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跟自己的孩子聊得来(爸爸版)

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懂得再多的育儿道理,也不如安安心心地陪孩子聊会儿天来得实在!

一个懂得与孩子聊天的爸爸,不仅能够改变孩子无理取闹、沉迷游戏等不良习惯,还能激发孩子的自我潜能,提升自信力、创造力、学习力、表达力等。

如果你担心孩子的未来,那么就应该熟悉能够培养孩子的潜在能力的“沟通法”。


改变孩子不良习惯的“第一人称表达法”

在使用该传达法时,重要的是能直接表达出自己的想法。爸爸可以说:“因为你不打扫卫生,所以爸爸心情不好。”这种方法不仅能帮助孩子改正问题行为,而且可以强化孩子做出积极肯定行为的意识。

引导孩子深度思考的“主题对话法”

如果想提高孩子的表达能力,不能只聊一些日常话题,试着定一个主题再进行交流吧。如果爸爸太忙以致对话时间不足,也可以让做饭或者吃饭的时间成为有主题对话的机会。简单来说,爸爸是厨师,孩子来当美食节目的主持人。

提升孩子专注力的“五步对话法”

原来,传播学中的“5W”理论也适用于亲子对话,聪明的爸爸们只需要稍加改变,把“意义”改为“称赞和鼓励”,不仅可以帮助孩子养成良好的学习习惯,还能不断提升孩子的专注力。


Content Description

跟自己的孩子聊得来?

做过父母的人都有感触:跟孩子聊天谈何容易,尤其是敏感期和青春期的孩子,说着说着就变成了重复和说教,甚至会引发亲子之间的冲突。

在《跟自己的孩子聊得来》一书中,亲子教育专家田导根博士告诉我们,要想和孩子有话聊,请先检视一下自己的对话习惯吧。如果你总是冷着一张脸,孩子永远不会对你敞开心扉。

在父母教育和亲子指导的过程中,作者发现:只要愿意倾听和了解孩子,就很容易打开孩子的心门。为了促进建立良好的亲子关系,培养孩子的自信心、创造力和感性思维,他不断研究实践,终于形成了丰富的对话法。

作者提醒我们:懂得再多的育儿道理,也不如安安心心地陪孩子聊会儿天来得实在。要知道,陪孩子时间较长并与孩子互动多的人,对孩子的影响力也大。


Author Description

田导根

弘益大学终生教育政策研究所博士、庆熙大学教育科技研究所硕士。现为父母教育与子女指导讲座讲师,在韩国大各专院校、地方自治团体、教育单位、企业单位主讲。


作者发现,懂得再多的育儿道理,也不如安安心心地陪孩子聊会儿天来得实在。为了促进亲子建立良好的关系,他不断研究各种“对话法”,比如“提升孩子自信心的对话法”“激发孩子创造力的对话法”“培养孩子感性思维的对话法”,等等。


