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Jingdong book

二孩时代

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二孩时代

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妈妈该如何分配现在倾注于大宝一人身上的爱?
大宝能不能接受生命中突然闯入的小家伙?
三口之家的生活将会发生什么样的变化?
两个宝宝的家庭究竟什么样?
不要焦虑“养孩子太贵!养孩子太累!”
你的孩子们会给你更平和的心态和更淡定的生活智慧。
时间会帮你感慨:“还好我们生了第二个孩子。”
Content Description

自从怀上第二个宝宝开始,我就一直对两个孩子的生活充满好奇:“爸爸妈妈该如何分配现在倾注于哥哥一人身上的爱?”“哥哥能不能接受生命中突然闯入的这个小家伙?”“我们的生活将发生什么样的变化?”“两个宝宝的家庭究竟是什么样的?”作为第一代独生子女的我们,几乎从没有过这样的经历和体验。而从网络、书店,几乎都找不到关于二孩家庭的育儿书籍。那我就自己来写!
在《二孩时代》中,我特别真诚地与二孩父母们分享我作为两个孩子妈妈的成长心路。同时全面展现二胎家庭会面临的、不同于独生子女家庭的生活场景和真实困境,并用最新的心理学研究成果加以解读。希望《二孩时代》能帮助二孩父母们度过角色转变的最艰难时期,并带着广大父母共同感受孩子们带给我们的成长!
Author Description

冯颖,肯德基,大中华区人力资源招聘主管,心理学硕士,国家二级心理咨询师,2005年毕业于浙江大学心理与行为科学院。曾就职于世界500强企业,担任招聘主管职位,著有《HR招聘实务手册》。现为两个孩子的妈妈,深感养育两个孩子的不易,现将多年来陪伴孩子成长的心路历程集结成书,分享给广大二孩父母以及即将拥有二孩的父母。本书从作者的亲身经历出发,结合心理学经典理论与研究成果,对儿童成长、家长自我成长等亲子热点问题进行了深入而细腻的解读,值得所有关注教育、追求自我提升的家长细细品味。
Catalogue

