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【繁體】壞心的夫妻消失了(羅德達爾百年誕辰紀念版)

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KingStone

【繁體】壞心的夫妻消失了(羅德達爾百年誕辰紀念版)

Name: 【繁體】壞心的夫妻消失了(羅德達爾百年誕辰紀念版)
Brand: KingStone
SKU: 3136155131
Price: 21.40 USD
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【歡慶羅德．達爾爺爺100歲生日！】
☆英國讀者票選戰勝J.K羅琳的當代文學大師！
☆全系列翻譯成58種語言在世界各地出版、獲獎無數！
☆全球銷量超過2億本！

～風靡世界近40年！羅德‧達爾的經典名作～
～一本集輕鬆、幽默、奇想的傑作～

這對夫妻太誇張啦！不僅長得又髒又醜，還會相互作弄、還無情的惡搞動物！被惹惱的猴子，決定要展開報復了！看這對壞心的夫妻最後如何自食惡果、大快人心！

刁先生和刁太太是一對壞心的夫妻，長得又髒又醜惡，他們除了相互作弄，例如刁太太用玻璃眼珠捉弄刁先生，還捉了一些蚯蚓摻到刁先生的麵條裡；而刁先生則捉了一隻大青蛙放到刁太太的床上……他們還無情的要養在籠子裡的猴子倒立著吃飯、睡覺，如果猴子不服從，就無情的毆打牠們。這惹惱了猴子，牠們決定要展開報復。這對壞心的夫妻最後終於自食惡果。

第一章毛毛臉
第二章刁先生
第三章髒鬍子
第四章刁太太
第五章玻璃眼珠
第六章青蛙
第七章蚯蚓義大利麵
第八章有趣的柺杖
第九章刁太太得了萎縮症
第十章刁太太被拉長
第十一章刁太太被氣球拉升空了
第十二章刁太太隨氣球降落
第十三章刁先生嚇破膽
第十四章房子、樹木和猴子籠
第十五章超強力抱緊膠
第十六章四個黏呼呼的小男孩
第十七章偉大的猴子倒立馬戲團
第十八章大胖鳥前來解救
第十九章刁先生沒有鳥肉派了
第二十章刁先生還是沒有鳥肉派
第二十一章刁先生和刁太太出門買槍
第二十二章木果巫的主意
第二十三章開始大塗特塗黏膠
第二十四章地毯黏上天花板
第二十五章家具也上去了
第二十六章烏鴉飛撲
第二十七章刁家夫婦倒立
第二十八章猴子逃走了
第二十九章刁家夫婦得了威縮症

你不知道的羅德．達爾

內容試閱

毛毛臉

這年頭，有張毛毛臉的男人還真不少。

一個男人有了一張毛毛臉，就很難看清楚他真正的長相了。

或許這就是他刻意讓毛髮在臉上到處橫行的原因，他可不想讓你一眼就認出他來。

不過，這樣一張臉清洗可就麻煩了。

毛髮茂盛的人在洗臉時，就像我們洗頭髮一樣費工夫。

所以，我很想知道，這些毛毛臉男人到底多久洗一次臉？像我們一樣，每個星期一次，在星期天晚上洗嗎？他們會用洗髮精洗嗎？洗完需不需要用吹風機吹乾呢？他們會擦生髮水來預防自己的臉變禿嗎？他們是去美容院修剪臉上的毛髮，還是自己在浴室的鏡子前面，用剪指甲的小剪刀修剪呢？

我不知道。但是，下一回如果你看見毛毛臉的男人時（很可能你一上街就會遇見），或許可以仔細端詳他，開始好好想一想這些事。

刁先生

刁先生就是那種臉上毛髮非常濃密的人。他的臉上除了額頭、眼睛和鼻子之外，全都布滿了茂盛的毛髮，甚至連鼻孔和耳朵都有噁心的毛從裡頭冒出來。

刁先生認為，濃密的毛髮使他看起來特別威嚴又有智慧。但事實上，這兩種特質在他身上完全找不到。刁先生是個令人厭惡的傢伙，他天生就惹人厭，現在雖然已經六十歲了，卻只是比以前更惹人厭罷了。

長在刁先生臉上的毛髮，並不像大多數毛毛臉的男人那樣整齊服貼，它們宛如一根根釘子，像指甲刷的鋼毛一樣，直直竄出來。

那麼，刁先生多久清洗一次這張像指甲刷一般的鋼毛臉呢？

答案是：從來沒有洗過，甚至連星期天晚上也不洗。

他已經不曉得多少年沒有洗過這張臉了。

髒鬍子

你也知道，像你我這種臉上無毛的人，如果不常清洗，頂多也只是髒髒的，沒有什麼大不了。

但是，毛毛臉可就不一樣了。東西常常會沾在毛髮上，尤其是食物。像肉汁那樣的東西會直接滲進毛髮之間，並且待在那裡。你和我可以用餐巾擦一擦，下巴就能馬上恢復原貌，可是毛毛臉男人就沒有辦法了。

