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I recently finished reading So Is It All Childhood Fault. 》

This book.

All interested in psychology.

Or friends who are interested in their own personality can read it.

It focuses on the influence of innate and later environment on a person.

If you are not so satisfied with your personality.

How to change that.

And so on.

I believe it will be helpful to read at any stage of life.

“Words, art, love, and fire are just one way to gain access to the world."

“How people’s caregivers treat themselves as children is a key factor in the formation of attachment styles in adulthood.< span class="s1">“

"Whether the mother is full of love and whether she can give her child an emotional response in a timely manner means whether the child has the ability to explore the outside world. Strong backing.”

“Good father and son/The father-daughter relationship will help children get these needs met: to be stimulated and aroused, to be amazed, to go beyond limits, to face danger, to withstand pressure, to be fearless in an unfamiliar environment, and to be independent.< /span>”

“Father will75% time spent in playful interactions with children, 25% time spent in caregiving interactions 50% of the time50%, mother-child play, and mother-child play More of a cognitive game than a physical game.”

“Children who grew up in Absence or insufficiency of love will be affected by a series of negative effects, resulting in “a great need for fatherly love” complex.”

“We learn from them how to love a person. If a father treats his partner in a loving and trusting way, The relationship between the two parties is close and responsive, then the child will think that he should love and trust someone in the same way, and at the same time, the child will also believe that when he treats each other in this way, he will get the same response from the other party .”

“It is important to note that while we advocate the involvement of fathers in their children’s lives, involvement is not as important as< span class="s1">“Stay with kids” There is no absolute connection between the times. American scholar Maureen·Black >Maureen Black) found that even when the parents were divorced and the father and child did not live in the same household, fathers remained more engaged. More on an emotional level than a physical one.”

“American Scholar Laura·Padilla-Walker (Laura Padilla-Walker< /span>) research in 2012 found that in families, when fathers use “authoritative” in the education style, it is conducive to the development of tenacity in children.”

“A healthy family can have quarrels, misunderstandings, hurt, anger, but these are temporary, not lasting ; everyone in it feels cared for, respected, loved, free to express ideas and emotions, and family members are independent and emotionally connected.”

“Children are harmed in the family, not necessarily directly by the parent. In addition to the child, family members Conflicts and problems between them can also cause harm to children. For example, a child may not be directly mistreated by his parents, but there is no normal emotional communication between parents, frequent quarrels, and abusive behavior. These will cause harm to the child. Adverse effects.”

“Fromm says in Escaping Freedom:“ Man is not an immutable individual determined purely by biological factors, piled up by primitive impulses and desires, nor is he a puppet absolutely manipulated by cultural circumstances. ”

“The formation of our personality is the result of the combined action of congenital and acquired factors. Some congenital factors often affect our personality. It is underestimated and, at the same time, the influence of the earliest relationships and circumstances in our lives, before we form memories, is often overlooked.”< /p>

“Big Five”, conscientiousness, agreeableness, extroversion, openness, and emotional stability, are the basic tendencies most often used to describe personality5< span class="s3"> dimensions.

“American Scholar Dan·McAdams (Dan McAdams vividly described in an interview:"A person's personality is like a temperament that is covered by people's life stories. ”

“Mental embryos determine overall and relative trends in personality traits.”< /span>

“Kagan also exclaimed:“Congenital factors influence personality formation beyond what we can imagine and want to believe. ”

“While most of our childhood memories are long forgotten, these feelings of love and security have long been ingrained in the spirit Above the embryo, it affects our later relationships, including intimacy.”

“Whether in infancy or other life stages, traumatic experiences (such as abandonment by one parent) , witnessing a violent family struggle, etc.), can have an impact on the personality, even though the individual may not even be aware that those experiences exist due to no memory of the stages.”” span>

“We can still be personality shapers.”

“You have natural limits, but also natural advantages.”

“Your spiritual embryo also affects what kind of environment you choose to a certain extent, and realizing this can help us avoid Become a person who blames the outside world and others, and be more 0 to your own environment.”

"If you want to learn more about your personality traits that you don't understand, you may consider learning about the first aspects of your life. Experience, this may give you some different inspiration.”

“Everyone has at least3Self, one is determined by genes, one is under the influence of environment and culture, and the other is defined by the goals and values we pursue in life, and the last one is the most The important, totally own self”.

“Lawrence, American Psychologist·Steinberg (Laurence Steinberg believes that independence is more than just“behaves out of parental constraints”, but in Cognitive, attitudinal, and behavioral autonomy.”

“Steinberg says:“The degree of independence of today's young adults at 25years old and their parents21 around the age of 21. ”

“Achieving autonomy is also a process of building self-esteem and self-worth.”

“Dutch scholar Mark·Noom (Marc Noom conducted a study on the relationship between psychological adaptation and autonomy in adolescents and found that whether it is Attitude, emotional, and behavioral autonomy means higher self-esteem, better social fitness, and less depression.”< /p>

"Self-determinism believes that improving one's autonomy can satisfy the individual's psychological sense of achievement to the greatest extent and stimulate people's motivation and achievements.”

“In life, we can also feel that if we blindly pursue separation from our parents and pursue complete self-determination, we may Instead, it will have the opposite effect. In life, we can also feel that if we blindly pursue separation from our parents and pursue complete self-determination, it may have the opposite effect."

“One cannot exist without relationship to another.” span>

“Everyone experiences some degree of inferiority complex, which is normal and healthy, but an inferiority complex is often unhealthy. ”

“Inferiority and conceit are two sides of the same coin.”< /span>

“True strength is not gained by making others feel weak.”

