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接受不完美的勇气

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★一切取决于自己。人生不是取决于“命运”和“过去”的创伤,而是自己的思考方式。

“自我启发之父”阿德勒带给人勇气的心理学,

已激励百万人获得心智成长。

★阿德勒与弗洛伊德、荣格齐名,并称心理学界三巨头。

对《高效能人士的七个习惯》作者史蒂芬?科维、

人际关系学大师戴尔·卡内基影响至深。

经营管理大师大前研一也深受阿德勒心理学的启迪。

★阿德勒的勇气心理学已横扫日本、台湾地区,

引领心理学类畅销榜,日本书榜五星推荐。

★《遇见未知的自己》作者 张德芬诚意分享

只要改变想法,世界就会骤然改变。

Content Description

一切取决于自己。

人生不是取决于“命运”和“过去”的创伤,而是自己的思考方式。人生没那么困难,是你让人生变得复杂了。其实,人生非常单纯。

“自我启发之父”阿德勒说,人生有“工作的任务”“交友的任务”与“爱的任务”,当我们在任务中陷入困难时,如果还拥有“关心对方,优先考虑对方”的想法,就能生出勇气。

所谓“勇气”,就是克服困难的动力。有勇气,就能面对一切困难,不会坠入人生的黑暗深渊。有勇气,就能不为他人的评价所左右,接受真正的自己,接受不完美的自己。

这本书已激励百万人获得心智成长,带给你突破自我的勇气。

一切取决于自己。只要改变观点,世界就会骤然改变。


Author Description

人力资源顾问,阿德勒学派心理咨询师。以东方哲学与阿德勒心理学为中心,探求“人生学”并推广各种相关活动。著作有《交办的技术》《做事的常识》等书
译者:杨明绮
大学日语专业毕业,赴日本国际型大学上智大学新闻学研究生院进修,目前专事翻译。
代表译作有《超译尼采》《书店不死》《一个人的老后》等书。

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《遇见未知的自己》作者 张德芬诚意分享

只要改变想法,世界就会骤然改变。


Catalogue

目录

Contents


一切取决于自己

──关于“自我决定性”的阿德勒名言


接受真正的自己

──关于“自卑感”的阿德勒名言


隐藏在情感中的目的

──关于“情感”的阿德勒名言


性格能在当下的瞬间被改变

──关于“生活型态”的阿德勒名言


所有烦恼都是人际关系的烦恼

──关于“生活型态”的阿德勒名言


家族就是世界

──关于“家族构成”的阿德勒名言


不能斥责,也不能称赞

──关于“教育”的阿德勒名言


对他人有贡献是让自己幸福的唯一方法

──关于“共同体感觉”的阿德勒名言


拥有克服困难的勇气

──关于“勇气”的阿德勒名言


不必背负他人的课题

──关于“课题的分离”的阿德勒名言


Book Abstract

人生没那么困难,

是你让人生变得复杂了。

其实,人生非常单纯。


其实“人生一点也不辛苦,不痛苦”,是你故意“把自己的人生搞得非常辛苦、痛苦”。

阿德勒举了这样的例子。“有两种方法可以通过高度仅为五英尺(约1.5米)的门,一种是挺直身子走过去,另一种是弯身走过去。若采用第一种方法,势必会撞到门顶。”

也就是说,觉得“人生很辛苦、很痛苦”的人,就像挺直身子穿过门,结果就是撞到头。若能稍微弯身走过去,就能免受皮肉之痛。但大多数人都会怪罪“门太低”,而不是反省其实是没有弯身的自己不好。

那么,什么样的生活方式迫使人生满是辛苦与痛苦?什么样的生活方式能让人生变得单纯?答案实在无法用一段话来表达。恐怕要阅读这本书,才能慢慢了解。

现阶段能传达的是,当下的人生不是取决于“命运”和“过去”的创伤,而是自己的思考方式。正因为如此,只要下定决心,人生就可以变得很单纯。

所以,别再做挺直身子穿过门的事了,也别再“把人生搞得很复杂”就好。



不是因为你不好,而有自卑感。

无论看起来多么优秀的人,多少都会感到自卑。

只要还有目标,当然就有自卑感。


“为什么我这么没用呢……”聪明、开朗、长得又不错的人,却深深为强烈的自卑感所苦,这样的例子屡见不鲜。

无论是谁都有自卑感,为什么呢?因为人总会无意识地抱持这样的目标:“我想成为这样的人,我想过着这样的人生。”

目标往往比现况来得高远。即便是人们眼中一帆风顺、似乎不需要再企求什么的人,心中也抱持着更高远的目标。也就是说,正因为目标永远不会有达成的一天,所以自卑感油然而生。

此外,人在孩提时期也会因为与父母、哥哥姐姐做比较,而怀有自卑感。

“大人可以轻松地做任何事,我却什么也不会……”

小时候面对大人时怀有的自卑感,会烙印在心里。

“我是个没用的人”“反正再怎么努力,也无法追上……”长大后,心里还是残存着这种自卑感。

由此可见,自卑感不是“大大不如他人的人,特有的东西”,其实不只你,身边看似完美、优秀的人,大家都抱持着“主观的认定”,这就是一种自卑感。


“勇气”就是克服困难的活力,

缺乏勇气的人,一遇到困难,

就会坠入人生的黑暗深渊。


人活着,就会遇到困难。工作的任务、交友的任务、爱的任务……各种困难接踵而至。借由困难,考验我们的共同体感觉,考验我们身陷困难时,是否还拥有“关心对方,以对方为优先考虑”的共同体感觉。我们每天都在接受这样的考验。

