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【繁體】不需要,就是九成煩惱的解藥

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KingStone

【繁體】不需要,就是九成煩惱的解藥

Name: 【繁體】不需要,就是九成煩惱的解藥
Brand: KingStone
SKU: 3136009811
Price: 22.98 USD
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最深入人心的心靈導師，何權峰醫師最新力作
49個可以瞬間改變心情的超有效想法，現在就趕快來試試

為什麼你一定要得到某個東西？一定要改變某人？
一定要如此成功完美？一定要事事如意？
當你「不需要」，會失去什麼？
你會失去的唯一東西就是痛苦而已。

想想看，你為某事生氣，為什麼生氣？是不是你沒得到預期的東西；或者你想做某件事，某人阻撓了你，你的欲望受到阻礙，你才生氣？
當你想改變某人某事，結果還是老樣子，你就失望受挫；你想得到某些東西，或是怕失去它們，你就會擔憂恐懼、患得患失，對嗎？
簡言之，只要不欲求，不期待，那麼你的煩惱就會消失。

瞬間改變心情甚至人生的關鍵語：

#別妄想所有的人都喜歡你，那是不可能的。你也不是喜歡這世上的所有人，怎麼可能所有人都喜歡你？

#家人才是最真實的，對待家人的態度，顯示一個人真實的人品。家人才是最重要的，把家人當作最重要的客戶來經營，家庭必定和樂。

#沒有人有權利要求別人，也沒有人有義務要對你勞心勞力，有人願意是你的福氣。付出要自己心甘情願，得到要像是走在路上不小心撿到寶。

#當你對某人的言行感到不解或不悅的時候，你應該問的是，你認同這個人嗎？你認同他的態度、認同他的行為嗎？如果不認同，那他要怎麼樣又與你何干？

#要讓別人對你感興趣，那就先從自己對別人感興趣開始。一雙願意聆聽的耳朵，遠比一張說話的嘴巴受歡迎。

前言　「不需要」，就是解藥 002

Part 1／　正面心態，不期待
這樣也好 012
學會隨緣自在 016
不需要每個人都喜歡我 020
接受別人與自己不同 023
放下期待，不強求 027
把家人當外人 030
我應得，我多得 034

Part 2／　練習對無法操之在我的事放手
你認同這個人嗎？ 038
那不干你的事 042
我在管誰的事？ 045
順其自然就好 049
擔憂沒有用 052
相信一切都會變得更好 056
做你能做的，然後放輕鬆 060

Part 3／　多一點笑容，少一點你死我活
做仁慈的人，而非對的人 066
多聽少說，常點頭 070
多一點讚美，少一點批評 074
選擇愛而非恐懼 078
回到一開始，當最後一次 082
「練習」快樂 086
在生活中修行 090

Part 4／　生活可以用心，但不必多心
面對批評，你可以「已讀不回」 096
那又怎樣 100
把想法寫下來 104
傾聽內心，正視你想要的 108
一天的難處，一天當 112
全神專注於手上的事 116
不要緊，一切都會過去 120

Part 5／　情緒作主，快樂作陪
把「我得」變成「我想」 126
把「等待的時間」變成「自己的時間」 129
遠離會消耗你的人 133
停止怪罪他人 137
壞消息／好消息 141
雖不如意也可以快樂 145
美好要融入，煩惱要抽離 149

Part 6／　享受慢活，生活更快活
我已經足夠，我覺得很滿足 154
少一點，簡單點 157
多一點感恩，少一點抱怨 161
定期「清垃圾」 165
放慢腳步，用心感受 168
我想要，我只要 171
不要等為時已晚 175

Part 7／　別忘了，那個微笑的自己
把對方想像成小孩 180
回想開心、美好的事 184
對自己感到滿意 188
保持一顆童心 192
坦然面對挫折失敗 195
分享喜悅，散播快樂 200
美好入睡，開心起床 204

內容試閱

序文「不需要」，就是解藥

如果你檢查一下憤怒、恐懼和問題，你會發現它們永遠是奠基於欲望。包含所有你期待的、你想擁有的、你想改變的、你希望得到的。

想想看，你為某事生氣，為什麼生氣？是不是你沒得到預期的東西；或者你想做某件事，某人阻撓了你，你的欲望受到阻礙，你才生氣？

當你想改變某人某事，結果還是老樣子，你就失望受挫；你想得到某些東西，或是怕失去它們，你就會擔憂恐懼、患得患失，對嗎？

簡言之，只要不欲求，不期待，那麼你的煩惱就會消失。
*
有了這樣的領悟，這些年，我不再期待別人應該怎麼對我，同事應該瞭解我的苦心，老闆應該知道我們的努力，孩子應該聽我的話，伴侶應該配合我……當我們期望對方這麼做、要求就會變多。自己若這麼想，對方自然也會那麼想。由於指望他人，當期望落空時，就會產生埋怨、不悅的情緒。

