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Jingdong book

被喜欢的心理学

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Jingdong book

被喜欢的心理学

Name: 被喜欢的心理学
Brand: Jingdong book
SKU: 4116054671
Price: 30.39 USD
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你是否也体会过“他人即地狱”？
发现“自己并不是独特的个体！”
认为“这全都是时运不济的错！”

日本著名心理学家哈佛导师加藤谛三彻头彻尾剖析“神经症”
清理生活无谓借口分析人类痛苦根源
一部面对真实自我的心灵自救手册

Content Description

“为什么因为这点事就……”
“好痛苦，好难过……”
“还不都是因为他！”
……
因为很小的而事情苦恼不堪，总是陷入莫名的悲观情绪里，不检讨自己却对周围的人牢骚满腹……你是否有过这样的体验？
而了解什么是“神经症”，正是解决此类问题的关键。

日本著名心理学家、哈佛导师加藤谛三带领你彻底认识“神经症”。以心理学的专业角度，清理生活中自我掩饰的无谓借口，抽丝剥茧地分析人痛苦的根源；带你重新认识自我，面对真实世界，重拾明朗生活。

Author Description

加藤谛三
日本当代著名心理学家、社会学者、哈佛大学研究员、早稻田大学名誉教授、日本精神卫生学会理事。
其作品擅长从现代人普遍关心的问题出发，以心理学的论据解析。语言简单平实，却总能触到读者内心柔软的地方，引发共鸣。多部作品入选日本“生活的智慧”丛书。
著有《我们为何如此不安》《你累了吗》《写给失眠者的心理学》《不高兴的生活艺术》等书。系列作品销量破百万册，持续畅销近三十年。

林煌
青年译者，编辑。喜爱日本文学和电影。

Catalogue

前言

人心为什么会受伤
过于依赖他人者的心理
为什么会情不自禁拿别人和自己对比
区别真实的爱与虚假的爱
为了不陷入孤立的境地你需要这样做
后记

Book Abstract

《被喜欢的心理学》：
把自己越逼越紧的人的心理
因为不安，所以强迫自己
神经症患者经常处于不安状态，并且试图借名声和金钱来逃离这种不安。他们炫耀自己的财富和地位，是为了借此掩盖自信的不足。所以，在名声和金钱方面，他们往往会有强迫性的心理。一旦失去财富和地位便会坐立难安，这就是强迫性心理的一大表现。
因为难以相信任何人，所以他们觉得财富和地位是非常重要的，只有这两样东西能保护自己，只有这两样东西值得信任。即使失去财富和地位，但只要相信身边还是有人会爱自己、关心自己、不会抛弃自己，那么人就不会如此执着于名声和金钱。神经症患者由于不信任周围的人，一旦地位不保、钱财尽散，便无法正常地交际。
对于心理不健康的人来说，实际生活中的自己只能是一个被蔑视、该受谴责的对象。但还有另一个自己，这个自己招人喜爱、受人尊敬，这便是理想中的自己。两者水火不容、剑拔弩张的紧张关系催生了他们对于财富和地位的执念。
请牢记不安的状态和强迫心理之间的关系。
也就是说，意识到自己对某种东西有执念时，能明白自己正在为什么感到不安，能意识到有一种自己之前没有发现的情绪正在左右自己的行动，能深刻反思自己追名逐利到此种地步的原因。
这样一来，执念就转变成了认识真实的自己和理想的自己之间差距的机会。反之，则会继续陷入对名声和金钱的执念，这种强迫性心理会持续很长时间。这样的人甚至再也无法对现实的人生感到满足，最终在执念之中走完自己的一生。
无法看到事情的因果关系，无法把握事情的状况
受强迫性心理影响的人，往往会有“我都这么努力了，还是活得不幸福，看来我要更努力才行”的想法。这是完全无视事情的前因后果，无法判断自己处境的表现。他们其实不理解自己正在做的事。举个极端点的例子，明明想送捧花给女孩，最后送的却是白骨，女孩吓得转身逃开。但他们苦闷又懊恼地抱怨：“我明明这么用心了，为什么会汶样？”
他们不去反思自己被拒绝的原因。因为眼里没有对方，所以再怎么努力都不会有回报。因为不去了解对方的愿望，所以事情偏离了自己预期的方向。因为不思考失败的原因，于是更加努力地做重复的事，把更多的白骨作为礼物送给女孩。
再举一例。有的人会为了想要讨人喜欢而故意隐藏自己的真实感情，明明很想和对方见面，却因为怕惹对方不高兴而一直不说出口。这种看似迎合的态度其实颇有拒他人于千里之外的意思，他们却毫不自知，一再“迎合”。事实上，对方可能希望两者之间的关系能够真实亲近，不需要掩藏，因此面对这样冷淡的态度时总觉得心里空落落的。
神经症患者的眼里没有对方，也不能理解对方。那么神经症患者为什么会对人有好恶呢？如果有人夸赞了自己一番，或者说了一句消解了自己自卑情绪的话，神经症患者就会马上对这个人产生好感；反之，如果有人说了一句伤了自己自尊心的话，神经症患者就会单凭这句话憎恶起这个人来，而完全不去思考那人说出那句话的原因。
出席宴会时，满心以为自己会被安排在上座，结果却被安排到一个不起眼的位置。他们就暗下决心要更加努力，以为更加努力就能被请到上座，却不去思考自己被安排到不起眼位置的原因。这个原因可能不是自己赚得不够多，而是餐桌上的礼仪不够好。比起金钱，他们更需要的其实是心境上的宽裕，但在他们的想法里，赚更多的钱才是当务之急。
这样被强迫性心理支配的人，从小就很少接收到外界给予的有效信息。长大后总会强迫性地洗很多次手，是因为小时候妈妈没有温柔地告诉他“这样就够干净了噢”，没有人夸奖他们“哇，洗得好干净啊”。
……