阿德勒将这种克服困难的活力,称为“勇气”。只要有勇气,就不会失去共同体感觉,能抱持共同体感觉克服困难。一旦缺乏勇气,就会失去克服困难的活力,选择逃避,选择舍弃共同体感觉,选择轻松的路,逃向人生的黑暗深渊,结果就是沦为犯罪者,或酗酒、患上精神疾病等。

遇到任何人都会面临的困难时,就像站在人生最大的分叉点,你是选择面对困难,抱持共同体感觉,克服困难呢?还是舍弃共同体感觉,选择逃避,坠入黑暗的深渊呢?两者的差别就在于是否拥有“勇气”,而“勇气”决定你的人生。

那么,我们究竟有多大的“勇气”?又能带给周围的人多少“勇气”呢?


Introduction

前言
“自我启发之父”阿德勒为何默默无名?
再也没有像出生于奥地利维也纳郊外的阿尔弗雷德·阿德勒(AlfredAdler,1870-1937)这般,为现代心理学留下莫大的贡献,却默默无闻的伟大人物。
我们就算不熟悉心理学,也听过西格蒙德·弗洛伊德(SigmundFreud,1856-1939)、卡尔·古斯塔夫·荣格(CarlGustavJung,1875-1961)的名字,但大多数人不晓得和这两位并称三巨头的阿德勒。
阿德勒被称为“自我启发之父”,只要读过商业管理经典名著——戴尔·卡耐基的《人性的弱点》《人性的优点》,以及史蒂芬·柯维的《高效能人士的七个习惯》,会发现书里有不少见解与阿德勒的个体心理学(IndividualPsychology)非常相近。此外,以人际沟通术广为人知的教练技巧(coaching)和神经语言程序学(NLP),也很大程度上受到阿德勒心理学的影响。
此外,经营管理大师大前研一刊载于钻石周刊(2008年11月8日号)上的名为《实用心理学》专栏中,曾探讨阿德勒的理论比弗洛伊德更积极,并留下这般评论:
“其实我也是典型的阿德勒学派,要说我有多么阿德勒学派,那就是我不认为人生中有什么‘我办不到的事’。”
阿德勒心理学也被称为“人性心理学的源流”,深受阿德勒影响的心理学家不知凡几,代表性人物有马斯洛(AbrahamHaroldMaslow)、弗兰克尔(ViktorEmilFrankl)、罗杰斯(CarlRansomRogers)、阿尔伯特·艾利斯(AlbertEllis)、亚伦·贝克(AaronT.Beck)、艾瑞克·伯尔尼(EricBerne)、艾利西·佛洛姆(ErichFromm)、威廉·葛拉瑟(WilliamGlasser)等人。
虽然阿德勒的理论带给后世深远的影响,身为源流的阿德勒却鲜为人知。曾在加拿大任医学院心理学教授的艾伦伯格的著作《发现无意识──动力精神学的源流》一书中提到:
“阿德勒的成就遭众人抹杀,他所催生出来的东西全都成了其他学者的成就,这是一种无法解释的现象。”
“像阿德勒这样,自己研究出来的理论被全方位剽窃,却没有人向他道歉的例子还真是少有。套用一句法文用语来形容十分贴切,他的学说犹如‘公家采石场’(unecarrièrpublique),意思是谁都可以面不可改色地从他的学说中攫取什么。而且奇特的是,就连向来会仔细列出引用出处的专家学者,也不想说明自己的论述引用自阿德勒心理学(个体心理学)。”
阿德勒自己对于自创的理论被别人引用一事,似乎宽容看待,不太在乎的样子。
他曾说:
“也许会有没人想起我的名字之时,即使有阿德勒学派存在,我的名字也可能被忘记,但就算这样也无所谓,因为在心理学领域工作的所有人,都会像是和我一起学习般,进而付诸行动吧。”
阿德勒为何名气比不上成就的理由,还有各种解释。
由于阿德勒留下来的论文和著作不多,而且阿德勒在他的理论被体系化之前便去世。
有别于弗洛伊德,阿德勒并无自成强势的学派。
由于纳粹迫害犹太人的缘故,许多阿德勒派的追随者惨遭屠杀。
因此,能借由此书介绍名气不大却留下伟大成就,堪称“跨越时代,世纪先驱”的阿德勒心理学,个人深感荣幸。
本书不同于一般学术书以及心理学入门书,是用比较浅显易懂的词汇和说法,“超译”阿德勒与他的门生与徒子徒孙说过的话语。哪怕只是多一位读者也好,希望抗拒心理学与学术书的人也能轻松阅读本书。
本书的遣词用句极为简单明快,或许会给人一种“理所当然”的感觉,但“理所当然”才是事实,才是答案。
据闻有这么一段轶事。
有位听众听完阿德勒的演讲之后,说道:
“今天演讲的内容不都是些大家早就知道的事(常识)吗?”
阿德勒回道:
“所以说,常识有什么不好呢?”
小仓广
2015年2月


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Jingdong book