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生命对你意味着什么

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◆1932年出版,已畅销各国80年,个体心理学创始人阿德勒的传世经典之作!
◆阿尔弗雷德阿德勒的个体心理学集大成之作,深刻探究生命的意义,指明人生道路!
◆关于心灵、肉体、自卑感、爱情、婚姻的通俗心理学,成为人生赢家的启明之作!
◆如果面对生活你感觉沮丧、不安、挫败和不自信,这本书将帮你重新燃起奋斗的力量。
◆如果你的孩子自私、蛮横、厌学、不合作,这本书将忙你找到解决这些问题的答案。
◆这是一本建立在心理学、教育学和精神治疗案例之上的心灵励志书!
◆这是一本能够帮助人们跨越自卑,重塑强大内心的心理学经典读本!

Content Description

个体心理学大师阿德勒的集大成之作,阐明人生道路和人生意义的通俗性心理学读物。
作者指出,生活中我们所遇到的每一个问题,几乎都与职业、社会和性有着千丝万缕的联系,而在追求事业成功、社会价值肯定及婚姻幸福时,人人都会产生不同程度的自卑感,这种自卑感源于对现状的不满和对自身的不自信。
作者将《生命对你意味着什么》献给所有对生活感到挫败、焦躁、迷茫的现代人:自卑不是一件羞耻的事,它具有一种强烈的反弹力量,妥善利用,就会成为你不断突破的动力。
找到自卑的根源,正确理解生活,并懂得合作的价值,你也可以实现从自卑到跨越的惊人蜕变。
Author Description

阿尔弗雷德·阿德勒(Alfred Adler),(1870-1937年),奥地利精神病学家、个体心理学的创始人,现代自我心理学之父。弗洛伊德把人的心理看成是一个充满了矛盾与冲突的构件,而阿德勒则不同,他认为健康的心理是成功人生的主要推力,因而将心理看作可以帮助个人达成未来目标的有机整体。其代表作有《生活对你意味着什么》、《儿童教育心理学》、《个体心理学的实践与理论》等。

Comments

★阿德勒的心理学在心理学历史中,是第一个沿着我们今天应该称之为社会科学的方向发展的心理学体系。

——心理学家墨菲

★在阿德勒的启发下,我对自己的“最初记忆”进行了分析,其结果与书中观点一致。这种对“海量回忆”的“有限选取模式”,足以窥见到我的思维模式和潜意识中的某些特点,是认识自我、解剖自我的一个门径。

——豆瓣网友评论

Catalogue

第一章 生活的意义
第二章 心灵与肉体
第三章 自卑感和优越感
第四章 早期的记忆
第五章 梦
第六章 家庭的影响
第七章 学校的影响
第八章 青春期
第九章 犯罪及其预防
第十章 职业
第十一章 朋友及同伴
第十二章 爱情与婚姻
附录
阿尔弗雷德·阿德勒年谱

Book Abstract

最初的记忆是我们在研究人格时必须考虑的因素。有的人会说他们无法确定所发生事件的先后顺序,或者干脆回忆不起来,然而,这样的状况对于我们而言也算是一种启发。我们可以由此判断他们是否对这个话题感兴趣或者愿意合作。通常人们都是非常乐意提及最初记忆的,对他们而言,那些都是单纯的事实,并没有什么隐含的特殊意思。大多数人并不了解他们的最初记忆,一般情况下,人们会从记忆中表露出与其他人的关系,生活中的目标以及他们是怎样看待周边环境的。由于最初的记忆中包含着很多有效信息,我们要对其进行深入的研究。我们可以以班级为对象,让学生各自写下最初的记忆,倘若我们可以理解这些记忆,那么,我们便掌握了有价值的信息。

下面,我们用几个例子来证明这个论断的正确性。假设我们并不了解研究对象的各方面情况,仅仅掌握了他们的最初记忆。我们可以用他们人格中的其他表现形式来检验我们从中发现的有效信息,这对于我们来讲,相当于一个训练,用以增强我们的判断力。我们需要具备辨别真假的能力,也必须学会对比。尤其是通过一个人所受的训练来判定他是否喜欢合作;他是胆小怯懦还是信心十足;他独立自主还是对他人充满依赖;他只想收获还是懂得付出。

例一:

“由于我的妹妹……”我们必须注意是什么人出现在他最初的记忆中。当他这样描述时,我们可以判断妹妹曾经一度成为他的阴影,并影响着他。他们之间的状态应该是对立的,这种关系类似于竞争对手。我们也能够了解,这样的关系对他来说是种困扰。当一个儿童和某一个人对立时,就不会与他合作。但是,我们的猜测也未必准确,或许他们是好朋友。

“由于妹妹年幼,所以我必须等着她长大,否则我也不能出去。”由此可见,他们的关系确实是敌对的。我们可以推测研究对象的心理:“因为她还小,所以我必须等到她长大了才可以出去,妹妹妨碍了我的自由!”倘若这样的解释是正确的,那么,我们可以理解当事人的感受:“对于我来说,没有什么比受到他人的限制更糟糕的了,那等于失去自由。”可见,当事人多半是女孩。

“后来,我们的起点是同步的。”其实,我们不认为这样的教育对于女孩来说是科学的。她可能会出现这样的心理:因为妹妹小,她就必须等着妹妹。这是女孩一直以来所坚信的解释。她感觉一直在迁就着妹妹,自己却备受冷落。她很可能会迁怒于母亲,或许她还会因此和父亲显得更加亲密。

