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爱或不爱没关系

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爱,永远说不清道不明。痴迷还是清醒,退却或是陷落,也许只有经历过,方能体悟出千百般纠葛里,到底几许得失、几分对错。
步步为营?步步为“赢”!NO NO爱情何苦那么累,圣女ou剩女?MY GOD!我也不要那么累。男人们听好了爱或不爱没关系,我们结婚以后再恋爱!
Content Description

女硕士戴若,背着剩女头衔,在朋友的婚礼上认识了离婚男士杨宪奕。大龄女青年的日子,不缠已经很乱,缠进去就更乱。风平浪静的单身生活,从此因为另一个人的突然介入而横生变数。是为了务实的婚姻而放弃感情,还是抱着爱情的信念继续苦苦追寻?戴若面临两难的选择。爱或不爱是此消彼长的取舍,在感情和婚姻的天平上,最终她把全部砝码押到了一边。 怎样忘记过去,怎样抓住现在;如何恋爱结婚,能否战胜前妻和婆婆;婚姻里爱或不爱到底有没有关系?在一步步摸索的过程中,戴若找到了答案。
Author Description

琴瑟琵琶,八零后女孩,长期驻扎北京。爱好广泛,天文地理琴棋书画略知一二。起笔写故事,纯属情绪积累到一定程度的基础,娱人娱已而已。
Catalogue

第一章 婚礼上的倒霉事
第二章 怄气的约会
第三章羊入虎口
第四章一场鸿门宴
第五章得寸进丈
第六章你想怎么样
第七章大风大浪
第八章不该做的事
第九章还是沉沦了
第十章开始谈恋爱
第十一章节外生枝
第十二章 草草嫁人
第十三章 较量刚刚开始
第十四章 不一样的生活
第十五章还是吵架了
第十六章 一段旧事
第十七章恶战开始了
第十八章暗潮涌动
第十九章我想开了
第二十章不总是朝朝暮暮
第二十一章 烦恼接踵而至
第二十二章 出大事了
第二十三章你背叛我
第二十四章 坦白从宽
第二十五章这就是结果
尾声
Book Abstract