我和太太已經講好，只要嘴巴或腦海裡出現：「他（她）應該！」立刻提醒自己：「不需要！」此後我們幾乎沒爭吵過，也從未因管教子女問題起衝突。

當你看到某人沒聽你的話，你不會生氣，因為你「不需要」他聽你的。

當你沒有得到某人肯定，你不會受傷，因為你「不需要」他的肯定。

當你沒得到你想要的東西，你不會難過，因為你「不需要」得到它。

想過嗎？為什麼你一定要得到某個東西？一定要改變某人？一定要如此成功完美？一定要心想事成、萬事如意？當你「不需要」，會失去什麼？你會失去的唯一東西就是痛苦而已。

像前陣子有一則新聞，某個演唱會門票瘋狂熱賣，搶票爭執不斷，甚至有人因此大打出手，而我沒興趣，如同生菜沙拉之於老虎——「不需要」，就是解藥。

*

想起《開心遊戲》書裡有位小女孩波麗安娜。

生活窮困的波麗安娜很想要一個洋娃娃，可是當牧師的父親買不起，只好寫信給教友，希望有人能捐獻一個洋娃娃給波麗安娜。可是當捐獻物資送到時，裡面沒有洋娃娃，只有一根小柺杖。波麗安娜非常地失望！就是從這個時候開始，父親教她玩「開心遊戲」。開心遊戲是父親送給波麗安娜最珍貴的人生禮物！會玩這個遊戲，無論發生什麼事，都可以找到開心的理由。

當然，她們找到了：「原來我不需要它，一樣也可以很開心！」是的，重點就在這裡。想活得快樂，不是要得到欲求的東西，而是要讓自己「沒它也行」，千萬不要認為，世界上有什麼東西是非它不可。

人要活得開心，「不需要」想太多，「不需要」太計較，「不需要」太完美，「不需要」太在意……「不需要」，就是九成煩惱的解藥。

不需要每個人都喜歡我

一位讀者問：我喜歡的男生說他不喜歡我，讓我很受傷，差點想自殺，要怎麼做，才能讓他喜歡我呢？

感情本來就無法勉強，有些人你喜歡他，他卻不喜歡你；有人喜歡你，你卻不喜歡他。就像吃東西一樣，有人喜歡魚、有人喜歡肉、有人喜歡蔬果，正所謂眾口難調。

蔬果營養高雖有益健康，但未必獲得青睞。不被喜歡，並不是你不夠好，只是自己並非對方最喜歡、渴望的。

*

有個演員曾這麼比喻，如果她去參加試鏡沒有分配到角色時，她會告訴自己：「他們要找的是蘋果，而我是梨子。」

換句話說，她並不是難吃或壞掉的蘋果，而是一顆好梨子，只不過他們當時要的是蘋果罷了。這也是我想傳達的。

當面試沒被錄用，或公司縮減被裁員，人常會感到沮喪，懷疑自我價值；當失戀，愛人另結新歡，那種沮喪就更濃烈，嚴重的甚至會令人信心全失。但事實很可能——你是水果，也許對方愛吃肉，如此而已。

仔細想想，有誰真的是人見人愛？看看一些擁有大量粉絲的明星，例如瑪丹娜、強尼戴普、小賈斯汀或是周杰倫、蔡依林，有些人喜歡他們，有些人討厭他們。即使是美國總統候選人的希拉蕊和唐納川普，也有半數的選民對他們不滿。但那又怎麼樣？我想，如果他們有誰老擔心是否人見人愛，就不會獲得愛戴了。他們都非常清楚一點是：不需要每個人都喜歡我。
*
做真實的自己，有些人會喜歡你，有人或許不會。然而，你為什麼要花時間去在意那些對你沒興趣的人呢？如果別人婉拒了，難道就表示你沒有價值嗎？還是說，是他們錯失了一生的良機？

永遠不要妄想為了討好那些不喜歡你的人而改變。因為不喜歡你的人，你變得怎樣他都不喜歡。不管你怎麼改變，也不會讓人人都滿意。

試想，如果有人愛喝可樂，不喜歡果汁；你把果汁加更多糖，或加水稀釋，他們就會喜歡嗎？不，當失去「原汁原味」，可能連喜歡果汁的人都不愛了。

別妄想所有的人都喜歡你，那是不可能的。你也不是喜歡這世上的所有人，怎麼可能所有人都喜歡你？

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