“我记得,妈妈说过就在我们去上学的当天,她感觉格外孤单。她还说她在那天下午时不时地跑到门口张望,希望我们赶紧回来。”通过这样的表述,我们能够看出这样的行为缺乏理性——女孩看到了母亲的不安。显然,这是一位慈爱的母亲,女儿也能够体会到这一点。但是,她是多么缺乏安全感。倘若我们找女孩谈话,或许她会说母亲是更偏袒妹妹的。这样的事情并不稀奇,最小的孩子通常都会受到更多的关注。从整个回忆描述中,我们可以看出:姐姐对妹妹是有敌意的,她认为妹妹妨碍了她,她可能会因此而产生忌妒的心理。她若是讨厌年轻的女士,也就不足为奇了。很多人都对年长产生恐惧感,一些妇女会忌妒比自己年轻的女性。

……

例三:

“我的父亲在我三岁的时候……”她的父亲出现在记忆的起点。我们可以猜测,比起母亲,她对父亲的兴趣更浓。对父亲感兴趣应该是发展的第二阶段。儿童最开始总是先对母亲感兴趣,因为在一开始,母亲与儿童的合作比较多。儿童依赖着母亲,她的心理活动都是围绕着母亲而展开的。假如她对父亲更加感兴趣,那说明这个母亲很失败。这意味着孩子不满意自己的处境,通常这是因为诞生了更小的婴儿。如果在回忆中发现有新生婴儿,那我们的论断就是正确的。

“爸爸买了一对矮种马给我们。”我们必须注意到其他的孩子,因为她不是独生子女。“爸爸将它们牵到我面前,比我年长三岁的姐姐……”看来,我们的解释是需要修正的。事实上,这个孩子年纪是最小的,而我们以为她是姐姐。或许,母亲更加宠爱她的姐姐,因此,女孩才会回忆起父亲买了矮种马的事件。

“姐姐牵着马喜气洋洋地走在街上。”这个姿势是多么得意。“我的马跑得太慢了,它总是跟在另一匹后面。”这是因为她的姐姐走在前面!“我绊倒了,马拉着我在地上跑。这次经历以兴高采烈开始,却落得个沮丧的结局。”姐姐处处占据上风,她是胜利者。我们可以猜测,女孩是说:“假如我稍不留神,姐姐就会处于优势地位。我像个失败者一样被她击败。占领先机是唯一获取安全的方法。”因此,我们也可以判断:她的母亲宠爱姐姐,她不得不转向父亲。

“之后,虽然姐姐的骑术不如我,但我始终抹不去那次留下的阴影。”现在,我的所有猜测都得到了验证。我们看到有一种竞争存在于两姐妹之间。妹妹认为:“我不能总在后面,我要赶上去超过她。”我曾经论证过,年纪偏小的孩子往往会存在竞争对手,而他们又求胜心切。这个女孩就是这样,她所经历的事情不断地提醒她:“我要永远保持第一,走在别人后面是件非常危险的事。”

……

例五:

“童年时期的一件事令我难以忘怀。那是我四岁的时候,曾祖母来看我们。”我们讨论过,一般来说,祖父母是非常疼爱孙儿的,然而,我们却未曾讨论过曾祖母将怎样对待他们。“她到了以后,我们将拍一张四世同堂的全家福。”这个女孩对曾祖母来访并拍照的印象如此深刻,可见,她是个恋家的人,对家庭很感兴趣。假如我们的猜测是正确的,那么,在家庭范围之外,她的合作能力应该是很差的。

“我的记忆很清晰,当时我们开车到了另一个镇上的照相馆,然后,我换上了一件白色绣花的外套。”或许,这个女孩视觉也非常敏感。“在拍全家福之前,我和弟弟合了影。”我们再次看到她对家庭的兴趣。她和弟弟之间一定发生了很多事,因为弟弟是家庭中的一员。“弟弟手拿红球坐在一把椅子的扶手上,椅子就在我身边。”她又回忆起当时看到的事物。“我两手空空地站在一边。”现在,我们看到女孩的心理了。她在暗示自己:“大家更喜欢弟弟。”我们可以推测,她并不欢迎弟弟的降临,因为他会取代她受宠的地位。“他们让我微笑。”她是想说:“其实我觉得没什么好笑的,他们却让我笑,他们让弟弟手拿红球坐在椅子上,而我却一无所有。”

“拍照的时候只有我是没有笑的,其他人都摆出了很好的姿势。”她觉得家人对她不好,她表示抗议。在回忆的过程中,她从没忘记告诉我们家庭是如何对待她的。“当被要求微笑时,聪明的弟弟就会笑得好开心,之后,我一直不喜欢那张照片。”她的例子让我们感受到我们的生活方式,当我们认定一件事的时候,就会试图用它解释其他的事。由于拍照时发生了不开心的事,因此她一直讨厌拍照。我们也可以发现:如果一个人讨厌某件事,假如要说明理由,他总会用自己的经验来证明。这样的记忆,让我们得出了两个结论:首先,她视觉敏锐;其次,重要的一点是她很依赖家庭。她最初的记忆几乎都来自家庭,或许,接触社会后,她会感觉不适应。

……
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Jingdong book