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怎么说孩子才会听,如何听孩子才肯说

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面对孩子的不良行为和各种问题,父母往往总是反复叮咛、嘱咐和唠叨,然而,这些对孩子来说90%以上都永远只是“耳边风”!——不起作用,反而惹的孩子厌烦!
长此以往,做父母的就常常忍不住就抱怨和指责脱口而出。
于是,家里整天充满了呵斥声和吵嚷声。
无数家长为此烦恼,可是没用。
你越说,跟孩子之间的火药味就越浓烈,但不说,孩子的问题却又解决不了。
家长应该怎么办?
《怎么说孩子才会听,如何听孩子才肯说》就是家庭教育专家、“妈妈导师”蒙谨专门为这些苦恼的家长们所写的一本书。
《怎么说孩子才会听,如何听孩子才肯说》是一本高品质、原创的亲子关系指导书。书中提供的方法能够缓解所有年龄段的孩子与家长的紧张关系,使孩子很容易接受家长的要求和忠告,结束孩子与家长的冲突对抗,带来孩子跟家长的主动、愉快的合作。
《怎么说孩子才会听,如何听孩子才肯说》中蒙谨老师以“有感动,有感悟”为写作原则,精心选择教育女儿的有趣故事,结合家庭教育的典型问题,利用故事向读者阐述了完美亲子关系的本质规律和关键点,并提供了可行的思路和操作性建议。
掌握了“怎么说?”“如何听?”的技巧,就能开启孩子的心灵世界,与孩子达成美妙的交流沟通,使孩子变得不同寻常地愿意与家长配合,让孩子在你的引导下身心健康发展。
Author Description

蒙谨,教育学硕士,心理咨询师。亲子教育畅销书作家。担任班主任工作多年,现从事家庭教育研究及青少年心理咨询工作。曾在国内杂志报刊发表散文、杂文多篇。是一个女孩和一个男孩的妈妈,近年开始著述家教图书,将自己的教育经验和心得写出来和天下更多的妈妈们分享。被广大读者誉为最贴心的“妈妈导师”。
已经出版过《正面教养,让不听话的孩子乖起来》、《接纳不完美的孩子》、《让孩子把话说完》、《别让爱阻挡了孩子成长》、《越唠叨,你的孩子越糟糕》、《陪儿子一起长大》、《女儿,来把你的手给我》等原创亲子教育图书20多部。多种图书版权输出海外。
Catalogue

第一章 好家长都是口才达人——家教,其实是一门说话艺术
我考全班倒数第一,你不生气吗?——家长会“说”,孩子才会更优秀
再漂亮也没有我女儿的心灵美——掌握亲子说服术,永远跟孩子没冲突
你怎么回事啊?存心烦我是不是?——话语里充满对孩子的爱
难道我说错了吗?——跟孩子说话,从管好自己的嘴开始
妈妈,我们就不起来,看他怎么着——言传,更要身教
妈妈,奶奶也不说声谢谢——维护孩子尊严,给足面子

第二章 言简意赅,重点突出——让孩子清楚、透彻地理解你的话
我以为你能从我的训话中猜出来呢——褒贬分明,别让孩子去猜
等你想好了,咱们再商量——与孩子谈话的主题要集中具体
帮我把这几件衣服洗了——给孩子传达指令要清楚明白,越简单越好
到我真的去做某件事时,倒忘了要干什么——分清主次,不要冗长繁琐
你仍然会继续写下去?——强力控制话题,莫让谈话主题游走

第三章 给孩子说的话要包上蜜——把话说得让孩子想听、爱听
孩子,你长大了,谢谢你牵挂着妈妈——不要吝啬对孩子的赞美
您觉得我这次还能当班长吗?——鼓励孩子永远不嫌多,不嫌晚
谢谢你,为我拍照片——跟孩子说话要和颜悦色
不是侥幸,还是你平时的用功——发现孩子的长处,及时表扬
这样啊,行,你自己决定吧——建议而不要对孩子发号施令
玩不就是指上网吗?——幽默让你贴近孩子的心

第四章 家长一定要会的亲子说服术——用说服改变孩子的技巧
要是你懂一点英文,咱何必费那么多事——让事实说话
我妈的口才比我好,句句说到心坎里——反复强调最主要、最关键的理由
女孩睡觉多,皮肤会更好——利用孩子感兴趣的事物来说服
我要穿小亮那样的衣服——与孩子讨论分析,由他自己选择
对不起,妈妈下次不会再这么对待你了——站在孩子的立场说话
等我给你讲完这个故事,你就知道该怎么做了——巧用故事传达意念
是不是你做得不够好?——通过对比告诉孩子对错
这样吧,咱今天就写两个字——先提小要求,再提大要求