“In the cartoon "Mary and Max", Max wrote to Mary, he said:"When I was young, I wanted to be anyone but myself. ”Whether it’s for those who seem to be inferior or those who seem conceited and don’t want to be themselves, It is the most persistent and profound pain. Accepting yourself and reducing your pain may be the lifelong lessons of these people.”

“We always think that emotions should flow naturally between close people, but in reality, emotions are often A difficult thing. Even with a partner we have known for many years, we often fail to receive his true feelings, or even convey our true feelings to each other.”

“For many couples, talking about their true feelings is as difficult as speaking a foreign language. ”American scholar Lynn· Poole (Lynn Pearl said. ”

“Lynn·Pool believes that the reluctance to make emotional connections out of fear of vulnerability is a core barrier to emotional mobility failure.”

“Introverts don’t like small talk and superficial conversations, they like deep communication. , but it is easy to establish long-term, stable and deep relationships with people.”

“Neuroscience research has found that the brains of introverts exhibit greater activity in processing visual information. Therefore, introverts The brain absorbs more details of the world, and these can serve as good social fodder.”

“If you are an easy“social hangover”people you may be considered“Can’t play”, but someone who knows you will You know, you're just better at providing those deep, meaningful conversations. You may not be the easiest one to blend in with in unfamiliar crowds, but there's a real you behind your silence. So don't be afraid of crowds. You You know, someone will appreciate who you are.”

“Self-discipline is not simply catering to external standards (eg, long-term interests are better than short-term interests), but always suppressing current Inner impulse. On the contrary, it is an ability to recognize and accept the possible conflicts between inner impulses and external standards, and to adjust and adapt for self-interest. That is to say, self-discipline is the ability of individual consciousness to be affected by “Proactive after conflict” Choice, not self-repression done subconsciously.”

“Attention, control of inner impulses, and delayed gratification are all expressions of self-discipline in the face of inner impulses and external temptations .”

“Yes“ The belief in free will” affects people’s self-discipline. Free will, as human beings, we have the freedom to choose our actions , our behavior is brought about by our own will. That is, people who do not believe in free will do not think that people can control or change their behavior at all, let alone self-discipline."

“The point is not what we like to use, but what we think“ What is the most important way to achieve your goals”. You have to believe in yourself The way you choose at this moment is critical to achieving your goals, so you can exercise self-discipline.”

“To live means to live with uncertainty.”

There will always be new things, new circumstances, and new people. It affects how much risk we are willing to take into our lives. It's also an inevitable part of our process of wanting to get out of the old situation and make some changes. Inability to live with uncertainty means always leaning towards the known, making it harder for you to change and break through. It will make you dungeon and complacent. ”

"Life is inevitable. No matter how anxious you are, and how many times you search, check and confirm, those uncertainties remain There is. Most of us, we will never know, where10 years from now will be What is it like, 5years later, will I lose my current best friend, and will I stay with the people around me Stay together.”

“Anxiety is an unbearable emotion, so people will do all kinds of things to escape it without thinking, but only When anxiety occurs, you are willing to observe and analyze what is behind your anxiety, and then it is possible to solve the problem at the root.”

“Do what I can and accept what cannot be changed” span>.

"Passive-accepting people do not maintain their own personal boundaries. They allow others to violate and manipulate them. Others are equal and do not“adventures” To express and uphold one's own views, afraid of affecting others, but unable to refuse other people's requests, and will do things that they are not willing to do in order to please others.”

“A self-assured person who understands where he stands, knows his strengths and weaknesses, soTaAble to look at criticism objectively, absorb what is worth learning, not be affected by emotions, but also give criticism objectively, not to people.< /span>”

“Fleeing is always easier than confronting, but good change often comes with confrontation.< span class="s1">”

“People are not as willing to fundamentally change themselves as they think they are, they are only willing to change those things that are not related to their sense of identity. Great trait.”

"No one is immutable. Even if you firmly believe that you will not, it will happen over time and experience Change.”

“Nathan· Hudson's research shows that if you have a very strong desire to change yourself, but only stay at the level of the goal, not to execute and achieve, then it will reduce the happiness of life. Therefore, if you do not What you plan to do, we advise you to dispel the illusion of becoming a better person and accept yourself, and it will be easier to be happy.”

“If you can’t really do it, first“ Pretend”you can do it.”

“When people realize that their goals may no longer be achieved, they are more likely to double their efforts than to give up their original goals. Work hard to make it happen. This may be what scientific research is “obsessed with”Prove it.”

“To truly realize what regrets you have in the past, and to face these regrets and impossible expectations, you need to be mature; , the process of facing regret itself will help a person become more mature.”

“Growing up is a process of constantly breaking the routine and meeting the unknown.” span>

"When we were children, we thought that when we grew up, we would no longer be vulnerable. But growing up It is a process of accepting vulnerability. Being alive is a kind of vulnerability.

——[American] Madeleine·Engle (Madeleine L'Engle)”< /span>

“Able to accept that vulnerable people are stronger and more likely to repair themselves in the face of adversity.”

“The best motivational strategy is probably“Can be driven by results as well as by process”—both with a vision for the future Good expectations for yourself, and fully enjoy the process of hard work.”

“Whoever you are, you are who you are.”< /span>

“We may not be able to find“Right people”, but definitely stay away from those “Wrong person”."

“Film Under the Tuscan SunUnder the Tuscan Sun ), there is a sentence: There is no doubt that good things will come. And when it comes late, it is also a kind of surprise.”

“You and I meet on the sea of the night, you have yours, and I have my direction. You can remember, it’s better You forget, the light that shines on each other at this meeting.”