著有《自主学习习惯养成训练》《沟通高手的效率对话法》》《妈妈教你的自主学习法》《读书高手养成书》等。


Catalogue

导 读 再忙,也不耽误你做个好爸 … 001

前 言 通过与爸爸对话,孩子们会看到更大的世界 … 007

PART 1 一句话,打开孩子的心门

第一章 成为朋友般的爸爸是大势所趋

01 在与孩子的对话上,妈妈与爸爸大不相同 … 013

02 孩子的想法必定与爸爸的不同 … 016

03 爸爸的自我确认清单 … 018

04 与孩子对话之前,需要改正的一些习惯 … 021

第二章 孩子心目中的好爸爸

01 首先,要懂得聆听 … 025

02 成为孩子的最佳聊天对象 … 029

03 站在孩子的视角倾听和思考 … 031

04 留出陪伴孩子的时间 … 035

05 隐藏在孩子话语中的内心感受 … 038

06 孩子逃避对话怎么办 … 042


PART 2 激发孩子潜能的对话法


第三章 提升孩子自信心的对话法

01 从“炫耀”中发现孩子的潜能 … 049

02 “成功的路上总会伴随一些非难” … 052

03 不轻言放弃的孩子,全靠爸爸的鼓励 … 055

04 帮助孩子克服恐惧的话语 … 058

05 通过对话让孩子成为有自信的人 … 061


第四章 激发孩子创造力的对话法

01 激发孩子的好奇心 … 065

02 让孩子投入到自己喜欢的事情上 … 069

03 感动孩子心灵的读书法 … 072

04 激发孩子创造力的语言游戏 … 074

05 培养孩子好奇心的提问法 … 079


第五章 培养孩子感性思维的对话法

01 别急着解决孩子的问题,先聊聊吧 … 085

02 从孩子喜欢的话题开始对话 … 087

03 包容孩子纯真的感情 … 090

04 引导孩子自由地感受、表达 … 093

05 筑就伟大梦想的亲子对话法 … 095


第六章 培养孩子领导力的对话法

01 孩子开口之前,请耐心等待 … 099

02 你今天说了几次“不可以!” … 101

03 请先理解孩子的谎言 … 104

04 让孩子学会自己承担后果 … 106


第七章 激发孩子潜能的对话法

01 如何与孩子谈梦想 … 109

02 培养孩子的自我效能感 … 114

03 过度保护会断送孩子的一生 … 117

04 如何开发孩子的无限潜能 … 120


PART 3 改变孩子生活习惯的沟通法


第八章 在与爸爸的交谈中学习成长

01 三岁,必须让孩子改掉坏习惯的年纪 … 125

02 问题行为背后的原因 … 128

03 模糊表达VS 清晰表达 … 132

04 第一人称传达法 … 139

05 别总想要赢过孩子 … 141


第九章 一句话,改变孩子的无理取闹

01 无理取闹是成长的过程 … 145

02 让孩子知道你了解他 … 147

03 如何让孩子懂得将心比心 … 150

04 无视也是一种方法 … 152

05无理取闹中也有理由 … 155


第十章 让孩子不再沉迷于游戏的对话法

01 无法避免的诱惑——电玩 … 161

02 远离电子游戏,有方法 … 164

03 制订孩子也满意的游戏时间表 … 169


第十一章 足以改变孩子人生的称赞法

01 让不可能成为可能 … 173

02 称赞也是一门艺术 … 175

03 孩子会因为真诚的批评而改变 … 181

04 明智批评的五个原则 … 184


PART 4 改变孩子学习习惯的沟通法


第十二章 提升孩子表达能力的对话法

01 儿时的对话习惯影响孩子的一生 … 189

02 引导孩子深入思考的聊天话题 … 192

03 培养孩子表达能力的自然对话 … 195

04 提升孩子表达能力的对话原则 … 197


第十三章 培养孩子自主学习习惯的对话法

01 不要马上告诉孩子答案 … 201

02 努力比才能更值得称赞 … 205

03 提高注意力的五步对话法 … 208


第十四章 让孩子受益终生的读书法

01 喜欢读书的孩子,80% 受爸爸影响 … 213

02 丰富孩子想象力的阅读游戏 … 218

03 拓展孩子思维的读书分享法 … 222


Book Abstract

“第一人称传达法”

我们往往会因为想改变孩子的坏习惯而多番劝说,却最终因无法沟通而变得疲惫不堪。这时,值得推荐的方法就是“第一人称传达法”,即爸爸将对孩子行为的看法和感觉客观且直接地告知孩子。当孩子的行为没有达到爸爸的期许时,爸爸就会感到不舒服,孩子和爸爸之间也会产生问题。

这时,与其选择对孩子发脾气,不如运用“第一人称传达法”来沟通一下。

举例来说,孩子在家里跑来跑去撞疼了爸爸,爸爸可能会说:“ 你能不能安静地坐下玩?”“ 你干吗这样?”“ 我不是说过不能在家里跑吗?” 这些都是所谓的“第二人称传达法(You-message)”。如果将这些话转换成“第一人称传达法(I-message)”,就会变成:“宝宝,我被你撞疼了。”“ 我还吓了一跳呢。” 这些话的主语变成了我(自己)。在第二人称传达法里,往往会较多使用表达否定意义的命令语气用语——“去做”;但在第一人称传达法里会包含一种“希望孩子能听听家长因为他们的行为而产生的感觉”。

该方法表达的不是“ 你(孩子) 有问题,或者你做错了”,而是“因为我(爸爸)有问题,所以需要你的帮助”。因此,孩子会以更加平和的心态接受家长的意见,并产生帮助家长的想法,减少抵触和反抗心理。

换句话说,第一人称传达法就是在直接描述孩子的行为后,对孩子表达出家长的真实想法。在使用该传达法时,最重要的是能直接表达出自己的想法。爸爸可以说:“因为你不打扫卫生,所以爸爸心情不好。”这种方法不仅能帮助孩子改正问题行为,而且可以强化孩子做出积极肯定行为的意识。

“你把这些玩具丢得到处都是,是想让谁来整理?不要玩了!”

→责怪孩子的同时,也传递了你的不愉快。

“爸爸要做的事情太多了,尹夏也不收拾自己的玩具,爸爸真的好辛苦啊!”

→这种方法既不需要责怪孩子,又可以把自己的想法表达出来。

第一人称传达法可以用来预防孩子的一些不当行为,不仅不会给孩子带来负担,反而很有效。它可以高效地传达父母的想法,虽然孩子听了还是会有一点压力,但却有种自己也被考虑到的感觉。孩子们也会因此开始听大人们的话并产生共鸣。总之,第一人称传达法不但不会引起听话人的反感和辩驳,还可以表达出说话者的感受,从而使对方关注自己的需求。


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