第一章婚礼上的倒霉事
我想冲她们大喊我没有酒后乱性,没有一夜情,可我说话不硬气,我想不起和那男人后来究竟,怎么样了。我心口怦怦地跳,怕听到不好的消息。
二十七岁生日那天,中午十二点,在我最好朋友的婚礼上。
我不是伴娘,也不认识伴郎。我就坐在角落里,喝着味道不算纯正的红酒,听身边两个中年女人聊天。
她们聊的大概是男大当婚女大当嫁的话题。我不喜欢听这些,继续喝酒,心里想着三四年前的事情。
我怎么也想不到,方睿慈结婚了。在我脑子里,她应该是我们宿舍最后一个结婚的,甚至是终身不婚的那种。
可人家就是结了,最重要的是,她比我小,结婚却比我早!
收到喜帖的时候,我还没见过准新郎,更谈不上认识。我傻了一会儿,马上给丁璀打电话,又给路苗苗发邮件,我在QQ里和郑筱萸整夜整夜地说这件事,我把MSN上的名字改成了剩女希瑞,被钟静耻笑了一把。
我们宿舍六个女生,按照当年夜谈的排行,我该是第三个结婚。可如今呢?
郑筱萸女儿快三岁了;钟静人在国外,老公在国内守身如玉;路苗苗还是和情投意合的人在一起;至于丁璀,听说也新结识了男朋友。
今天,最不可能出嫁的书呆子方睿慈结婚了,听说半年前就领证了,新郎是博士。我虽然看不起男博士,更看不起在读女博士,但是人家结婚了,我没结,孤苦一人,身边连个说话的都没有。
想起男朋友三个字,我就没好气,又给自己倒酒,敬了一下没有到场的冯纶同志。他如果在这里,美其名日我也有个曾经的暗恋对象,把话挑明以后,我们连同学都没得做了。他把我织的围巾寄了回来,再无瓜葛。围巾被我转送给了院里的看门大爷。
我很想爆一句粗话,虽然我并不会。
冯纶不是东西,太不是东西。好在今天他不在,他如果在这里,我一分钟都待不下去。他女友曾经住在我们同层宿舍。身条顺,脸盘靓,胸大也有头脑,男生们好像一直这么形容,我们六个女生关起屋门边吃西瓜边讥讽她。可如今,她跟了冯纶,或者说冯纶跟了她,两个人招摇过市。有时候我都想不起她叫什么了,依然按着过去背地里的叫法不屑地从鼻子里嗤一句奶牛。
奶牛的胸真大。我有时恨胸太大的女人,港剧里胸大的女人都没有头脑不是吗?可男人都是一些肤浅的东西,就懂得看身条,看脸蛋,不看知识学问。那些残存的注重女孩知识学问的,外形八成又是二等残废。
这么想着,我心里更不平衡。我后悔自己念了研究生,倒不是因为学了文献检索专业,而是因为同校没有几个看得过去的男生,好日子就蹉跎了。岁月没有饶过我,我知道我二十七岁了,偶尔熬夜过后眼角有细细的纹路。
我爱过,爱过冯纶。他爱上那个大胸女人,不爱我。
我现在不暗恋他,我谁也不喜欢,谁也不在乎。
我越这么自我安慰,妈妈越说我自欺欺人。其实她不算懂我,还是爸爸理解我。收到方睿慈喜帖的那天,我着实在屋里发了一下午疯。他听见我乒乒乓乓地摔东西,还是笑呵呵地端了盘切好的西瓜送进来,装作什么都不知道。
“得啦,丫头,吃点西瓜消消火。”
我就爱爸爸这样,什么都明白,什么都不点破,留了最后那点面子,维护了我的自尊心。混成宿舍里最后一名的大剩女,情非所愿,我也无从选择。
古籍处的关处长结婚了,有一个四岁的儿子,我再往死里含情脉脉,每天准时给他拿报纸,偶尔一起吃顿“工作”晚餐,却还是狠不下心去他家里插足。他媳妇不容易,拉扯着孩子长这么大,我知道做女人的辛苦,又何必去为难别的女人呢。
喝了两杯还没醉,我给自己倒了第三杯红酒。远处的伴郎新郎渐渐分不太清楚,耳边的老女人谈话声还在继续。我想拍案而起,干净利落地撮合了她们俩的儿女。可我是谁,我自己都没推销出去,我有什么资格给人家做媒拉线?
我踏踏实实地坐着,喝了第四杯。一只手支撑着头,发现新郎新娘开始轮桌敬酒,赶紧坐正身子,想修正一下形象。同屋六个,观礼的只有我。我的形象其实不差,很贤淑,很知性。
我和大翻译家的夫人同姓,名字沾了大作家夫人的光,我的别号还很有讲头,和写翠翠的那个人的太太一样。我喜欢我的名字,别人叫我戴若、若若,爸爸妈妈叫我兆兆,因为我出生昭示了好年景。那一年爸爸评上了特级职称,妈妈当上了先进工作者,涨了两级工资,发了二十斤粮票。
“若若……”
我是古代文献检索专业出来的优秀毕业生,论文答辩我排进全校前十名,导师以我为荣。我不是女学究,不是方睿慈那种形同第四类人种的女博士,虽然我在大学图书馆工作,可我……
“若若!”
有人叫我,在方睿慈的婚礼上,竟然有人叫我。
拍拍脸颊醒酒,我看到两张一样的脸在眼前重叠又分开。站起身,我还记得端起酒杯说祝词。
“新婚……新婚……快乐……”
酒还没喝到嘴里,来人抓着我的杯子放回桌上,又把我按到座位上坐好,俯下身仔仔细细地打量我。
这次我看清楚了,是方睿慈的姐姐方睿智。她也不是伴娘,但是她坐在亲友席。我来晚了,我坐在加桌的小角落里,这桌的红酒昧道特别不好。
“若若?”
“方姐姐……”我傻傻地笑,端起杯子想敬她。
“若若,姐姐跟你说点儿正事!”
方姐姐坐下了,我挪挪椅子打了个酒嗝儿,慌忙捂住嘴。
“若若,咱也老大不小了。”
方姐姐递过来一杯清水,我觉得燥热,咕嘟咕嘟两大口就喝光了。
“若若,姐姐给你介绍个对象吧?”
我被这句话吓了一跳,失手把酒杯碰到地上摔了个粉碎。还好,碎碎平安,大家目光杀过来,又很快转开,继续觥筹交错。
我的小宇宙在旋转,半天没有消化方睿智的话。我不是没相过亲,可是今天是我生日,我二十七岁了,偏巧方睿慈这个在读女博士选在这一天出嫁,无论如何不该有人再戳我的痛处了。我没结婚,还没人要我呢。
我半天没回话,酒店的服务员蹲在我的脚边收拾酒杯的碎渣。我眯着眼欣赏着她盘在脑后乌黑的发髻,上面如果再簪一朵珠花就赶上古代美人了。我想着古代美人,更觉得自己落寞了。
“若若!”方睿智的声音在我耳边放大。她推推我的肩,指着正台当中的一桌,附耳过来,“若若!你给我好好看看!就是他,杨宪奕!”
我看不清那张遥远的脸,方睿智说的那个名字五秒钟以后我就忘了,根本没有放在心里,只顾着继续喝酒。
婚礼上我承受了视觉和内心的双重刺激。虽然方睿慈一再邀请我去新家坐坐,但被我婉言谢绝了。
临走的时候,借着最后一分清醒,我把手头几个人攒的大红包塞给她。其实也不算多,几千块而已。比起我们分享的四年苦乐,算不得什么。
郑筱萸、钟静、路苗苗、丁璀,她们四个大活人都不来,真是可恨,撂我一个人尴尬难耐。下一次,还不知道会转战参加谁的婚礼,也许是苗苗,也没准是阿璀。哎,总之不会是我的,这一点我可以确定。
出了酒店,门童帮我招手要了出租车。跨上去大半个身子,才发现手包忘在宴桌上了。心里本来就有气,酒也有些上头,这下子更烦了。司机白了我一眼,问我到底走不走。我摇摇晃晃地扶着车门,好不容易站稳,皮笑肉不笑地道了个歉,艰难地把半条腿挪回地上,灰头土脸地往饭店里冲。
今天这一身破打扮,恨死我了!
今早我特意把闹钟调得很早,起来化妆打扮。昨天下午我还去做了个面膜,都只为了这场婚礼。我不想让别人看到我眼角细细的纹路,我不想别人问我穿的是什么牌子的衣服,用的什么价位的眼霜。我想看起来得体大方,像我自己标榜的那样。但这个社会免不了俗套的东西,所以我只能临时抱佛脚,做些蹩脚的功课。
拿着喜帖打车出门的时候,我把自己想象成万能无敌希瑞,虽然我没有哥哥希曼帮衬,但是我也很厉害。我能把《四库全书》的条目索引倒背如流,我能记住《古文观止》里八九成的注解,我翻看过的古籍堆起来比卧室屋顶都要高。我现在给关处长做助理,每天坐在他办公室外间,公事比他还繁忙,偶尔我还帮领导在文件上签名,因为我的字很漂亮,有练过硬笔书法的童子功。

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