第五章 不剥夺孩子的话语权——让孩子自由表达看法和感受
你看,火车可以运积木呢——不要忽略孩子的表达
不许哭!丢不丢人啊?——允许孩子发泄不良情绪
别说了,写你的作业去——耐心听孩子把话说完
不嘛,我就要那一件——允许孩子说不
大人说话,你小孩子家别插嘴——鼓励孩子说出自己的看法
我不去,你把班给我退了吧——允许孩子争辩

第六章 好家长要会安静地听孩子说——你必须要掌握的倾听术
哎呀,妈,你就甭管了——孩子说时,你要多听
儿子,有什么事?说吧——倾听时要专注
知道了,你烦不烦啊!——听孩子说话要表现出兴趣
我和同学打架了——让孩子叙述他自己的事情
那你怎么对我的话没有反应啊?——积极回应孩子的话
妈妈,姐姐的娃娃会说话——倾听孩子的弦外之音
……
Book Abstract

《怎么说孩子才会听,如何听孩子才肯说》:
和孩子说话,一定要言简意赅。孩子各种观念的建立,来自于你的话语,你要用最简单的话告诉孩子正确的做法。
“我不这么认为。”这是一位妈妈给孩子说的话。那个孩子是我初中时的班长兼好友。她是老师、同学公认的“好人”,当选班长,就是因为“好”。她单科成绩在班里属中等,综合成绩属中上等。可以说,要是论成绩来选班干部,是不会轮到她的。就是因为会说话,会办事,她在班上的人缘极好,就连那些让老师头疼的“调皮大王”,也愿意听她的话。她脸上总挂着甜美的微笑,说给我们的每一句话都很温暖,就连争执的话,她也能在不伤人自尊的情况下,说得人心服口服。
私底下,老师们说她这种聪明的处世方式是天生的;同学家长却说她一定有一位会说话的爸爸或妈妈。有一次,班上的一位男生让隔壁班上的男生打了,学校处理得欠公平。班上的同学瞒着老师找到她,商量着找人“收拾”一下那男生,给他点“颜色”瞧瞧。
她第一次为难了,因为作为同学最信任的班长,她不能告诉老师,因为这件事非同小可,她不想大家意气用事。于是,以商量最佳“对策”为由,她把几个男、女生代表约到家里。她凭着那张好嘴,说服大家这事要让她妈妈参与。在会上,大家义愤填赝地发着感慨,又把自认为好的“报复”计划讲出来。她妈妈安静地坐在一旁,认真地听着。“阿姨,您怎么看待我们的计划?”有同学问道。
她妈妈沉思一会,客气地说道:“你们的心情我可以理解,但我不认为你们找人‘惩罚’那男生后,心里能好受。”接着,她有理有据地罗列出“惩罚”后的各种后果,然后才问我们:“能不能想一个更稳妥的办法呢?”
不得不承认,她妈妈考虑得太全面了,特别是经过语言的渲染,让我们觉得,自己的想法、计划幼稚可笑。
有个男生发狠说:“我觉得先找他本人谈谈,要是他再有下次,我们决不轻饶他。”
她妈妈笑道:“我赞成你这么做,可是再一想,以我们现在的心情找他谈,他有一句话说得不好了,是不是会引起新的冲突?我们这么做,对解决问题是否会有好处呢?”
大家相互看看。其中一个男生气咻咻地说:“他欺负了人,还想怎样?”
“这样下去,恐怕还会打起来。”有个女生说道,又问:“阿姨,您有好主意吗?”她妈妈沉思一会,才说:“谈不上好主意,只是个建议,我讲出来,要是你们认为不好,再一起想别的办法。我觉得咱们过一段时间再和那男生谈,或者找老师叫他的家长一起谈。”
“对对,从头到尾,老师就没让他家里知道这事。”一个男生说道,“只有让他爸妈知道这事,教训他一顿,他才能长记性呢。”
“是呀,这样挺好,既给了他‘颜色’,又让他觉得我们不是好欺负的。咦,以前怎么没想到呢。”另一个男生说。她妈妈微笑着看着大家,眼里盛满爱意。那一刻,我忽然领悟到:“一个好孩子背后,真的是有一位了不起的妈妈。”
……

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