Introduction

前言

有这样一种人，经常自鸣得意，却被周围的人讨厌。这类人就是本书的主角——神经症患者。
神经症患者的一大特征，便是美国精神科医生卡伦·霍妮1所说的“光荣与孤立”。本书记述了他们种种不受人欢迎的行为和想法，正是这些行为和想法使他们陷入孤立的境地。
举个例子，他们视消除自己的自卑感为首要的目标，所以经常在人前说一些大话空话，这些大话空话惹人讨厌，这种神经症性质的强烈的自尊心惹人讨厌。又或者，他们认为失败会让自己贬值，于是拼命为失败找借口，拼命想要保护自己。原本是想受到欢迎和承认，却反而招致嫌恶。
神经症患者不断遭遇失败。他们之所以不断失败，是因为始终受困于同一个想法，即想要向别人证明自己的价值。谈恋爱的时候，他们很可能不会考虑对方是个什么样的人，因为他们一点都不关心对方的情况。正是因为对人没有关心，他们才无法得到他人的喜爱。这样不去主动关心其他人和事的人，注定会接连遭受挫折。情场失意，仕途不顺，说到底是因为他们最开始就把目的弄错了。
他们的心理时常处于高压状态，总想着要证明自己的能力。也就是说，在与人交往时，他们没有自信。与人交谈时，如果不能得到自己想要的信息，他们就会焦躁不安。
四十多年来，我接触过许多有着此类烦恼的人。这些人前来咨询的时候，如果得不到能迅速帮他们解决烦恼的“魔杖”，就会陷入焦虑的状态，情绪低落，于是更加被周围的人讨厌。
神经症患者们希望找到不用努力就能获得幸福的方法，结果只能是更加焦虑。他们从不觉得交谈是让人愉快的。但是，其实只要他们觉得交谈本身让人愉快，情绪就不会低落。一场愉快的谈话，正是能够迅速消除烦恼的“魔杖”。开心地做一件事的时候，人不会有“失败”之类的消极意识。
我希望大家在读完这本书后，能明白是怎样的行为和思考方式使得神经症患者无法和别人正常交流。
只要不再以这样的态度待人，神经症患者也能交到足以成为灵魂伴侣的亲密朋友；只要改变思考方式，神经症患者也能逐渐被周围的人接受。我希望大家带着这样的想法开始阅读本书。

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Jingdong book

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