如果我們小心吃飯的話，就不會把食物沾得滿臉都是，然而，毛毛臉男人也沒有辦法。下回你仔細觀察那些毛毛臉男人吃午飯就會發現，即使他們把嘴巴張得再大，當他們把一湯匙燉牛肉或淋上巧克力醬的冰淇淋送進嘴裡時，也很難不沾到鬍子。要刁先生吃東西的時候張大嘴巴一點都不難，但結果卻是（因為他從來不清洗自己臉上的毛髮），他臉上的毛髮總是沾著一大堆以前吃過的早餐、午餐和晚餐的食物碎屑。我跟你說，那些碎屑不大，因為他吃東西的時候習慣用自己的手背和袖口擦嘴。不過如果你靠近一點看（雖然我知道你其實不想這麼做），就會看到毛髮上沾著許多乾掉的炒蛋、菠菜、番茄醬、炸魚條、碎雞肝和其他刁先生喜歡吃的噁心東西。

要是你再靠近一點（先生小姐們，請記得屏住呼吸），要是你仔細瞧瞧在他嘴脣上面亂竄的長鬍髭，就可能會看到一些從他虎口中逃脫的大顆粒狀東西，那些東西已經在那裡好幾個月了，像是長了蛆的綠乳酪、發霉的陳年玉米碎片，或是罐頭沙丁魚滑溜的魚尾巴。

因為有了這些東西，刁先生從來不曾真正餓過肚子，他只要把舌頭伸出去，在嘴邊的毛髮叢裡鑽來探去，總是可以找到好吃的食物碎屑來塞牙縫。

我想告訴你的是，刁先生是個又髒又臭的老傢伙。

他還是個非常令人討厭的老傢伙，你很快就會發現了。

刁太太

刁太太也沒有比她先生好到哪裡去。

她當然沒有毛毛臉，真可惜，因為這樣至少可以把她那張嚇人的醜臉遮一遮。

看看她的模樣吧！

你看過臉長得這麼醜的女人嗎？我很懷疑。

然而，有趣的是，刁太太並非天生就有一張這麼醜的臉。其實，她年輕的時候長得還不賴，只是隨著年紀愈來愈老，就變得愈來愈醜了。

為什麼會這樣？讓我來告訴你原因吧。

所謂相由心生，如果一個人心思醜陋，這種醜陋也會開始在臉上表現出來。而且，要是那個人每天、每星期和每年都懷著醜陋的心思，臉就會變得愈來愈醜，愈來愈醜，醜到你連看都不敢多看一眼。

一個心思善良的人，永遠不可能長得醜。你也許會有歪鼻、斜嘴、暴牙和雙下巴，但只要心思善良，這些善良的心思就會像陽光一樣，讓你的臉變得閃閃發亮，而且看起來總是美麗又可愛。

刁太太的臉上就一點光彩都沒有。

她右手拄著柺杖。她常跟人說，這是因為她的左腳底長了疣，走路時很痛。不過真正的原因是，她拄著柺杖是為了方便隨時打東西，像是打狗、打貓和打小孩。

還有玻璃眼珠。刁太太有一顆玻璃眼珠，它總是看著另外一個方向。玻璃眼珠

玻璃眼珠能讓你玩很多把戲，因為你可以隨時把它挖出來，再塞回去。你可以用性命跟別人打賭，所有和玻璃眼珠有關的把戲，刁太太都非常精通。

有一天早上，她趁刁先生不注意的時候，將自己的玻璃眼珠挖出來，丟進刁先生的啤酒杯裡。

刁先生坐在那裡慢慢喝著啤酒，嘴巴四周的鬍子上沾了一圈白色泡沫。他先用袖子擦了擦白色泡沫，再用袖子抹了抹褲子。

「你一定在打什麼鬼主意，」刁太太說。她刻意背對著刁先生，這樣他就不會看見她把玻璃眼珠拿下來了。「每次你變得這麼安靜，我就知道你一定在打什麼鬼主意。」

刁太太說得沒錯，刁先生正挖空心思的打鬼主意。那天，他滿腦子想的都是要怎麼好好捉弄一下自己的老婆。

「你最好小心一點，」刁太太說：「因為我只要發現你在打什麼歪主意，就會像袋熊一樣死盯著你。」

「呃，給我閉嘴，你這個死老太婆！」刁先生說。他繼續喝著啤酒，也繼續運轉邪惡的心思，想著捉弄老太婆的可怕新招術。

突然間，就在刁先生把最後一口啤酒倒進喉嚨的時候，他看見刁太太那顆恐怖的玻璃眼珠，正從啤酒杯底瞪著他。刁先生跳了起來。

「我跟你說過，我會死盯著你。」刁太太咯咯笑著說：「我的眼睛無所不在，你最好小心一點。」

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