩子的话还没说 完,也可能那个 男生不是“找碴儿”,而是在“变相追求”,孩子正 犹豫如何处理,想 请家长帮忙分析呢。家长没有认真倾听孩子讲述来龙 去脉,也没有坐 下来真诚地帮孩子分析,只是用想当然的逻辑教训了 孩子,孩子感到 父母不理解自己,还说“风凉话”,于是孩子索性接 受追求,找个人 听自己说话也好,她也可能会参加个小团体、小帮派 来“保护自己”。
孩子带着情绪回家,如果家长疏于观察,或者发现了 也不过问,认为 孩子没说就算了,就会拉开自己与孩子的心灵距离, 孩子会越来越不 想和父母交流。由此可见,不是孩子拒绝和父母沟通 ,而是我们的回 应方式让孩子做出应激反应。孩子的沉默是对自己尊 严的保护,也是 疏远父母的开始。
我们要怎样和孩子沟通,怎样解决沟通障碍呢? 首先,关于青春期少年对父母的一些选择性拒绝 ,或者在沟通上 对一些话题的回避,既有青春期逆反的成分,也有孩 子成人意识觉醒 的成分,对他们的选择要给些宽容,给点儿时间。孩 子说:“我和你 没什么好说的,说了你也不明白。”我们可以回答: “是啊,你长大了, 有心事了,妈妈只是关心你,如果你不想说也没关系 ,随时想谈都可 以找我。”也可以说:“好的,我明白了,没问题, 你可以自己决定说 或者不说,假如需要我做什么,就告诉我。”
……

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