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Jingdong book

相信改变会发生:养育完整而富有灵性的孩子

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相信改变会发生:养育完整而富有灵性的孩子

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★打破原生家庭教养模式延续。
我们从父母那里学习如何做父母,于是教养模式像基因一样代代相传。很多发生在我们身上的问题,随着爱一起,传递到了孩子身上。相信改变会发生,相信我们每个人,包括孩子,都能以更适合自己的方式好好生活。这种信念将帮助孩子成长为内在完整而富有灵性的人,也将带给父母一场全新的幸福体验。
★国内首部萨提亚亲子应用图书。
作者把萨提亚模式的精髓——积极正向、人性化、对生命的理解和尊重——倾注书中,通过对常见的养育困惑的解析,让父母可以了解到不同处理方式带来的不同效果,看到孩子成长需要哪些重要的心理营养,以及如何提供适当的心理支持。
★全球知名萨提亚导师约翰?贝曼作序推荐。

Content Description

面探讨教养之道,作者把萨提亚模式的精髓——积极正向、人性化、对生命的理解和尊重——倾注书中。通过对常见的养育困惑的解析,让父母可以了解到不同处理方式带来的不同效果,看到孩子成长需要哪些重要的心理营养,以及如何提供适当的心理支持。

Author Description

杨莉,国家二级心理咨询师,BSCMC认证萨提亚模式咨询师,全国首届萨提亚大会主题演讲嘉宾,中国萨提亚模式高峰论坛主题演讲嘉宾,中央财经大学培训学院客座专家。
经常担任约翰·贝曼、安娜等全球知名萨提亚导师的助教及教学翻译工作,协助他们培训本土萨提亚模式专业咨询师以及社会公开课程。在亲子关系、亲密关系等领域授课超过六年,为个人、夫妻和家庭提供个案咨询。
为《心理育儿》《时尚育儿》等杂志撰写专栏文章。2010年,在SATIRJOURNAL上发表研究论文《在中国应用萨提亚模式进行心理治疗》。

Comments

★这本书给了读者一个清晰而充满希望的架构。透过这一架构,父母可以更了解孩子,准备好做一个成功的父母,用一种能够创造出更健康、更快乐、更成功的结果的方式与孩子互动。
——约翰·贝曼 全球知名萨提亚导师

★在这本书中,通过对常见的养育困惑的解析,让父母可以了解到不同处理方式带来的不同效果,看到孩子成长需要哪些重要的心理营养,以及如何提供适当的心理支持,以帮助孩子建立健康阳光的内在品质。
——魏敏 萨提亚北京齐家盛业教育与应用中心创始人

★当我看到这本书时非常欣喜,作者把萨提亚的积极理念、内在冰山理论、人际沟通理论、身体雕塑技术等,灵活地应用于亲子教育之中。这本书是作者奉献给广大父母的一份爱的礼物,愿更多的父母接受这份礼物,陪伴孩子们健康成长。
——蔺桂瑞 首都师范大学心理咨询中心教授

★这是好友杨莉带着爱心写作的一本书。她用自己的生命智慧,与天下父母分享亲子互动的经验。书中不仅蕴含着一位母亲对自己孩子的爱,更蕴含着一位萨提亚传播者对每个中国孩子的爱。
——郝宗媛 贝曼萨提亚中国管理中心执行助理

