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Jingdong book

李银河说爱情

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Jingdong book

李银河说爱情

Name: 李银河说爱情
Brand: Jingdong book
SKU: 4105044581
Price: 18.78 USD
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★社会学家李银河四十年对于爱情、婚姻、家庭与性领域研究的集大成之作，浓缩了作者毕生的研究积累和人生感悟。

本书透彻探讨了爱情与性、择偶标准、婚外情、生育观念、女性独立等话题，对于当代中国人所面临的婚姻、爱情与性的现实困境，以及相关的社会热点问题，做了极为详细的观察和解读。可谓探讨中国人爱情与性的经典之作，中国女性的必读之书。

真情可贵——爱情不论发生在什么样的人之间，都是一种不可多得的、值得珍视、值得尊重的人类体验，都应当被肯定。

性欲自然——它扎根于人性之中，所有对它的否定，对它的压抑，都是没有道理的。

两性平等——女性要从自身做起，依靠自己的独立工作去争取与男人平等的地位。

★一堂关于爱情、婚姻与性的人生必修课。诸多话题，直指社会痛点。

世界上真的存在爱情吗？一定要有爱才有性吗？选择伴侣的关键是什么？

可以一辈子不结婚吗？不生孩子就是自私吗？无性婚姻有可能幸福吗？出轨必然会受到惩罚吗？遇到性侵、性骚扰怎么办？遭遇家暴怎么办？爱情中女性如何保持自我？

爱情和婚姻是我们一生的谜题。拥有两段让人称羡的爱情的社会学家李银河，以学者的理性和女性的感性，为大家呈现一个包容、多元、耳目一新的婚爱观。

★打破爱的认知边界，开启性的全新视野

本书以崭新的理念和见解、有趣的讲述方式，帮你改变刻板陈旧的理念和关系模式。系统的性知识是大多数人认知缺失的一环，而这恰恰是我们了解自己的钥匙。

★特别收录李银河与年轻人精彩纷呈的答问录。

从数万人的情感难题中，精选具代表性和普遍性的网友提问和李银河的解答，切实解决爱情与婚姻中种种难以启齿的问题。

海报：

Content Description

四十堂关于爱情的必修课，社会学家、学者李银河为你讲透爱情、婚姻与性的本质。

本书是李银河四十年来婚姻、家庭与性研究领域的集大成之作，是作者对毕生的研究积累和感悟做的一次系统的总结。

书中透彻地探讨了爱情与性、择偶标准、婚外情、性少数群体、生育观念、性教育、女性独立等话题。从柏拉图之恋到更加多元化的性取向，从个人愿望与习俗规范之间的冲突，到感情的流动性和婚姻的固定性之间的紧张关系，作者通过讲述中外婚姻制度、爱情观念、性观念变迁的来龙去脉和变化趋势，一窥世界上不同文化的情爱方式，拓宽了看待两性关系的视野，并且对于当今中国人所面临的婚姻、爱情与性的现实困境，以及相关的社会热点问题，做了极为详细的观察和解读。

这里没有艰涩的学术理论，这里有很多有趣的个案，以及作者传奇的爱情经历，帮助你破解现实中的困惑，更透彻地了解爱情和两性问题，走出认识误区，突破人生格局，获得更加幸福的人生。

Author Description

李银河，美国匹兹堡大学社会学博士，中国社会科学院社会学所研究员、教授。主要研究领域为家庭婚姻、性别与性。业余写作小说、随笔和诗。曾被《亚洲周刊》评为“中国具影响力的五十人”之一。

Book Abstract

什么是真爱

经常有人问我，李老师，爱情是什么？说实话，这个问题还真不好回答。毕竟几千年来，有太多人在寻找这个答案，但还是没有一个人能说明白。不过我这些年一直在研究婚姻、性和家庭，对于爱情，的确也是有一些感悟的。

每个人对爱情的看法，多少都来自自己的感情经历。我呢，也有自己的故事。

四十一年前，我认识了王小波，最开始呢，是小波先追的我，我随后也给了他回应。有一次，我看他日记本里夹着一封给我的信，他说，他感受到了我的“那种山呼海啸般的响应”，这让他感觉自己非常幸运。

