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Jingdong book

正向教养:不抱怨不生气,轻松教出优秀孩子的秘密

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《正向教养:不抱怨不生气,轻松教出优秀孩子的秘密》是国内第一本提倡“正向教养”教育理念的原创家教读物。掌握正向教育法,可以不抱怨不生气,轻松教出优秀孩子。
Content Description

有人就“父母是怎样对待孩子的错误的”这一问题所做的调查表明:在孩子犯错误、有过失或者违纪时,能采用正面引导的父母只占总数20%左右;而严肃批评,甚至体罚的父母却占65%以上;还有5%的父母采取不理不睬,听之任之的态度。由此看来,在中国家庭中,提倡和普及正面教育确是刻不容缓的。
Author Description

成墨初,家教畅销书作家。
亲子教育从业者和践行者。
多家教育机构顾问。
多种刊物特邀撰稿人。
出版亲子教育专著40余种。
作者专注于家庭成功教育、青少年心理健康等领域的研究,被誉为“最会讲故事的教育人”。他以“有感动、有感悟”为创作原则,创作集实用性和娱乐性于一体的故事化新文体,让读者在“悦读”中学到教子智慧。作品以故事见长,说理精辟。
Catalogue

第一部分 正面教养的9大原则
原则01:“你真没用”——正向教育是培养成功者的教育
原则02:“我不爱学习是你逼的”——孩子的“问题”源自父母的“负”教育
原则03:“书烂了没事,吸取教训就好”——犯错误就是孩子成长的过程
原则04:“我相信女儿会主动上床”——对孩子永远抱着“正”心态
原则05:“看你每次都这样做,我就学会了”——在潜移默化中实施正面影响
原则06:“我也要做个好人”——在孩子心中播下真善美的种子
原则07:“还是爸爸了解我”——深入了解孩子
原则08:“妈妈,你不爱我了吗”——全面接纳孩子
原则09:“她不配做我的妈妈”——建立和谐亲子关系
第二部分 教子必须掌握的20种“正”手段
手段01:“妈妈说我是个大笨蛋”——给孩子贴上“正”标签
手段02:“成绩那么糟糕,再孝顺也是白搭”——关注孩子的闪光点
手段03:“好!今天比昨天快”——表扬孩子的每一个小进步
手段04:“你抽烟,为什么不让我抽”——以身示教,以身作则
手段05:“我都忘记你是爸爸啦”——做孩子的朋友
手段06:“我真不喜欢学习英语啊”——因材施教,顺应天性教孩子
手段07:“把水洒在地上,屋里潮,身上容易起疙瘩”——用说服改变孩子
手段08:“我家桐桐最懂事了”——在他人面前赞扬孩子
手段09:“我真佩服你如此努力”——赏识孩子的努力
手段10:“我的理想是当服装设计师”——激励孩子积极进取
手段11:“都快干了,没事啦”——包容孩子的过失与缺点
手段12:“我教你拿杯子,就不会摔坏啦”——给孩子犯错误的机会
手段13:“不,我要穿那件白裙子”——给孩子自由
手段14:“你坚持做自己感兴趣的事对了”——尊重孩子的兴趣爱好
手段15:“养个畜生也比你强”——尊重孩子的人格
手段16:“你是个乐于助人的好孩子”——用暗示法塑造孩子的好行为
手段17:“我想看看声音是从哪里出来的”——设身处地为孩子着想
手段18:“当然喜欢懂事的哥哥啦”——引导孩子改变不良习惯
手段19:“来,爸背你过去”——用深沉的爱感动孩子
手段20:“我食言是向你学习的结果”—— 一诺千金,父母说话要算数
第三部分 把握育人“正”本,塑造孩子的13种好品质
品质01:“妈妈相信你一定能行”——培养孩子的自信
品质02:“真是个窝囊废”——帮孩子建立自尊的品质
品质03:“我的这些钱都捐出去”——教孩子习得博爱的行为
品质04:“你应该有点儿架子才对啊”——塑造孩子谦恭的美德
品质05:“她要喝自己倒”——教孩子从小学会孝顺
品质06:“你不笨,只是没有勤奋学习”——培养孩子勤奋的习惯
品质07:“妈妈辛苦了,我再倒杯热水给你喝”——教孩子懂得感恩
品质08:“妈妈,我忍得住”——培养孩子坚强的品格
品质09:“把垃圾扔在地上,自己捡起来”——让孩子承担起责任
品质10:“撒谎怎么了”——引导孩子学会诚实
品质11:“是小妹妹先打那个男孩的”——培养孩子正直的品质
品质12:“你的芭比娃娃落下了”——教孩子为人善良
品质13:“后悔也于事无补”——引导孩子拥有乐观的心态
第四部分 解决影响孩子成长的18个典型“负”问题
问题01:“她可学不了,不是这块料”——去除孩子自负的毛病
问题02:“我是不是很难看”——消除孩子的自卑心理
问题03:“我们都讨厌她”——教孩子远离自私
问题04:“我就想和她对着干”——让孩子的叛逆无处存身
问题05:“小雪拍马屁,才有人选她”——不让嫉妒吞噬孩子的心灵
问题06:“我家新买了一辆赛车呢”——避免虚荣使孩子陷入困境
问题07:“你是在哪里学的,我也要学”——不让浮躁影响孩子成功
问题08:“我现在就要喝”——教孩子不再任性
问题09:“我先写语文,还是先写数学”——去除孩子依赖的行为
问题10:“我胆小,害怕表演不了”——使胆小的孩子变得胆大
问题11:“是因为前街那个王八蛋”——让骂人的孩子学会文明
问题12:“你看,那上面有我的名字”——引导贪玩的孩子热爱学习
问题13:“你是不想去叔叔家吗”——让磨蹭的孩子提高速度
问题14:“我哭真的很难看吗”——纠正孩子爱哭的毛病
问题15:“他们也只吃自己喜欢的食物”——让孩子不再挑食
问题16:“难吃就扔了吗”——杜绝孩子浪费的恶习
问题17:“有报酬累也值得啊”——去除孩子拜金的思想
问题18:“一下网就没了精神”——教孩子不再恋网
第五部分 绕开“负”教养的12个陷阱
陷阱1:“是不是又欠抽了”——打骂孩子
陷阱2:“以后再撒谎,就不要你了”——威胁、恐吓孩子
陷阱3:“你跳舞会让人笑掉大牙的”——嘲讽孩子
陷阱4:“说你一百遍了,还是不听”——唠叨、抱怨不休
陷阱5:“昨天刚批评了你,今天又犯了”——翻孩子的旧账
陷阱6:“为什么妈妈喜欢小梅,不喜欢我”——拿孩子随便比较
陷阱7:“这孩子,被我们宠坏了”——对孩子溺爱、娇宠
陷阱8:“不要动我的东西”——侵犯孩子隐私
陷阱9:“你觉得好你学”——把愿望强加到孩子身上
陷阱10:“你就是我们全部的希望”——对孩子期望值过高
陷阱11:“你还没给我劳动报酬呢”——物质奖励失当
陷阱12:“输了往我身上撒气”——拿孩子当出气筒
Introduction

