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经典译林:人性的弱点

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经典译林:人性的弱点

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西方现代人际关系教育奠基人戴尔·卡耐基代表作
20世纪畅销的情商教育经典与社交技巧圣经
Content Description

《人性的弱点》主要讲述了如何构建成功的人际关系,主要包括商务沟通和与人交往的策略,以及如何处理好与家人的关系,从而为你事业的成功打下良好的基础。作为卡耐基成功的励志经典图书、全球自我教育与成人训练的范本,它汇集了卡耐基的思想精华和激动人心的内容,无数读者通过阅读和实践书中介绍的各种方法,不仅走出困境,有的还成为世人仰慕的杰出人士。
Author Description

戴尔·卡耐基(Dale Carnegie, 1888-1955),美国著名的人际关系学大师、西方现代人际关系教育的奠基人。其在1936年出版的著作《人性的弱点》,被西方世界视为社交技巧的圣经。本书自问世以来,已有无数读者通过阅读和实践书中的各种方法走出困境,其中不乏世人仰慕的杰出人士。因此,只要你不断研读本书,相信也可以发掘自身的无限潜力,创造辉煌幸福的人生。
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卡耐基留给我们的绝不仅仅是几本书和一所学校,其真正的价值在于,他把个人成功的技巧传授给了每一个想出人头地的年轻人。
——约翰·F. 肯尼迪(美国第三十五任总统)

戴尔·卡耐基的这些原则如魔术般令人震惊,他改变了3亿人的生活。
——基思·鲁珀特·默多克(美国传媒大亨)

在人类出版史上,任何一本书都无法像卡耐基著作那样如此深入人心;也唯有卡耐基的书,在作者辞世后仍然长期占据我们的排行榜。
——《纽约时报》
Book Abstract