当年，小波给我写了很多情书，后来都出版了。有人说小波的情话是很热的，热得烫手，比如小波想我的时候就这么写，他说：“你不在我眼前时，我面前就好像是一个雾沉沉、阴暗的海，我知道你在前边的一个岛上，我就喊：‘爱！爱呵！’好像听见了你的回答：‘爱。’”

现在王小波去世二十多年了，回想起当初，我能够得到他对我的激情之爱，我就觉得这真是我一辈子的幸运。

如果一个人真的发生了激情之爱，那个力量真的是无坚不摧的、完全抵挡不住的，跟一般的所谓找对象，考虑这样那样条件的很不一样。

我以前跟一个年轻人说我的这些经历，那个年轻人就说，李老师你这种爱情太可遇不可求了，现在有这种激情之爱的人不多啊，很多人是挺一般的爱情，谈不上灵魂之爱这么高大上的。

在我看来，这种激情之爱发生的概率也许真的不太高。按亲密关系的程度，我把人们的爱情分成三个层次：好感、喜欢和激情之爱。

比较低的层次就是好感。我觉得你这个人还不错，可以跟你在一起，这就是好感。

第二个层次是喜欢，就是觉得挺喜欢对方的，感情上也挺温柔的，但是没有太多激情，这是喜欢。比如我上大学的时候遇到了我的初恋，当时我特别激烈地爱他，但是他不怎么爱我，有点儿像单恋似的。而在我这一方，觉得还是发生了激情之爱，就是会有很多迷恋，而他对我也就是在喜欢这个层次上。后来我和王小波在一起了，就有点儿暗暗庆幸：幸好我这初恋是失败的，不然恐怕就碰不到小波了。

第三个层次我称之为激情之爱，它才是最高阶段的爱，比如我们经常说的坠入情网之类的话。所谓坠入情网有一种迷恋的成分，有一种非理性的迷恋，所以有人会说一见钟情。实际上，激情之爱在现实生活中发生的概率并不是很高。但是我就这么幸运地经历到了几次。

我对爱情的理解是，它是一种两个人情投意合、心心相印的感觉，是一种两个人合二为一的冲动。倒也不是什么神秘的东西，很大程度上就是这么一种冲动的感觉。而且这种爱情的冲动，是人际关系吸引中最强烈的一种形式，是一个人对另一个人产生的最高级别的具有浪漫色彩的情感。

有些人对激情之爱有一点儿质疑，怀疑它只不过是一种夸张的幻觉而已。有一次我偶然看到一本书，上面有一位欧洲的电影导演说的一句话，他说，爱情从来都是单方面的。这种说法挺叫人意外的，但也不是完全没有道理。你想啊，当激情之爱发生的时候，你就跟戴了放大镜似的，会把对方的优点剧烈地夸大，中国古话说，情人眼里出西施，就是这个意思。法国作家普鲁斯特也表达过类似的想法，他说：所有陷入情网的人，爱的不是真实的对象，而是自己心目中虚构的对象，是自己的感觉本身。那么按普鲁斯特这个逻辑来说，好像所有的爱情都是一种自恋了。

那么我们应当如何看待爱情这件事呢？我觉得就算将来研究最终表明，“爱”这种感觉不过是一种错觉而已，我也依然要赞美“爱”这样一种心理过程。我这么多年的研究也让我明白了，对于体验过爱情这种心理过程的人来说，有爱和没爱的界限在他们的心里就像是黑和白一样分明，就像刀劈斧砍的刻痕一样清晰，就像天上的太阳一样明亮、一样真实。有一天我想你也会到我这个年纪，逝水流年，这么多年的岁月里留下来的最珍贵的东西是什么呢？说到底，我想，还是爱情。

在我看来，爱情不论发生在什么样的人之间，无论是同性异性、年老年轻、婚内婚外、两人还是多人，它都是一种不可多得的，所以值得珍视也值得尊重的人类体验。爱情的当事人有时不得不为了其他的价值牺牲掉爱，好比说《廊桥遗梦》里的女主人公，为了家庭价值牺牲了爱，但是爱情本身没有罪。如果一桩爱情发生了，那它就是发生了，它在实际生活中不但不应该因为任何原因受责备，而且从审美的角度来看，它肯定是美的。这就是我的爱情观。

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