“正”教养PK“负教养”
一个周末,我和妻子准备带女儿去爬山,我问孩子:“桐桐,你想去爬香山吗?”桐桐思考了一下说:“我想去。”
接着,我们一家三口就出发了。香山虽然不太高,但爬起来还是挺累,我和妻子走着腿都打颤,更不要说五岁的孩子了。
但令我们欣喜的是,桐桐在整个爬山的过程中,却一声都没喊累,有时候走得比我们俩都快,玩得十分开心。回家之后,桐桐说脚有些疼,我帮她脱下鞋看时,才发现女儿脚下磨出了水泡。
我想:多么坚强的孩子啊,在整个爬山的过程之中,脚都磨出了泡,可一次都没有主动叫停。
相反,去年十一放假期间,因为我与妻子要出去办事,不方便带上桐桐。妻子没和孩子商量,就擅自决定把她送到我弟弟家,让她奶奶看着。
桐桐知道后,不愿意去。但最终拗不过妈妈,只好随她一起前往。可是,桐桐满心的不高兴,一路上看东望西,磨磨蹭蹭,一会儿说累,还让妈妈背,有意和她作对。结果,妻子既没把孩子送去,我们也没能办成事情。
第一个例子,是“正”教养的良好结果,因为我尊重孩子,所以她十分配合,即便脚上磨出了泡,孩子还是忍着疼痛,大步向前。这样既显得孩子懂事,也衬托出父母教育有方。
第二个例子,是“负”教养的不好后果。孩子因为没有受到尊重,有意与妈妈作对,故意拖大人的后腿。这样孩子不可爱,妈妈面上也无光。之所以出现这样的结局,与其说孩子有问题,不如说大人的教养方式有问题。
孩子身上的许多问题,是父母“负”教养方式的副产品。你如果不采取负面教育的方式,孩子的问题也就随之消除了。
所谓正向教养,就是通过成人的语言、动作、表情、行为榜样等手段和方法,给孩子以正向的影响和激励,让孩子在潜移默化、不知不觉中受到教育。如果孩子身上存在的缺点、毛病以及不良习惯等,在成人的影响下,既能有效地得到纠正,还能避免一些潜在的问题产生。
同时,采取“正”教养方式教育孩子,还会减少你和孩子之间的冲突,使亲子关系融洽,从而提高教育孩子的效果……
由此而发,我写出这本书。本书作为国内第一本有关正向教养理念的原创家教书,是我许多年教育经验的总结,也是我教女心得的提炼。通过自己身边的无数教子实例以及自己的切身感悟,我总结了与孩子说话的各种有效技巧,以帮助父母们实现成功的家庭教育。
本书教你掌握“正”教养必须遵循的一些原则,告诉你一些“正”教养的方法、手段,引导你绕开一些“负”教养的陷阱,从而更有效地帮助你解决孩子身上存在的典型问题,培养孩子良好的品质。
在本书的编写过程中,我得到了一些朋友的帮助和支持,他们是张玉霞、朱德僡、李秀丽、姜玉亮、李甜凤、李彦芳、张建乐、烟爱民、赵光玲、程永虎、顾新民、刘江、张欣、王亚军、张振刚、黄秋月、游红云、张江江、李剑伟、郑道勃、周开宇、张振雷、赵学锋、赵光金、李风云、周伟等,在此一并表示感谢!
由于时间、经验及能力所限,书中难免有不当之处,恳请广大读者朋友批评指正。诚挚地希望此书能够帮助你轻松地培养出一个优秀的孩子,这是我写此书的初衷,最终目的。
成墨初

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Jingdong book