Catalogue

推荐序一
推荐序二
自序 爱,让一切成为可能
导言 萨提亚模式简介
第一章 自尊自信
Part One 父母的态度是一面镜子
凹透镜照出“矮子”
凸透镜照出“巨人”
哈哈镜照出混乱
平面镜前才是真实的自己
萨提亚雕塑课堂:别让“理想样子”遮挡爱的平面镜
Part Two 满足深层渴望:安全、接纳、我是重要的
安全
永远不说抛弃
孩子不是“出气筒“
哭是真实的情绪表达
接纳
不为难孩子的天性
说真话才坦然
没有缺点,只有特点
我是重要的
重视孩子的感受
谁都可以发表意见
敢于提要求
第二章 自主自立
Part One 处理好期待才能放下心、放开手
“听话”的要求来自父母的期待
不是所有愿望都要满足
顺应孩子的心理成长阶段
萨提亚雕塑课堂:调整期待,激发孩子的内在力量
Part Two 满足深层渴望:信任、欣赏、支持
信任
没有坏孩子
自己选择好朋友
享受当下的快乐
欣赏
欣赏品质而不仅仅是行为
无需比较
拒绝有目的的夸奖
支持
用建议代替决策
在脆弱的时候给予爱
做不到很正常

第三章 规则和界限
Part One 界限清晰促进内在完整
真正享受规则和界限带来的好处
行为自由不等于内心自由
健康的设限方式
善用界限处理好三世同堂
萨提亚雕塑课堂: 当孩子因愿望得不到满足而哭闹时
Part Two满足深层渴望:自由、乐趣、尊重
自由
接触真实生活
会想象,敢表达
尊重孩子的选择
乐趣
爱玩才会乐享生活
呵护学习兴趣
快乐的父母是最好的榜样
尊重
每个孩子都是独一无二的
难堪的感觉很伤人
自主带来力量感
第四章 情绪管理
Part One 有稳定的情绪才能给予稳稳的爱
情绪是信使
萨提亚模式下的情绪管理
做孩子的情绪教练
萨提亚雕塑课堂:以一致性状态面对孩子的负向情绪
Part Two满足深层渴望:理解、认可、亲密
理解
发脾气是有原因的
言行问题来自于内在
接纳期待,但不一定要满足
认可
拒绝的态度会让坏情绪变得更坏
倾听孩子的意见
换个方式满足渴望
亲密
分享内心世界
评判性反应导致关系疏离
家庭和睦最重要
第五章 适应社会
Part One 与孩子共同成长
成为好的决策者
建立和谐融洽的人际关系
真正有效的沟通
增进亲密感的五种语言
萨提亚雕塑课堂:教会孩子建立和谐融洽的人际关系
Part Two满足深层渴望:归属、联结、性
归属
让孩子参与家庭互动
交朋友不戴“有色眼镜”
学校就是小社会
联结
敞开心扉与人交往
与大自然亲密接触
不要对环境充满抱怨

告诉孩子生命来源的真相
恰当处理自慰现象
用健康的态度对待“性”
结语 送给孩子两样最好的礼物
后记

Book Abstract

第一章 自尊自信
凹透镜照出“矮子”
在《爱与秩序》一书中,福斯特?克林纳(美国精神心理医师)提出“教官式父母”的概念:“他们吹毛求疵、严格管控……许多人在长大成人的过程中,家长都扮演了教官的角色。”教官式父母最典型的行为特征是指责和光讲道理。
当我们总是指责时,就会把焦点放在孩子的“不是之处”上,忽略孩子的感受。我们希望孩子意识到并承认自己错了,不要像现在这个样子,而应该像我们想象中理想的样子。有时候,我们甚至希望孩子的自我感觉很糟糕,因为也许只有深入内心的痛,才能促使他彻底改正缺点。这个时候,我们经常这么说:
你怎么又没做好?怎么这么笨?!
你又打人了,真是个坏孩子!
你就是不如××,你看他多好!你要是有他一半,我就知足了!
而当我们光讲道理时,会把焦点放在“道理”和“应该”上,不但忽略了孩子的感受,也忽略了我们自己的感受——在萨提亚模式中,这种沟通方式称为“超理智”。我们希望孩子各方面都好:性格好、听话、具备很多美德,甚至达到“完美”;希望孩子不要有太多感受,因为感受越多越敏感、越脆弱,没有感受反而更坚强、不受伤害;还希望孩子能讲道理、不感情用事。这个时候,我们经常这么说:
哭有什么用,还是想想该怎么办吧!
孩子就应该把书读好,不要想那么多杂七杂八的事情!
我身边多少例子都证明了,现在贪玩不用功,将来肠子悔青了也没用!
当我们总是用指责和超理智的方式对待孩子时,就会在他面前竖立起一面凹透镜。
从父母的态度中,孩子可能读到“我不够好”,长此以往,他的自我价值感就会偏低。正如两位著名的心理学导师麦基卓和黄焕祥在《懂得爱》一书中所言:“凹透镜的映射作用让孩子怀疑自己、责备自己、低估自己,甚至可能一生都活在这样的阴影之下。”
特别需要指出的是,有些父母崇尚“挫折教育”,认为要让孩子承受很大压力、经历很多挫折,才能锻炼他们的抗压能力,才能有助于将来很好地适应社会。这些父母从不轻易表扬孩子,因为担心他会产生自满情绪,不利于孩子的成长。其实,这些做法并不符合“挫折教育”的初衷。“挫折教育”是要“吸取教训”,而不是“找错”,但是有些父母和老师,不放过任何批评孩子的机会,甚至故意制造环境来让孩子品尝失败的滋味。研究表明,青少年持续体验失败很可能导致他们出现强烈的负向情绪,包括但不限于抑郁、愤怒等,他们会感觉自己不好或产生攻击的冲动,更糟糕的情况是对生活失去兴趣。
……