第六章
创造幸福美满的家庭生活
1
唠叨:婚姻走向坟墓的致命因素
七十五年前,法国国王拿破仑三世,即拿破仑·波拿巴的侄子和世上最美丽的女人玛丽·欧仁妮女伯爵夫人堕入情网,并结为秦晋之好。但是,拿破仑三世的智囊们都提醒他,玛丽只不过是西班牙一名不经传的伯爵的女儿。“那又怎样?”拿破仑驳斥道。他认为玛丽的年轻、优雅、魅力及美貌和他是神圣的绝配。他公开向全国表态:“我宁愿要一个我爱的女人,我尊重的女人,也不要一个我对她一无所知的女人。”
拿破仑和他的新娘获得了完美姻缘所该有的一切:健康、财富、权利、声望、美貌、爱情及仰慕。他们圣洁姻缘的炽火光芒四射、史无前例。
可是,这圣洁的炽火很快就转为扑闪的火苗、几近熄灭。拿破仑可以让玛丽·欧仁妮成为皇后,但是,不管是他爱情的力量还是皇冠的威力,都没法阻止她唠叨、乖张的举止。
出于嫉妒和怀疑,玛丽对国王的命令充耳不闻,甚至不能给予国王丝毫的隐私权利。她冲进他的办公室,中断他处理国家事务,她还打断他单独公务,理由是害怕他有可能和别的女人厮混在一起。
她常常跑去见她的姐姐,向她投诉自己丈夫的不是,抱怨、苦恼、唠叨、恐吓……不一而足。她常常跑去国王的书房,谩骂他、怒斥他。拿破仑这位法国君主,这位坐拥大片富丽奢华皇宫的主人,却根本无法找到一个静谧的安身居所。
而在闹腾了这一切之后,玛丽·欧仁妮得到了怎样的下场呢?请在此让我引述E.A.莱茵哈特的宏篇巨著——《拿破仑与欧仁妮:一个帝国的悲喜剧》:
……如此一来,拿破仑常常只有在夜晚时分从侧门偷偷溜出皇宫。他头戴一顶软边帽,帽檐遮住双眼,由他的密友陪同,要么真的是放纵自己和风尘女子厮混,要不就是在大马路上瞎逛,流连于作为皇帝不能见到的景致,狠狠地嗅嗅市井的气息。
这真的是玛丽的活该!她的唠叨成就了皇帝的出轨。没错,她是世上最美丽的女人,但是,在这条唠叨喷发的毒蛇里,美貌不可能让爱情复活。玛丽有可能会歇斯底里般大喊大叫:“我最为惧怕的事情降临到我头上来了。”降临到她的头上?是她自己招惹的,对!是她的猜妒以及唠叨使然。可怜的女人!唠叨是地狱间摧毁爱情最为致命的祸端。唠叨摧毁了一切爱情。唠叨就像恶毒的眼镜蛇,总是在扼杀、毁灭。
同样,列夫·托尔斯泰公爵之妻也意识到唠叨的致命伤,只可惜,她觉悟得太晚了。
临终之际,她向女儿们坦承:“是我害死了你们的父亲。”儿女们无言以对、恸哭流涕。她们明白,自己母亲说的是大实话,也清楚是母亲常年的抱怨、批评及唠叨置父亲于死地。托尔斯泰和妻子本可以幸福地厮守在一起,他是杰出的小说家,他那两部巨著《战争与和平》、《安娜·卡列尼娜》已经载入人类文学史的光辉史册。
托尔斯泰闻名遐迩,崇拜他的人日夜紧随他、记下他的一言一语。甚至,类似“我该休息了”之类琐碎的话语都一一录下。现今,苏联政府已经将其著作结集出版,达一百册之多。
除了名声,托尔斯泰夫妇还享有财富、社会地位和版税,且儿女成群。天底下应该没有哪一桩婚姻生活比他们更为绚烂。起初,他们的幸福生活无与伦比,他们的浓情厚意如胶似漆;他们双双向上苍祈祷、保佑他们的美满生活恒久不变。然而,天有不测之风云。托尔斯泰渐渐变得判若两人,他为自己曾经的著作感到无地自容,继而将个人精力投注到撰写有关倡导和平、铲除贫困和战争的小册子上。
这位大文豪曾经坦承,在其青年时代无恶不作,甚至还杀过人,所以现在他要重新做人,依照上帝的教义行事。他放弃了自己所有的每一寸土地、过起赤贫的田园生活:耕地、伐木、收割草料。他自己做鞋子、亲自打扫屋舍、用自制的小木碗就餐,还尝试着去热爱自己的对手和劲敌。
托尔斯泰悲剧般的人生源于婚姻的不幸。其妻贪图奢华以及社交的虚荣;但在托尔斯泰看来,这些都是虚无的浮华,没有任何意义。妻子渴求金钱、企盼富庶的生活,但托尔斯泰认为拥有财富和资产是罪恶的。所以,他坚持放弃一切版权和版税,这让妻子极为不满,她唠叨、斥责、大喊大闹,经年不绝。她吵着向丈夫要稿费,一旦丈夫反对,她便开始表现出竭斯底里的狂怒;她在地上打滚,嘴角放着一个瓶子 ,威胁说要自杀。
在我看来,托尔斯泰的出走和死亡,是人类家庭生活史中最为悲惨的一幕。如我之前所言,新婚伊始,他们幸福无比。不过,经历了长达四十八年的厮守,托尔斯泰对妻子无常的唠叨忍无可忍。有个夜晚,出于对爱抚的强烈渴求,心力交瘁的老妻向他下跪、哀求他为她朗读优美的爱之呓语,那是五十年前托尔斯泰留在自己日记里的记忆。当托尔斯泰念及那些一去不复返的甜美时光,俩人双双恸哭。现实生活与他们曾经梦寐以求的憧憬,是何等地迥异呀!