上篇 父母篇
“还好,我们生了两个孩子”
第一个孩子让我醒悟、让我成长,而第二个孩子更是让我验证了我所醒悟所成长的意义和价值!两个孩子真是我们最大的财富。正如台湾作家汪培珽的那本书所说——《还好,我们生了两个孩子》!
一边是狮子,一边是绵羊
养育孩子,真是一次绝佳的自我成长机会,它会把我们儿时与母亲的关系不加修饰地展示出来。而我们的孩子,只是这种关系的载体,他与我的愤怒无关,也与我的焦虑无关。
爸爸的进化
如果有第二个机会,爸爸进入养育中的角色会顺利很多。他们会感激上天给他们再一次的机会,目睹并陪伴二宝的成长。这能让他们作为父亲的角色更加丰满,作为父亲的体验更加完整!
心态,最佳的二孩准备
心态平和、自我认可、内心充满爱的父母,必将拥有热爱生活、热爱自我、热爱探索的孩子。对一个家庭来说,父母教育、父母自我成长是远远重要于孩子早期教育开发的重大事件!心态,绝对是远远重要于经济的二胎准备!
再生一个孩子吧!
再生一个孩子吧,这是一个天然的降低养育焦虑、促进父母自我成长的好机会!父母在第一个孩子身上犯的错误有机会在第二个孩子身上得到调整,在第一个孩子身上得到的领悟有机会在第二个孩子身上得到验证。当我们面对第二个孩子时,我们的经验必然更加丰富、我们的体验必然更加深刻、我们的表现也必将更加自如!
妈妈的自我成长
了解了拜伦·凯蒂的 “一念之转”之后,一切的愁云惨雾烟消云散,原来一切的根源都在于我!当我们自然而然地将一个个负面念头在脑中自动反转,随之而来的喜悦和明朗真的能无声地流淌到对方的心中,一切冲突、矛盾就此烟消云散了!
重历童年
感谢杭杭和睿睿,让妈妈有机会感受我儿时未曾感受过的——当我也爱上光脚踩在地板上的舒适、爱上坐在地上玩游戏的自由、爱上玩到顾不上泥巴雨水的畅快时,我终于回到了我的童年!
来回摇摆的事业心
妈妈终于深切地体会到,母子相处、兄弟相处,终究还是得花时间来试验、调整、磨合的。目前而言,我的事业就是——当个好妈妈!
不公平的比较
“两个孩子有什么不一样吗?”这个问题还真不好回答。因为孩子在不同的发展阶段会呈现出不同的特点。了解敏感期概念对家长来说意义非凡,这些看似淘气、不乖的行为背后,都是孩子们里程碑似的成长节点。这些让父母头疼、烦恼、特别想阻止的行为,将孩子的成长推进到了一个个新的阶段!
妈妈,你爱谁多一些?
两个孩子,让妈妈经历着两种截然不同却又殊途同归的爱。一边是一见钟情,一边是日久生情。一边如火山喷发,一边如细水长流!能拥有两个孩子如此浓烈、如此不求回报的爱,当妈妈的夫复何求?
孩子一定自己带
“孩子一定要自己带”,这也是我对自己的最低要求!作为母亲,不论生一个或两个,如果没法陪伴孩子的成长,生育的意义又
何在?
小家庭的真正形成
二孩爸妈们,请尽情享受四人世界的纷繁乐趣吧!它一定会有烦恼、一定会乱成一团,可只有经历了乱成一团的这个过程之后,我们才会找到自己家庭独特的相处模式,而这一模式将让我们受用一生!
请别干涉爸爸的管教
请别肆意干涉爸爸的管教,爸爸更需要我们的鼓励、我们的支持!如果我们希望有一位并肩作战的战友,请用对待孩子般的耐心去等待并相信爸爸的成长!同样的话从爸爸嘴里说出就是不一样!可能在孩子心中,爸爸就是权威,就是力量!爸爸就是能让他们安心的定海神针!
天哪,我居然带着两个孩子去旅行!
旅行的目的是什么?是为了看到更多的风景,还是为了感受那些触动我们心灵的瞬间?孩子们只是不喜欢旅行中过于频繁地切换,他们不需要用眼睛去记录风景,他们只需要用心灵去感受!
当他们开始打架
所有我们能理解、不能理解的存在都是有意义的!吵架有吵架的意义,打架有打架的意义,搞破坏有搞破坏的意义!
给月子妈妈的忠告
我们的孩子会无条件满足我们对于交流、支持、爱的需求。每天在孩子的快乐情绪感染下,妈妈的心理、生理都会恢复得更好、更迅速!
下篇 手足篇
期待
目睹弟弟或妹妹的出生,真是一次最好的生命教育。对于“我是从哪里来的”这个永恒的生命话题,杭杭得到了最真实、最有安全感的解释,他的内心是如此坦然,“我就是从妈妈肚子里出来的!”
兄弟初识——关系的建立
通过弟弟的出生,杭杭了解了自己的诞生过程,也经历了这三年中最不同寻常的体验和成长。
同伴交往,一生的社交基础——儿童的同伴交往
在生命的前三年,孩子虽然主要与父母交往,但事实上也已经开始了同伴间的相互交往。睿睿很幸运,从出生的第一天开始,就有着一个天天相伴的哥哥,哥哥是睿睿生命中的第一个同伴,也将是伴随一生的最重要的同伴。
一起接纳一种叫“嫉妒”的情绪——儿童的嫉妒1
“嫉妒”是一种奇妙的情绪体验,它与爱紧密相连,又与恨如影随形。是不是让哥哥接受弟弟,就像让我接受老公娶个小老婆回来一样难!天哪——那可真是,太难了!
挽回睿睿心——儿童的嫉妒2
妈妈没有想到,睿睿的嫉妒是如此的强烈!“妈妈抱睿睿,不抱杭杭!”睿睿终于说出了这句话,一把推开杭杭。
再谈嫉妒——儿童的嫉妒3
嫉妒,仍然无处不在。然而,他们吹毛求疵的小要求不都是因为爱妈妈吗?其实,只要他们确信妈妈对我的爱和哥哥(弟弟)的一样多,他们就放心了!不需要多一点,只需要一样多!
冲突,成长的必修课——同伴冲突与解决策略
冲突,无处不在。这些宝贵的冲突带给他们成长,也见证着他们的成长!作为妈妈,在陪伴孩子们成长的过程中,越来越能对他们之间的冲突淡然处之。我想,这也是冲突带给妈妈的成长吧!
永无止境的玩具之争——自我中心与去自我中心
“自我中心”现象是每个人共有的,谁都逃不过。如果家长能理解儿童“自我中心”的必然性和积极意义,如果尊重、等待和陪伴能成为我们面对两个孩子争抢玩具时的态度,孩子们的“去自我中心”会进行得更加顺利,大家所期待的和睦相处才会更快地到来!
游戏,多么重要!——儿童的游戏
“游戏”,不仅仅是孩子们用来打发时间而做的无聊事情。事实上,它对儿童的社会性发展、认知与身体发展都有很大帮助。
异龄同伴,更丰富的人生体验——异龄同伴交往
从小就有手足相伴的孩子,一定会在未来的人际交往中先行一步、更具优势!这才是更有意义的——赢在起跑线上!
最天然的带领者——最近发展区
有一个哥哥或者姐姐,对弟弟妹妹的成长有着超乎寻常的促进作用。这个大家都明白的道理有着一个科学的心理学解释——“最近发展区”。当发现睿睿在用超乎他年龄的语言和勇气正面挑战哥哥时,妈妈感受到了成长的力量。
帮孩子建立合理的消费观——儿童消费心理
关于孩子的购物和消费,这似乎是做父母很难处理周全的一件事。其实,这也是一次建立规则的绝佳机会。更是考验家长耐心、智慧、原则性的关键时刻!
当他们开始了解“规则”——规则的建立
规则之于儿童,就好比阳光之于生物。儿童对于规则的接纳度是相当大的,他们也是相当欢迎规则的。反而成人却是那个固执的、矫情的一方。
爱的初心——儿童的利他行为
儿童的利他行为是多么美妙的烛光,它将点亮孩子的心灵,照亮成长的道路!孩子们敏锐的共情能力让他们展现出如此可爱、如此感人的一面!他们也必定会因为彼此的共情而更加融洽、更加
亲密!
写在最后
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Jingdong book