Introduction

爱,让一切成为可能
感恩我的女儿,让这本书的出版成为可能。
十年前,我活在别人眼中还算完美的世界:工作稳定,收入丰厚,事业蒸蒸日上;有车有房,旅游、美食、玩乐,生活无忧;老公虽然很忙,但对我很好,二人世界过得吵吵闹闹却又欢欢喜喜。然而不知为何,我的内心时有空虚、焦虑和烦躁。
女儿出生后,我的世界发生了翻天覆地的变化:那娇小柔弱的生命,唤醒了我心中强烈的爱。之前所有给我带来愉悦满足的外在东西,都不及这爱来得深沉、有力。我想好好爱这可爱的小生命,又怕爱不好她。
为了照顾好女儿,我们请了保姆,我爸妈也过来帮忙。工作繁忙,需要投入大量时间、精力;生活中的关系变得复杂,对老公也变得要求更多、失望更多;女儿还时不时地发脾气,让我无从应对……有时候,我真的感觉自己焦头烂额,情绪很糟。
就这样爱着、欢乐着、焦虑着、无奈着,一直到女儿两岁多,上了孙瑞雪幼儿园。有一天,老师找到我,说女儿缺乏安全感,不愿意与别的孩子交流。我的心跌到了谷底,内疚、害怕、焦虑、心痛……多重感受混杂在一起,快要把我淹没。于是,我开始疯狂地找办法,看各种书,想让女儿调整过来,让她改变。但是情况并未好转,反而因为我的焦虑,女儿变得更紧张了。直到某天,我问一位老师怎么才能让女儿有安全感,她反问:“你有安全感吗?”就在这时,我感觉到一种从里到外的震动,眼泪夺眶而出:是的,我自己就缺乏安全感!老师说:“等你有了安全感,你的女儿就会改变。”
从那时起,我把焦点放在了自己身上,开始了内心成长的旅程。
十年后的今天,我活在一个充满爱和希望的新世界:我所做的每件事,都是我乐意选择的;我与自己温柔相处,好好地爱自己;我与老公、女儿相互珍惜,彼此滋养,彼此支持;我感恩生命,仔细品味着爱,并显化着爱;我聆听内心的声音,做真正的自己。
女儿呢?她喜欢交朋友,真诚友爱地对待每个人;宽容大度,很容易原谅别人;有自己的主见,对自己负责;真实一致,放松地做自己。学校每年颁发的奖状记录着她的成长:优雅奖、认真品质奖、友善奖、仁爱奖、淡定自若奖、聪慧奖、最具领导力奖……她也在聆听内心的声音,做真正的自己。
我和女儿之间的关系变得更亲近、更放松、更愉悦。当然,我们仍会遇到各种各样的问题和挑战,也会经历恐惧、担心、愤怒、失望、难过等情绪,但我们可以真诚分享,一起面对、解决问题。
感恩女儿和我心中的爱,让这一切发生。而促成这一切的,是萨提亚模式。萨提亚模式的核心理念是:人性本善,人们拥有成长所需的一切内在资源。它提供有效的途径和办法,帮助人们与自己的内在资源联结,运用内心的力量转化“问题”或“症状”,从而达到内在和谐的状态,促进家庭及人际之间和睦,乃至整个世界和平。
2008年,我走进了萨提亚课堂,我的生命由此发生了深刻的改变。在改变的过程中,我常常感慨家庭对人的影响如此深入骨髓,如果父母能够意识到自己的行为正在塑造孩子,他们就会有所选择。于是,我将自己七年来在亲子关系中的成长历程,和作为咨询师、培训师帮助父母成长的经验总结提炼成这本书,分享给大家。一方面,希望能够让跟我一样深爱孩子,却又有着太多困惑和焦虑的父母,看到一些新的可能性;另一方面,也希望能够帮助父母,帮助所有孩子更快乐、更健康、更成功。
萨提亚模式是一门探寻“事情原本是怎样的”学问,因此,我邀请你带着好奇来品味这本书。当你看清亲子关系中“事情原本是怎样的”,就无需责备自己之前没做好,或者担心已给孩子造成伤害,因为就生命的深层意义而言,所有发生的都是最好的,都是孩子和你成长所需,重点在于当下可以重新选择。联结并相信心中的爱,它会让你知道怎样的选择最适合自己,最能显化出对孩子的爱。
爱,让一切成为可能!