八十二岁的托尔斯泰,再也无法容忍家庭生活的悲哀。1910年10月,在一个风雪交加的夜晚,他逃离了他的妻子,走向寒冷、黑暗无边的远方……
十一天之后,在火车站内,托尔斯泰死于肺炎。哪怕就在临终之际,他都不愿让妻子再看自己一眼。这就是托尔斯泰夫人为自己的唠叨、埋怨以及竭斯底里所付出的惨痛代价。
我们读者有可能会认为托尔斯泰夫人不得不唠叨、抱怨。就算事实如此,也没有这个必要。问题是:唠叨能否起到作用?抑或是,唠叨造成了永久的硬伤?
“我确实认为自己当时是疯了。”——这是托尔斯泰夫人事后的醒悟,只可惜她的醒悟来得太迟了。
婚姻的不幸,同样也是亚伯拉罕·林肯一生的悲剧。
在此提醒您:林肯的悲剧并非他遭遇暗杀,而是他的婚姻。就在凶手布思向其开枪时,他内心从没有被暗杀的恐惧。可是,在二十年的婚姻生活里,他几乎每天都是“收获夫妻不和的苦果”——其律师事务所合伙人霍恩顿如是说。“夫妻不和”?这恐怕有点儿轻描淡写了。林肯夫人几乎向他唠叨、谩骂了将近四分之一个世纪。她总是抱怨、批评林肯一无是处:耸肩,走路姿势难看,双腿一瘸一瘸地活像个印第安人。她批评林肯的步态没有朝气、不雅观。她总是以自己在列克星顿芒特夫人学校所受的教育为准绳;她模仿林肯的步态、以取笑他脚尖先落地的走路习惯。
夫人还不喜欢林肯那双硕大的招风耳,还嫌他的鼻梁不够挺直、下嘴唇外翻、外表看上去似个肺痨病人、四肢太长,脑袋太小……
无论从哪一方面来看,亚伯拉罕·林肯和玛丽·托德·林肯都不在一个道上:教养、家庭背景、个人喜好以及心智等等。他们俩总是冲突不断。
已故参议员、林肯时代最具影响力之人阿尔伯特·J.贝弗里奇回忆道:
林肯夫人的尖叫对面街道上的人都听得见,而周围邻居更是可以听到她无休止的怒骂。常常,她的恼怒多是经由言语以外的方式喷泄出来,邻居对其暴力行径的描述比比皆是。
以此为证:林肯夫妇新婚不久租住在斯普林菲尔德一位医生的遗孀雅各布·厄尔利夫人家。厄尔利夫人靠出租房屋为生。
有一天早晨,夫妇俩正在用早餐,林肯一个小动作惹得太太大发雷霆。至于具体是出于何因,现在没人记起。突然间,林肯夫人操起一杯滚烫的咖啡对着丈夫的脸当头泼去。林肯呢,屈辱地呆坐着,一言不发;厄尔利夫人走了过来,用湿毛巾为他擦拭脸颊和衣服。
林肯夫人的妒忌之举非常幼稚,但又激烈得令人难以置信。七十五年之后的今天,任何人只要知悉那么一点点她在公众场合的失态都会因此而惊讶得目瞪口呆。夫人最后精神失常。或许,人们对她的唯一怜悯是:她乖张的脾性源于失常的心智。
夫人的唠叨、责备及怒骂可有改变林肯?确实,林肯改变了一点,那就是,他对夫人的态度。他为自己的不幸婚姻感到悲伤,他不愿看到夫人的出现,因而尽可能少地和她在一起。
斯普林菲尔德地区曾有十一位律师,在当时每个律师都在那里找到饭碗是不可能的,所以,在法官戴维·戴维斯的带领下,律师们常常骑马从这一个村落去到下一个村落开庭。只有这样,他们才有可能接下第八法院区域内所有案件的审理。
这其中的十位法官都会在周六赶回斯普林菲尔德的家和家人共度周末,而林肯是唯一不回家的,他害怕回家。每年的春季整整三个月,以及秋季的整整三个月,他都在外巡回办案,从不靠进斯普林菲尔德一步,年复一年,日复一日,他都是如此。乡村旅舍的居住条件极为恶劣,但是再怎么恶劣,他都觉得比自己的家、夫人的唠叨和她癫狂的坏脾气要好得多。
唠叨摧毁了林肯夫人、托尔斯泰夫人以及玛丽·欧仁妮皇后的家庭生活,唠叨摧毁了她们梦寐以求的幸福。
贝茜·汉堡曾经在纽约市民事法庭主政十一年。通过对上万离异个案的分析,他认为男人离家出走的最主要原因就是忍受不了妻子的唠叨。《波士顿邮报》亦对此有相似的看法:大多数为人之妻总是以“唠叨”的工具一步一步地挖掘着自己婚姻的坟墓。
如果您想维系幸福美满的生活,请不要唠叨!
……

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Jingdong book

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About the brand

Jingdong book