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Brand Jingdong book
Brand Origin China

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    2-Day Express (Includes Alaska & Hawaii) starts at $19.99.

Return Policy

You may return product within 30 days upon receiving the product. Items returned must be new in it's original packing, including the original invoice for the purchase. Customer return product at their own expense.

Sold by JD@CHINA

Service Guarantee

Yami Cross-store Free Shipping over $69
Yami 30-days Return

Yami-China FC

Yami has a consolidation warehouse in China which collects multiple sellers’ packages and combines to one order. Our Yami consolidation warehouse will directly ship the packages to your door. Cross-store free shipping over $69.

Return Policy

You may return products within 30 days upon receiving the products. Sellers take responsibilities for any wrong shipment or missing items. Packing needs to be unopened for any other than quality issues return. We promise to pack carefully, but because goods are taking long journey to destinations, simple damages to packaging may occur. Any damages not causing internal goods quality problems are not allowed to return. If you open the package and any quality problem is found, please contact customer service within three days after receipt of goods.

Shipping Information

Yami Consolidation Service Shipping Fee $9.99(Free shipping over $69)

Sellers in China will ship their orders within 1-2 business days once the order is placed. Packages are sent to our consolidation warehouse in China and combined there. Our Yami consolidation warehouse will directly ship the packages to you via UPS. The average time for UPS to ship from China to the United States is about 10 working days and it can be traced using the tracking number. Due to the pandemic, the delivery time may be delayed by about 5 days. The package needs to be signed by the guest. If the receipt is not signed, the customer shall bear the risk of loss of the package.

Sold by JD@CHINA

Service Guarantee

Free shipping over $69
Genuine guarantee

Shipping

Yami Consolidated Shipping $9.99(Free shipping over $69)


Seller will ship the orders within 1-2 business days. The logistics time limit is expected to be 7-15 working days. In case of customs clearance, the delivery time will be extended by 3-7 days. The final receipt date is subject to the information of the postal company.

Yami Points information

All items are excluding from any promotion or points events on Yamibuy.com

Return Policy

You may return product within 30 days upon receiving the product. Items returned must be new in it's original packing, including the original invoice for the purchase. Customer return product at their own expense.

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Jingdong book

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